Tuesday, November 8, 2011

schedule my own intermezzo

Returning to work full-time has had its share of dips and dives. I love the paycheck, partnering as an income earner, and helping my family financially. Sharing the weight of it with my husband -this piece is very good. I feel more empowered, taller, calmer - someone to be taken seriously. For better or worse...I perceive my world as being better.

The challenge continues to be finding the rhythm of my days, fitting in what absolutely needs to be done for our household, and fitting in what I need to keep myself invigorated and creative. That last treasured piece has felt a bit like ruins under my feet. But... I am beginning to salvage fragments, and am determined to create the whole puzzle- even if it looks misshapen. Balance, perhaps not. Perhaps never. Passionate drive, always...yet, so elusive it slides into the darkness.

My children have adjusted well to aftercare three days a week. It is different...to pick them up and have them so happy to see me. They fling themselves upon me, wrapping their limbs around my legs... shouting MOMMY!! at the top of their lungs - faces covered with Happy Dirt, and mouths rapidly moving describing their day. Our evenings are fast paced- dinner, more times than not, is scrabbled together, then baths, and off to bed. The cherished story time often gets superseded by a game or all of us being just... too damn tired.

I'm not sure why I am so opposed to putting myself on a schedule. I know intellectually that my life will be the better for it. Yet, I avoid it at all costs, not wanting to be boxed in. There's that stubborn piece. The one that keeps me stuck, complaining that I don't have time for it all, when what I really need to do is schedule my own intermezzo. Excuse me...while I have a word with the conductor...

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"Wisdom Follows" -painting by Chuck Gumpert.


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9 comments:

Rima said...

I'm so glad it's working out for you! You sound really happy!

And did you say working makes you feel taller? WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I was very satisfied being a SAHM, but now that I'm working I do love the paycheck and the feeling of being a financial partner.

Kizz said...

So much of your life is scheduled right now, and a new schedule at that. It's understandable that you can't fathom blocking one more thing out in minutes and seconds. You'll find it, though. I know you will.

Diana said...

Balance is so hard to attain as a working-working-outside-the-home mom. I have been trying my entire career and still have difficulty. One thing that has helped is that the kids are older now, and I give them more household responsbilities to free me up a bit. Good luck on this journey.

slow panic said...

At least once a week I find myself being amazed at how busy I am. Like it's new. Like it doesn't happen every. single. day.

I'm trying to give up on the trying to be completely balanced .

Aunt Snow said...

Did I miss the post where you talked about what you're doing full-time?

Is it satisfying?

Jen said...

I would also like to know what work you're doing. Do you work from home? As someone working 2 part time jobs right now, I would like to know how people working full time get laundry done? It is a mystery to me, how I did it in the past.

Aunt Snow said...

Balance is hard even in a life without kids. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed these days.

Heather said...

Please email me! I have a question about your blog! :)

HeatherVonsj@gmail.com

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