Saturday, December 10, 2011

I have yet to find my place


I'm sitting on the sidelines of my own life. An audience member rather than a participant. Removed. Unable to reach the flow of the river, which is clearly moving at a rapid pace in one direction. There's that palpable ache again-it's reach deep into my psyche, yet the bruising is in my heart.

Writing is about the last thing I want to do right now, and the only thing I want to do. There is no in-between, no comfort zone. I am lashed by my own thoughts. Life is marching forward. I have yet to find my place.

If I squint my eyes I can barely make out a turn up ahead. If I could just jump in and ride, I'd be OK. It's the rocking back and forth with indecision and non-action that haunts me.


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7 comments:

  1. Hope you figure things out in your actual life as well as you've figured out your writing.

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  2. You only think you're sitting on the sidelines. You are actually front and center. If you think that, how does it change things?

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  3. I'm with Jen--beautiful and what does it mean?!

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  4. oh this is exactly how i've been feeling! like it's all rushing by and i can't quite get on track -- all i can do is the stuff i'm supposed to/have to do and not the things i love doing or am passionate about....

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  5. Jennifer, so beautiful and haunting. I feel it too. Sometimes this time of year makes me feel it more intensly. And sometimes its okay to let yourself sit on the sidelines for a bit and catch your breath. God Bless you.

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