Frieda Funhouse

GIRL is getting into all things Girly Girl. She loves wearing dresses, and doing her own hair with accouterments... And she adores it when I wear dresses, and put makeup on. One of her favorite games is "Nail Salon." It only takes a few props: nail polish, newspaper, and a bit of improvisation.

There is quite a character who operates the salon. Her name? Frieda Funhouse. Yes, that would be me.

It goes something like this... GIRL takes out a penny from her piggy bank, and knocks on the hallway door into the dining room.

NAIL SALON:

FRIEDA: Why HELLO! What can I DO for you this MORNING? (Frieda's voice tends to go up and down, and the accent is sporadic. Sometimes sounds German, sometimes like a Drag Queen on a good day.)

GIRL: Hello. I would like my nails and toes painted, please.

FRIEDA: Oh, HO. HO!! Welcome. WELCOME! Please come in. SO.... You would LIKE a MANICURE and a PEDICURE, N'est pas? (Occasionally a French accent seeps in, too.)

GIRL: Yes.

FRIEDA: What is your name, dear?

GIRL: My name is GIRL. I've been here before.

FRIEDA: Aaah...YES. YES! How RUDE of me. SHOCKING. Just SHOCKING. So sorry. SO, SO sorry. I thought I recognized you. Well, now. Please PICK a color from the table, and we WILL get started.

GIRL: I like the RED.

FRIEDA: You DO? You DO! Of course you do! Of COURSE. (Frieda can be a BIT repetitive.)

GIRL: Yes, RED is my favorite color.

FRIEDA: Beautiful. OK, then. Let's get started.

GIRL: Here's a penny, Miss Freida Funhouse.

FRIEDA: Thank you. Thank YOU! Some people just DON'T pay me well. But, YOU! Why YOU!! Lovely CUSTOMER. Excellent taste.

GIRL: Thank you. My brother would also like to get his nails done.

BOY: KNOCK! KNOCK! Hello. I LIKE BLUE!!

FRIEDA: Well, of COURSE. Of COURSE, you DO! While your sister is DRYING, why don't we look at you. Oh, my, my...MY! Such SHOCKING nails. Such dirt! Such fun you have outside, NO?

BOY: Yes.

FRIEDA: One penny, please.

BOY: O.K. Here you go, Miss Frieda Funhouse!

FRIEDA: Such MANNERS! Lovely. Just LOVELY. Thank you. What IS your name AGAIN!? Fred?

BOY: NOOOO!! It's BOY!

FRIEDA: But, of COURSE! Of course. BOY it is. Do you like this blue?

BOY: I do.

GIRL: Will you please dry my nails?

FRIEDA: Yes, my dear. Oh, DEAR! My FAN! My FAN! It is still BROKEN. I hope you don't mind??? Here we go. PFFUFFTTT! PFFFUTTT! (Frieda takes a big breath and blows loudly on GIRL's fingernails & toenails.)

BOY: Me, too!

FRIEDA: OK, my dear. Maybe some of this DIRT can be BLOWN OUT! (The wind-up is a bit dramatic for BOY.) PPPPFFFUUUTTTTTTTTTTTT! PPPPFUUUUTTT!

BOY: YEAH!!

FRIEDA: Well, time to go. TIME TO GO! Bye-Bye.

GIRL & BOY: WAIT! WAIT! We're not done yet.

FRIEDA: Oh, but I AM! Thank you! Thank you, my dears. Come again! Ta! Ta! Tootles! Auf wiedersehen. Au revoir. Adios. Ta! (Frieda exits)



It's one of my favorite games, too...