Now, once a woman has children she can't run,
and she can't hide.
They will be in the picture for virtually every hour
of every day for at least the next two decades.
That means no long hot soaks in the bath,
no unobstructed TV viewing,
and absolutely no chance of an intimate moment
In fact, from that moment on she can barely put her
feet up for a second without hearing distant cries
for attention or the expensive tinkle of a priceless
crystal heirloom being smashed to smithereens
by a rampaging toddler.
Oh yes, the joyful pitter-patter of tiny feet
starts to sound a little more ominous.
And so, for the new mother,
Mondays are incredibly tiring.
Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and
Fridays are even worse. And the weekends?
"Don't even ask!"
Every morning a mother wakes up to a new battle.
There's basically no end to the dangerous,
unbelievably bizarre situations that kids can get into.
At times it seems as if a mother's vocabulary is
limited to "Oh my GAWD!"
And "Get down from there this instant!"
Now, while all this is going on, you might be wondering
what it is that fathers actually do. Are they just sitting
around all day twiddling their opposable thumbs?
No, sir! They also grunt and say, "Go ask your mother."
And sometimes they shout, "Damn it, Honey! Can't you
keep these kids quiet? I'm trying to watch the game here!"
To make a mother's job even harder, she has a million
irritating friends and relatives looking over her
shoulder all the time, ready to give advice on the
best way to raise kids today."Look, honey, you
gotta spank naughty kids. Forget what the
books say, you gotta spank 'em real good
or they'll turn out rotten! Why, I got spanked
with a shoe every day of my life until I was
twenty-one and I'm damn grateful for it, too!"
But throughout all of this, a mother never loses sight
of her loving purpose: to walk beside her child through
life's difficult journey, every step of the way.
From "The Incredible Truth About Motherhood" by Bradley Trevor Greive