We had picked up the ingredients for pizza making and BOY, GIRL and I set up shop in the kitchen - amidst buckets of flour, a much coveted and wildly wielded rolling pin and BIG fistfuls of cheese, we created a masterpiece shaped a bit strangely, but a masterpiece none-the-less. My fellow chefs wore aprons yet still managed to have flour covering small faces and torsos. I kept getting thanked for the experience by BOY, which felt pretty novel and strange:
Thank-you for letting us play restaurant, Restaurant Lady.
Are you talking to me?
Yes, Restaurant Lady, I am.
Apparently making pizza elevated me to Chefdom.
At the end of her bath, GIRL was helping me gather the 8 THOUSAND bath toys to put into the perilously hanging/dangling toy net. One small, rather heavy, tugboat fell out and BONKED her in the forehead. She cried. I felt horrible. Guilty. Just bad. I hugged her. She cried some more... I scooped her up. She threw her arms around my neck and said:
I don't want to DIE, Mommy! I LOVE YOU!
[She was serious.]
I carried her into her room and we sat on the bed, with her in my lap.
Oh, sweetie, you're not going to die. What made you think of dying- the toy?
A quick nod, her huge, trusting eyes looking up at me.
Sweetie, that was just a BONK on your head. That's all it was. You're not going to die for a long, long, long, long, long, long....time. You'll be much, much older than Ma'Mai & Pops, than Granny & Doe Doe. Really, really old.
But, Mommy, I WILL DIE when I'm OLD.
Yes, sweetie. But, that is a long, looooong time from now.
I don't want to die. I want to be WITH YOU forever.
GIRL, you are going to be with me for a long time. Until you are ready to have your own place, someday. And that won't be for a while.
Not next year. Or Kindergarten? GIRL asked.
No GIRL, not for many years.
Can it be possible to question one's mortality at 3 1/2 years old? Apparently so... Somehow I must have skipped that day of Mommy School. The day when the syllabus on "Feeling One's Mortality: A Preschooler's Nightmare" was distributed to FREAKED OUT mothers everywhere. GIRL did me in last night. She just...did me in.