Saturday, December 10, 2011

I have yet to find my place


I'm sitting on the sidelines of my own life. An audience member rather than a participant. Removed. Unable to reach the flow of the river, which is clearly moving at a rapid pace in one direction. There's that palpable ache again-it's reach deep into my psyche, yet the bruising is in my heart.

Writing is about the last thing I want to do right now, and the only thing I want to do. There is no in-between, no comfort zone. I am lashed by my own thoughts. Life is marching forward. I have yet to find my place.

If I squint my eyes I can barely make out a turn up ahead. If I could just jump in and ride, I'd be OK. It's the rocking back and forth with indecision and non-action that haunts me.


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7 comments:

shrink on the couch said...

Hope you figure things out in your actual life as well as you've figured out your writing.

Jen said...

What's going on?

Margaret said...

You only think you're sitting on the sidelines. You are actually front and center. If you think that, how does it change things?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm with Jen--beautiful and what does it mean?!

slow panic said...

oh this is exactly how i've been feeling! like it's all rushing by and i can't quite get on track -- all i can do is the stuff i'm supposed to/have to do and not the things i love doing or am passionate about....

Aunt Snow said...

Wha help can we give you?

Diana said...

Jennifer, so beautiful and haunting. I feel it too. Sometimes this time of year makes me feel it more intensly. And sometimes its okay to let yourself sit on the sidelines for a bit and catch your breath. God Bless you.

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