tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post2113877948014457036..comments2024-01-26T05:21:36.865-08:00Comments on Motherscribe: Why is it that we are so bloody hard on ourselves as mothers?JCKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04582581376724478366noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-54515061104113032332009-01-26T14:59:00.000-08:002009-01-26T14:59:00.000-08:00yeah, if she's a bad mother, I'd best just go ahea...yeah, if she's a bad mother, I'd best just go ahead and give my kids to her, because I've already yelled at my kids twice while reading this post. Granted, they're beating each other, but still. I should be finding them distractions rather than commenting, so that's what I'll do now. I'll finish catching up tomorrow.Janethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02190489990653412687noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-61845095398866043362008-12-19T20:37:00.000-08:002008-12-19T20:37:00.000-08:00I'm happy if I'm simply "Decent".I'm happy if I'm simply "Decent".Angie McCullaghhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13338130265872869124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-33556954547257113832008-12-19T05:46:00.000-08:002008-12-19T05:46:00.000-08:00I followed the bouncing ball from coffeeyogurt to ...I followed the bouncing ball from coffeeyogurt to you - so I read her follow up on this first and said I wanted to pin it to my shirt. I'll do the same with this one.blognuthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01161713516407124717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-8686842025453968912008-12-18T19:06:00.000-08:002008-12-18T19:06:00.000-08:00I do this all the time. You're a wise friend.I do this all the time. You're a wise friend.Jennifer Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16239563357592230711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-87891830674620221532008-12-16T19:12:00.000-08:002008-12-16T19:12:00.000-08:00As only one who is not a mother, but has had a mot...As only one who is not a mother, but has had a mother, can say -- you're fine. Let your kids know you see the humor and beauty and strangeness in life. It makes you laugh, it makes you cry, it makes you strong. And they'll always lean on and remember that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-53067847656703325332008-12-16T16:40:00.000-08:002008-12-16T16:40:00.000-08:00It looks like TWO girls went to the little girls b...It looks like TWO girls went to the little girls bDay party.<BR/><BR/>See any good looking dogs there?Cafe Observerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10115520512264907360noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-54440088486720330902008-12-16T11:20:00.000-08:002008-12-16T11:20:00.000-08:00Amen sister!I am guilty of the same thing myself -...Amen sister!<BR/><BR/>I am guilty of the same thing myself - it's like you just love your kids so much you feel like anything less than perfection is less than they deserve...Don Mills Divahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03733674458423525738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-77417190453100699232008-12-16T10:20:00.000-08:002008-12-16T10:20:00.000-08:00My first thought when reading this post was, "geez...My first thought when reading this post was, "geez, she sounds like a better mother than me and she's going hard on <I>herself</I>?"<BR/><BR/>I think that statement is akin to a mommy double-negative.Manic Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02397835927560496425noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-78319266607060173182008-12-16T04:46:00.000-08:002008-12-16T04:46:00.000-08:00Oh yes, I think we all feel like that sometimes. ...Oh yes, I think we all feel like that sometimes. I do when I lose my rag with my lot. And you'd think having four I would have got used to it by now. But yes, it is important for our children to see that there are limits (to our patience as much as anything), that some times parents do not do the right thing (I often lose it cos I am stressed about something not to do with them), that apologising is a good thing but doesn't wipe away all the bad feelings - oh so many things. <BR/>But however much I say it's a good thing now, it doesn't feel like a good thing for the first few hours after it happens. <BR/>But yes, it always helps to talk to someone else and hear them tell their stories of when they lost it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-62549477921646045582008-12-15T22:01:00.000-08:002008-12-15T22:01:00.000-08:00"this earns her one ticket to Mommy Gets Snappy"oh..."this earns her one ticket to Mommy Gets Snappy"<BR/><BR/><BR/>oh, I just busted a stich on that one.<BR/><BR/>and yes, excellent point, JCK. we mommas must give ourselves more credit for all love and goodness we provide. Life is too short to agonize over every "snappy" moment.shrink on the couchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13271891110211081990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-70965718135959531152008-12-15T20:36:00.000-08:002008-12-15T20:36:00.000-08:00Since I am not a Mom, I can't speak from that expe...Since I am not a Mom, I can't speak from that experience, however, I am a daughter...and as such I can tell you that inspite of my mother's outbursts from time to time, all I ever wanted from her was her love....and that it always remembered and cherished by any child. You're right, we are all too hard on ourselves.suzanneelizabeths.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14304462740451230118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-61587155478507961102008-12-15T18:08:00.000-08:002008-12-15T18:08:00.000-08:00Thank you for writing this - I struggle with it al...Thank you for writing this - I struggle with it all the time. I think we're hard on ourselves because no matter how close we are with our friends, talking about the bad times is still kind of taboo.<BR/><BR/>And we don't often witness other mothers having their bad moments, so it's easy to assume that we're the only ones who ever "lose it." I think one of the best things that we can do for each other as mothers it to be honest with one another, because sometimes hearing the stories is what gets us through.Rimahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15883046753707687727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-1474592121681737062008-12-15T18:04:00.000-08:002008-12-15T18:04:00.000-08:00So true! I almost alway got in BIG trouble on my b...So true! <BR/><BR/>I almost alway got in BIG trouble on my birthday! Mostly because I was rotten :) I still love my mom and always loved the party.