Saturday, January 26, 2008

You really attract 'em, don't you?

So, yesterday I was innocently traversing the Trader Joe's aisle and was just reaching out for the cheddar cheese, when a man with a derby hat and scarf, bounded out of nowhere and said rather LOUDLY, "You shop JUST like a MOM!" I tried my best not to recoil from the onslaught, but was a bit taken aback. Bounding is the only way to describe it. Well, it was bounding and then almost like a slide into home plate, but he landed smack up against the brie. And yes, DERBY HAT. After checking to make sure my clothes hadn't been blown off by the mighty wind of his approach, I did manage to answer proudly, "Well, I am one" in my perky mom's voice. The man, practically doffing his hat and leaning into the cheese like he was going to stay a while, then launched into a monologue in which I think he said something about having been some kind of coach and how children always shouted out to their mothers in greeting, but never to their fathers. Truly, I had NO idea what he was talking about. But, being the polite MOM that I apparently am, I nodded along. Although, I was a little worried that he might erupt into a song and dance number at any minute. The energy and dramatic gestures that accompanied his words seemed almost as if he was auditioning for me.

Now let me just explain that these odd incidents with strangers are not new to me. No, it seems that I am and always have been a magnet for the eccentric, kooky characters of the world. Like bees to honey with me, as if I am the golden honey comb. Men, women, some ...I'm not quite sure of- all have one thing in common. They seem to find in me some kind of instant soul mate. It used to embarrass me. Because, for some...perhaps karmic reason a commonality among my "instant friends" is having a LOUD voice and approaching me within large crowds of people. So that everybody STARES. And also looks at me as if we are "together" and why are "we" being so LOUD?!

Then there is that other thing. Blushing. I know. I know! Blushing at 46 years old is really unreasonable and quite ridiculous. However, one's body doesn't always cooperate. And my body apparently thinks it is 13 and just budding. To empower myself, I tend to stay away from wearing white. Not becoming with a face of scarlet hue. But, by now I've pretty much accepted that I must have done something very bizarre in my previous life, hence I am everywoman to the masses, the confidante of strangers. Last time I looked, there was not a WELCOME sign on my ass. But, I can't bend as easily as I used to ...so, maybe it is hidden betwixt my cheeks.

When I got home from my interesting excursion to TJ's, I related the story to E. In all honesty, it was fun to reenact bounding across the room, sliding across the hardwood floor, swooshing my arms heavenward a la grande gesture, and exclaiming, "You shop JUST like a MOM!" E, was a little alarmed by my flamboyance, but hung in there.

You really attract 'em, don't you? was his opening.

Yes, E, I really do.

What exactly did he mean by that? E asked me.

I have NO idea, I said.

Was that supposed to be a good or a bad thing? E asked me. [Clearly he thought I would know the answers to these very important questions.]

Well, I've decided it was a good thing. The man seemed so gushy about me being a mom and all. But, I still can't figure out what it was that gave me away. Was it the 2%milk? The strawberry banana yogurt? Surely not the 1/2 & 1/2, or the 2 bags of romaine lettuce? It must have been when I hesitated over choosing the mild cheddar or the sharp. That must be it. That moment of indecision. A dead giveaway. Indecision. Apparently it SCREAMS "shopping just like a mom!"


submit to reddit

17 comments:

HRH said...

That is my shopping cart, only the cheese is sharp and usually shredded plus the whole wheat white loaf of bread that takes about 13 minutes to be consumed once home. As for your company, hmmmmmm! I so wish I had been there to watch.

Jen said...

This really cracked me up! It took me right back to my college days, when I had a roommate who had the same strange ability to attract every complete weirdo in the area. I might just have to write about her sometime. Honestly, how did you get the guy to GO AWAY?

Mrs. G. said...

You must have a bright freak flag.

happygeek said...

A welcome sign on your tush! I love it! I guess it better to attract them than to be one eh?

liv said...

oh, i get the weirdy weirds too. wowza, and you know they some weirdy weirds in the south.

slouching mom said...

can i just say that i laughed my way through this entire post? and that i'm still laughing?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

It was the 2 bags of romaine lettuce.

Nora Bee said...

This is hilarious. I think trader Joe's is just a weirdo place so i'm not surprised.

Bea (of B&P) said...

Perhaps it was that you were buying real food, instead of just a selection of frozen entrees?

Jodi said...

i think us moms just radiate our momness, shopping cart and all. loved this post, as always.

jennifer h said...

Betwixt--an underused word if there ever was one. Maybe the store was just working on its tape reel for the holiday party at the end of the year--maybe they hired the guy to freak women out. (Because we're not close enough to the edge already.)

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Ha! I thought I was alone in this magnetic thing. I had a similar experience only he was wearing a fedora and it was a home improvement store. He decided to school me on the difference between real pine Christmas wreaths and artificial...just out of the blue. I'm sure the look on my face was a plea to others..."help me".

Kellan said...

What a funny post! I often attact "old guys" - not so much the weirdos, but the grandpa types. I think it says a lot about you - that there must be something about you that says "FUN" or "Aproachable". Be careful though - I think they are actually hitting on you and the "mom" line is just that - a line. They really are trying to find out if you are available. Cute post! Have a good Sunday my friend - see you soon. Kellan

Rima said...

My best friend always attracts people like that, too. I think it's a complement. You must exude openness of spirit or something!

Lisa Milton said...

It's the approachability factor. I'm also plagued with the crazy. I guess it's a backhanded compliment...

A Mom Two Boys said...

I would have definitely chosen the sharp cheddar. Specifically their New Zealand Grass Fed White Cheddar. OMG, it's SO GOOD!

That guy sounds funny & a bit scary. I was accosted on my last trip by a crazy pregnant lady who had ALL SORTS of questions for me. Apparently, I am the foremost authority on shopping with two children.

Kind of Crunchy Mama said...

Shopping like a mom in TJ's to me is having an overflowing cart with at least 3 types of milk (1% cow, vanilla soy and chocolate soy) and 2 types of cereal, while everyone else has about 6 items in their cart.

Old people have the high fiber cereal and soymilk. Single women have bottled water, organic baby carrots and organic yogurt. Single men have organic frozen entrees and organic milk. And they look at my cart like how in the world can she eat all that stuff?

Copyright © 2007-2014 JCK.



The content on these pages is the sole property of the author and may not be used or reproduced in any manner without consent.

All Rights Reserved.