Thursday, June 16, 2011

the DINNER OF SINFUL DISGRACE


JCK cannot get the lyrics from Lynard Skynard's "That Smell" out of her head.

Ooh, that smell
Can't you smell that smell?
Ooh, that smell
The smell of death surrounds you

Now, it is to be noted that JCK is not currently surrounded by luded up and shooting up personages. However, JCK did manage to burn the chicken on the stove last night. Sadly for all, JCK's house is almost vibrating with the stench of viva le blackened filet de poulet. And, no if you say it in French it doesn't make JCK's house smell better, but let's just go with it...

It all has to do with that blasted Multi-Tasking Skill that will only get JCK so far. Over the last two weeks, JCK has been pinging and ponging from one school meeting to the next, with work and family life thrown in, and...as everyone knows, just navigating through the last days of school is reason enough to make your head explode. JCK's head started cracking down the sides about a week ago - affecting her vocabulary.

GIRL, please put on your flippers (flip flops).

BOY, I'm going to count to TREE!


This was not under the influence of any whiskey, JCK would like to add. Or, chocolate. And, obviously there had not been enough caffeine.

Quite soon after that, JCK went back to her room and crawled under the covers, hoping to hide there. What IS it about JCK's room suddenly becoming a House of JOY? JCK is sure she doesn't know, yet clearly her trying to act invisible doesn't work. Her children are like bloodhounds. They sniff her out. And, this was before the DINNER OF SINFUL DISGRACE.

Yes, mixing up words were apparently minor examples of JCK's brain on END OF SCHOOL madness. Last night it was taken a step further with JCK answering emails and cooking chicken on HIGH simultaneously, which was incredibly brilliant!

It was clearly the smell of BLACKENED food that assaulted JCK's son and caused him to levitate from the couch while watching TV, where he normally cannot be roused even if an earthquake were to shake, rattle and roll. JCK's GIRL, who was drawing on her easel in the play room, was also quite stimulated by the wafting fumes of Chicken Gone Bad .

Mommy, what's THAT... burning smell?

It smells like BURNED food, Mommy.



JCK loves how her children state the obvious. Especially when they clearly observe her racing into the kitchen, grabbing the pan off the burner, and flicking on the fan to HYPER SPEED mode. Unfortunately, what was done was done.

JCK picked off the top part of the chicken and placed it on dinner plates. JCK does not believe in wasting food? Well...not really, but...JCK was just not capable of a redo at this point. So, she tossed a bunch of buttered noodles over the top, added green beans for color, and called it Dinner for Her family.

Wisely, JCK's husband did not comment on the incident. He recognized that ice cream would fill out the meal's lack of ...delish. Although, he could see this as a much larger issue. In fact, he might imagine that by JCK ruining the frying pan, it could be a far BIGGER indication that JCK might be sick of cooking altogether. But, JCK can't waste any more time IMAGINING what her husband is thinking. It is an area of which she hasn't much clue.

So, while JCK's husband and children breathed in healthy fumes and dined on blackened chicken, JCK went over to a friend's house for dinner. The only thing burning there was candles.

This morning the frying pan and bits of chicken are still all-in-one. The stench? Well, JCK might have to go out to dinner again tonight...or hide underneath her children's bottom bunk bed. They'll never find her there...


submit to reddit

6 comments:

andrea frazer said...

Ha ha ha! I'm not the only one! I think Huffington Post needs a blog about this! I SMELL it.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

If you get really sick of the smell you can burn some popcorn in the microwave--that will cover it!

Jen said...

The funniest part of this is that you left them to eat the blackened chicken themselves! Your husband sounds like a smart man.

smalltownmom said...

I hope you throw out the pan!

Margaret said...

Alas, I have had such experiences, and such scents do seem to linger. I always try candles, and I am always disappointed when I realize said candles only add a new layer to the smell of doom, but the smell of doom is still there, lurking underneath it all. Opening the windows helps.

Aunt Snow said...

Smoked chicken, anyone?

So sorry - this should teach them to cook their own darn dinners, though, right? It's never too early!

Copyright © 2007-2014 JCK.



The content on these pages is the sole property of the author and may not be used or reproduced in any manner without consent.

All Rights Reserved.