<BR/><BR/>Great post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-25784008077624628232008-12-15T14:32:00.000-08:002008-12-15T14:32:00.000-08:00Great post!And a birthday during the holiday seaso...Great post!<BR/><BR/>And a birthday during the holiday season? Oh my good grief - you get extra points for that crap.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14258405168792203613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-20809607002387559172008-12-15T12:04:00.000-08:002008-12-15T12:04:00.000-08:00I think what you said to your friend was perfect. ...I think what you said to your friend was perfect. You are wonderful, supportive, and GROUNDED friend to her.<BR/><BR/>I agree that we are often too hard on ourselves.<BR/><BR/>for me, in a funny way, I never really saw my "being a mother" as much of an accomplishment. I am so very very proud of my son, but I attribute most of his success to....him. His personality, his style of learning, his good nature.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps my best contribution was being able to "get" what kind of person he is, and go with that. <BR/><BR/>Alas, too - or happily, depending on your point of view - I am not much of a perfectionist myself, so elaborate parties were NOT in the picture.Glennishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03681336164718681936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-28299271795120460382008-12-15T10:41:00.000-08:002008-12-15T10:41:00.000-08:00there are many different categories of mommy... sh...there are many different categories of mommy... she is in the 'perfect' category... and I've got friends who are (sad to say) 'can't be bothered' category and yet they call themselves a mommy...<BR/><BR/>I'm in the 'go with the flow' category... I think you are too...its more breathable, isn't it?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-8277996433684498022008-12-15T10:24:00.000-08:002008-12-15T10:24:00.000-08:00I was just going to leave a comment, but I ended u...I was just going to leave a comment, but I ended up writing a post about this, and linking to you. Hope that is okay.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13164420416881517854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-73884949034998113002008-12-15T09:52:00.000-08:002008-12-15T09:52:00.000-08:00Not to pass the buck, but I think our society prim...Not to pass the buck, but I think our society primes us for this kind of experience. Advertisements, TV shows, magazines all make money by increasing our anxiety so that we will buy more so that we can be (hopefully) better.Margarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08668487489667818687noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-18222825236164517152008-12-15T08:49:00.000-08:002008-12-15T08:49:00.000-08:00For me that voice started out as the voices of sev...For me that voice started out as the voices of several in-laws when Max was born. From the very first moment I was a mother they did nothing but criticize everything I did. My first two years as a mother were absolute HELL. They RUINED it. After my daughter was born I put my foot down and told them I wasn't going to put up with it anymore, that I was a good mother whether they wanted to believe it or not, and that they needed to butt out. And amazingly enough, they did.<BR/><BR/>I wouldn't be surprised if that poor mom has a nasty "friend" or in-law planting poison in her brain. Plus we are constantly beseiged with images in the media of what a mother is supposed to look like and act like, and if that isn't us (how can it be?) we feel like slime.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-5906459921826069712008-12-15T07:44:00.000-08:002008-12-15T07:44:00.000-08:00The unintended consequence of being so hard on our...The unintended consequence of being so hard on ourselves is that our children will come to believe that the perfection we are striving so hard to reach is something normal and achievable. When they see us making mistakes (and they will.. oh the mistakes they will see!) and behaving as if this is unforgivable they won't forgive us...Ginahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17319951305724993484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-89653134093323535762008-12-15T06:43:00.000-08:002008-12-15T06:43:00.000-08:00oh, yes...oh, yes...painted maypolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06446625015003854710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-80919657849699258282008-12-15T05:13:00.000-08:002008-12-15T05:13:00.000-08:00No Mother is perfect...we are all human, it's bein...No Mother is perfect...we are all human, it's being able to say sorry that counts!<BR/><BR/>In any case she sounds like a rather amazing Mother.<BR/><BR/>Well done for telling her so!<BR/><BR/>xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-65897450334752578942008-12-14T23:38:00.000-08:002008-12-14T23:38:00.000-08:00Hear, hear! As much as sexism and men are some of ...Hear, hear! As much as sexism and men are some of my favorite topics, I do often think that we women are harder on ourselves than any outsider ever would be. Here's to mothering OURSELVES, eh?Norahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16507644743409364179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-13645678472625474372008-12-14T23:28:00.000-08:002008-12-14T23:28:00.000-08:00You are going to make it through the teenage years...You are going to make it through the teenage years just fine. Anybody that beats themself up over losing it occasionally is going to have a hard time later, when losing it can feel like a permanent state of being (which is fine, because they need it).Jenn @ Juggling Lifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14455967210924573398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3271931822987740572.post-28026310812072541412008-12-14T22:57:00.000-08:002008-12-14T22:57:00.000-08:00This rings do deeply with me tonight! I totally f...This rings do deeply with me tonight! I totally freaked out on the kids today at the car wash. They were totally out of control...not listening, not sitting still, running around, stepping on people, LICKING eachother and THINGS for god sakes. I put them in the car and screamed at them.....refused to take them to a birthday party, and screamed that Santa does not bring toys to boys and girls who do not listen to their mothers!! I lost it becasue when they are out of control, it is really a reflection that my ability to mother them is out of control. It frightens me and makes me feel so "less than". I am learning how to pick myself up and dust myself off, and not hang on to the negativity. It is so hard. I love this post of yours. It gives me courage and helps me to feel not so alone. Thank you JCK!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com