In all the Parenting books she's ingested, JCK wonders how she could possibly have missed this one. It must have been in very small print. At the back. Titled: Why Not? Inducing a Nervous Breakdown for your Child and Yourself, Part XIII.
JCK is absolutely certain in all those bloody pages, those preachy, smug pages, there was never, ever a section on: How to survive having a BIG Needle go into Your Child's Little Arm and draw out Blood. Nope. JCK is sure she didn't read that anywhere.
After days of procrastination, JCK has decided she has to buck up and take her boy to the lab tomorrow. Accompanied by her small girl. Because they travel in 3's. Her son's pediatrician has ordered blood work, and JCK must fulfill her parenting duties.
JCK would like to point out that she will be the only adult there. Her husband E.K. is noticeably busy tomorrow. JCK is hoping that he will suddenly be afflicted with GUILT over THIS, and decide he must accompany them posthaste. If this doesn't happen...JCK hopes that the fleas of a thousand camels will inflict his arm pits.
You see JCK comes from a long line of Fainters or Pass-her-Outers. Those who keel over in dizziness, and wake up later in a cold sweat on a strange couch. In fact, this family generational weakness goes back so far that JCK believes her ancestors invented the Fainting Couch.
JCK would like to point out...there have been No offers of HELP from the man who doesn't faint.
JCK will be fine! She will be strong. She will not need smelling salts from the Dead Sea. Except that... this is her son, who tends to swing between panic and MORE PANIC in just his natural rhythms. Her son who feels everything on a BIGGER level. Like Elliot in E.T. Except that JCK isn't sure who is beaming those feelings into her little guy. She just knows he's got buckets of them.
But, no worries! Just in case the world is still here tomorrow, JCK has ordered The Special Ointment. It is so special that it had to be special ordered. Hence its name...The Special Ointment.
When the pediatrician handed JCK the lab order form two weeks ago, and it fluttered to the floor uncaught by JCK's trembling fingertips, he seemed to realize that he would have to do something drastic. This was when he whipped out the order sheet for The Special Ointment. An ointment so special that it is an anesthetic. Smiling he told her that she could rub it on her son's inner elbows 30 minutes before the big needle STICK, and he wouldn't feel a thing. Really? Really. JCK could even do a practice test if she wanted.
JCK is beyond hopeful that The Special Ointment, The Special Anesthetic Ointment, will work. She is counting on it. She has promised her son that afterwards they will go to the store and pick out a BIG TOY, and then go home and eat ICE CREAM. JCK is pulling out all the stops. JCK is blubbering herself to sleep...
JCK can't think about the possibility that The Special Ointment will not work. Or, that her son will panic and create a fracas in the laboratory. All is possible with her son of many colors. But, if The Special Ointment doesn't work for pain reduction for her son, she figures she can add it to her Boudoir Collection. 15 years of marriage. Some Special Anesthetic Ointment might come in handy...