Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Discipline! I must find it.


It was a plan. My plan. Carve out a writing schedule for myself. Get up before sunrise to write before the rest of the household wakes up. The plan? It is not working. So far. Well, it's been three weeks, and I've succeeded once. Yet, I am determined to not give up...yet. My alarm rings every blasted day at 5am, much to the annoyance of my husband. And myself. Why have the alarm go off and then not get up? Why? Indeed.

The premise is a good one. I get my writing space. Uninterrupted. Quiet. And then the day is open for spending time with the children and keeping up with the house. The evening open for reading books or blogs, having sex, watching a movie, going to sleep early... Did I just say, having sex? I did!

The excuses I give myself when the alarm goes off are many, usually having to do with some form of sleep deprivation. BOY still occasionally awakens during the night, and now GIRL is waking up with nightmares and crawling into our bed. Whoever tells you that sleep deprivation stops after children are two years old is fucking lying, by GOD!

Then there was the morning the cat woke me at 3:45am. I should have stayed awake. It was that little window of time when you awaken during the night and are alert and could conceivably stay awake. However, I let myself go back to sleep. When the alarm rang at 5am, both hands were asleep and I had two crippled paws batting at the alarm button. It took a while to find and maneuver the off switch. My body could only speak in groans and sighs... So, I alternately dozed and had an internal yelling fest with myself for the next hour and a half. Until I could no longer stand myself and got out of bed ...at 6:30am. The usual time.

I believe all that internal angst, inner dialogue, is what I'm supposed to be getting out on paper. Discipline! I must find it. Schedule it. And wake up for it...


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13 comments:

stephanie (bad mom) said...

It's like we're the same person. At the risk of being immensely unhelpful, I have to say this has been my plan for six months and I've been successful fewer than 10 times.

Maybe we can make a pact though? Send each other an e-mail first thing in the wee hours for inspiration...

Wishing us luck! :D

flutter said...

You can totally do this :)

Jen said...

Sorry, I want to be supportive, and say, "You can do this!", but I get up at 5:15 two days a week to work, and IT SUCKS. Sleep is important, too.

Madge said...

i've been getting up and journaling. it has helped so much. right now the alarm is going off at 6 -- trying to get it to 5:30, but it's tough....

Kate said...

3 things:
1. I applaud you for your lofty intentions and goals for writing.
2. I've read somewhere that it takes 3 weeks of doing something regularly (forcing it if need be) to make it become a new habit (a good one in this case; getting up early to write).
3. I love your red computer. I think if my silver computer could morph into that red color, I'd be so much more inspired; want to trade? LOL

Best to you!

The Other Woman said...

I'm glad i'm not the only one that "schedules sex" haha I often think to myself, "I have to wake up earlier so I get use to having a husband some day." haha

pasadenapio said...

You'll find a way.

phd in yogurtry said...

5am? To me, painful. 6:30 not much better. So I have much sympathy. And yes, the many years children deprive us of uninterrupted sleep is kept out of parenting books for good reason. I recall the bedwetting most painfully.

g said...

I love that morning time, but I'm afraid I'm not very productive, either. Except here I am corresponding with you! Which makes it worth it.

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

Discipline is hard stuff, my dear, especially when you are sleep deprived.

Take heart.

Cafe Pasadena said...

JcK, if you don' use the discipline, pass along to me. I need some.

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

When you find the discipline send it to me. Thank you.

--- Lisa

Janet said...

The Queen is 5 and a half years old. The sleep deprivation continues.
I could possibly get up early to do some things, but I'm pretty sure that writing coherently would not be among them.

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