Monday, April 21, 2008

Due to being wedgiefied all day...

Tonight I'm in deep contemplation...


ASSumption...
You know there is nothing more special than a flat ass woman getting a wedgie from her jeans. All day loooong.

And...
Due to being wedgiefied all day and because of the wedgiefication that should not exist at present, I partook of my usual bourbon whiskey - but without the Coke. I had it instead with lime flavored sparkling water. Accompanied by a low carb protein bar for dessert.

So...
Apparently the combination of sparkling water with lime, whiskey and a low carb bar creates gaseous matter. A smell and blast guaranteed to clear the room and rock the foundation of one's abode.

Subsequently...
My stomach is now a cross between a hot air balloon and a whoopee cushion.

Therefore...
I am in some gastrointestinal pain.

Conclusion...
Life is short, albeit sometimes stinky and... I think I shall go back to full carbs and buy bigger pants tomorrow.


Picture Credit:
Dav Pilkey's Captain Underpants and the Wrath of the Wedgie Woman


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20 comments:

  1. Yeah, those low carb bars are MURDER! I've sooo cleared a room. I even had to leave.

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  2. i knew there was a reason i wasn't bothering with all that low-carb stuff.

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  3. My sons love those Captain Underpants books.

    My stomach looks fine whilst I am standing up but it is a different matter when I sit down. I guess I'll just have to stand.

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  4. Don't be so hasty! I think what is called for here is a controlled experiment: whiskey + sparkling water, then whiskey + low-carb bar, and finally sparkling water + low carb bar. Isolate the offender. My money's on the low-carb bar, possibly the sparkling water, but no way is there any indication condemning the bourbon.

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  5. Jeans are just evil. Lately I'm wondering why I have to pull my underwear up every five minutes. I know it's not that my ass got smaller, so I blame the @#$%$ lowrise jeans. Funny post.

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  6. I love the sheer VARIETY of your posts....I never know what to expect! Keep the bourbon, ditch the jeans! Opt for a nice comfy skirt with slip on shoes....ahh-heavenly. Love the sweet post about boy and girl, too. Do we ever appreciate what we have?
    God Bless, EJT

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  7. It must be underwear week! Mrs. G had a post yesterday about uncomfortable SPANX!

    what's next? Itchy bras!

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  8. Life is too short not to enjoy the full carb! Go for it!
    (Your story made me giggle though--we've all been there :0 )

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  9. It was the lowcarb bar. Only beer causes those kinds of gaseous occurrences.

    You know, I love the new look of the blog, but I really do miss seeing your smiling face at the beach when I come visit.

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  10. Its the protein bars. They are toxic. I've eaten them in the office, in a pinch. Me no feel good at end of day.

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  11. Meant to add, those sparkling flavored waters are superb drink makers, aren't they? I'm in love with orange flavored.

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  12. Ugh. The dreaded wedgie. I am sorry. Low carb is certainly high gas. I wish you luck in finding new pants.

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  13. oh my god, i totally thought it was just me. grab a gas mask and come on over....

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  14. Low-carb my wedgie @ss! Go eat some dark chocolate and a glass of wine. Those are orders! :)

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  15. Did E offer (beg?) to sleep on the sofa?

    :-)

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  16. A bowl of Live Active cereal for lunch and taco soup for dinner did the same thing to me last night!

    My husband was not pleased.

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  17. Yet ANOTHER reason to NOT go low carb. As if I needed one.

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  18. Oh my. I am on the floor laughing with you. I had that wedgie feeling with the thong I was wearing yesterday. UGH. I am not a fan.

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