Collecting clouds and the Witsy, Witsy Spider

Best moments of the week:

Mommy, I want to collect the clouds! - from BOY.

BOY, you can't collect the clouds. - GIRL, ever the pragmatist.

I know how we can do it! ...with a construction truck, NO...a cloud truck! -BOY, ever the inventor. He may invent a cloud truck yet. I would not be surprised.

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E got new sneakers yesterday. They are quite white. And bright! In fact, the glare off of them is tremendous and noticeable. He is very proud.

Daddy, do those shoes light up? - BOY noticing shoes, but then how can he NOT notice these shoes.

No, BOY, I wish they did. - E, very, very proud of his very white, bright new shoes.

Well, they certainly look like they could light up! - JCK, blinded and stunned by the greatness of said very white shoes.

Did I mention that they are very white?

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GIRL has been articulate from a very young age. At 2 she was talking in full sentences, often stringing 2-3 at a time. So, one of the things that I find most endearing is when she doesn't quite have a word down. Elephants used to be "elemens," the itsy, bitsy spider was the "witsy, witsy" spider and she still says, "I sink" for "I think." I never correct her, other than occasionally repeating back what she has said so that she can hear the very slight correction in my voice. I know that she will learn these things on her own, like she has with other words, and there are so few of them.

One night last week I was reminiscing with her about how she used to call the "itsy, bitsy spider" the "witsy, witsy spider" and how cute that was. So, now every night when I tuck her in, after we sing "Twinkle, Twinkle little star," we sing "The Witsy, Witsy Spider." She is able to differentiate doing that at home and singing it with the "correct" pronunciation anywhere else. I'm not sure who is loving this more, but it makes us both giggle.

No computer. Such freedom!

Oh...such luxury! Such frivolity! I am gone. Checked out. On leave. No computer. Such freedom! No checking Site Meter. No feeling DESPERATE to knowwondering who is reading my blog from...Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan CANADA - HI, MOOSEJAW!, from Rome, Lazio - ITALY...mmm how I'd LOVE to be in Italy, from Monheim, Nordrhein-Westfalen -GERMANY...could go for a BIG STEIN of something cold right now, and Chaguanas, Caroni -TRINIDAD and TOBAGO...please stay a while and leave a comment in that wonderful, sexy accent. Welcome to my blog...I'll be in touch when I return. Ciao, baby!

That Holly. She's too much! That Holly.

Holly of June Cleaver Nirvana recently linked to me on her discussion group blog, Blue Moon Salon. The current discussion is on women in the new media and this post was about Mommy Bloggers. She eschews the title, as I do. But, then we both had to get over driving minivans, and there you have it. In the post she mentioned me. Me? I cried. Her comment on my blog, letting me know that she had been up to this mischief, literally came in within minutes of me hanging up with my recruiter turning down that job. Timing is everything. That Holly. She's too much! That Holly. We all know she's that sexy, tile lusting, victor in beautifying, artistic fierce trapper, potluck legend. That Holly. She's the best. But, is she really reading my blog? My blog?

I'm actually not here

Wanna know a secret? I'm actually not here. I'm using that incredibly freeing service that blogger now offers in which you can write posts ahead of time and designate publishing your post...in the future. What a concept! It is, by far, my favorite blogger trick. Well, other than the spell check. When it works...

We've gone off to my mom's in northern California to celebrate her 70th birthday. I'm looking forward to getting away and visiting with family. The kids love their time with Ma'Mai and Pops. They are very excited. Every day for the last week BOY has been asking, "Is today the day we are going to Ma'Mai and Pops?!!" Every day a disappointment in the constant reply of "not yet, BOY, 7 days." "Not yet, BOY, 4 days.".... You get the picture. It's going to be great!

Car travel. SO much better than it used to be. The minivan, once I got over the idea of driving one, is truly the GODDESS of long trip vehicles. I am grateful for it. No stops for poopy diaper changes or wailing for bottles. That time is behind us. Now it is "I spy with my little eye" and probably a DVD. Shameless, I know.

So, there will be a post or two or three. Depending on how organized I was before I left town. Please check in. And know, that I will be checking up on you saucy wenches and butchies, when I get back. Oh, yes, I will return to your blog...with a vengeance! Ta Ta!

Why was it even tempting in the first place?

As it turned out, it was an easy decision to turn down the job offer. I am so glad that the interview took place on a Friday, as I was able to spend lots of time thinking ...weighing the pros and cons, over the weekend. I sat down and did the childcare math and if I had taken the job, BOY & GIRL would be moving from doing 25 hours in preschool/childcare to 50 hours a week. That would be 10 hours a day. I found that number just mind blowing. Of course, if it had been a job that I felt really passionate about doing, somehow we would have made it work. Somehow. Isn't it a human implulse to justify our decisions? But, this seemed an extreme jump in hours away from me for both of them. Also, BOY is just beginning small steps on his way back to gaining an afternoon or two a week -staying a full day. He is in such a good place right now and it is wonderful to see his growth and his readiness to take this next step. His first full day experiment will be a week from this Friday. He is very excited.

It was immensely helpful to meet with a close friend, who also has a younger, sensitive boy and talk it through. She works full-time, her husband is in school, and something she said really struck a note with me. "JCK, I have a wonderful job, love the people whom I work with- they're flexible when childcare issues come up, I've established myself...yet it is still very hard for me." And because her husband has a more flexible schedule, he can drop off the kids a bit later in the morning and she picks them up at 4:30pm. Then he gets dinner started so that they can eat by 6pm. She also looked over the job description, which I had asked for during the interview, and told me that it sounded like a job that I would excel at, but one that would truly be exhausting. And she is right. I certainly was qualified for the job. I worked as an Executive Assistant/Administrative Assistant/Personal Assistant for 7 years. I've got the chops. But, do I want that frenzy in my life? And the answer is "no." Being a mom to a 3 and 4 year old is frenzy enough, thank you very much. I can do frenzy, but my natural rhythms are not fast paced like that. I'm a tea drinker, chocolate connoisseur and occasional whiskey sipper, after all.

However, what I have been grappling with since yesterday's conversation with my recruiter is this: Why was it even tempting in the first place? Other than a good salary, which is really only a surface consideration. Not that additional money wouldn't help us, but the answer requires digging deeper. What I came up with is this... I'm needing to be SEEN - for my work to be seen. An acknowledgement that the work that I do as a stay-at-home mom has value. A recognition of sorts. Other than the intellectualizing of "I'm staying home with the kids to give them ___ (fill in the blank with what you will.) My "fill in the blank" is: "to give them time with me," and perhaps ...honestly, "for me to have time with GIRL & BOY."

It felt really, really good to be wanted, to have an offer 20 minutes after I left the building, to have a concrete monetary value placed upon my potential work that I would do there. What we do as mothers is so invisible. All of the little things that make a household run smoothly...or not so smoothly, but it runs - are so intangible. Sure, there are the concrete things: I do the laundry, cook the meals, take them to play dates, schedule our lives,etc., etc. But, all of those little moments ...gone like gossamer wings, yet vital to mothering. What of those? So, the truth? The truth is that this job offer was tempting, because my ego was fed and it was HUNGRY for food. The food of being a "valuable" citizen. And the lure of a job that I could do and do well with a paycheck at the end of it.

I sometimes fantasize about being a full-time working mom. I imagine myself with chic shoes and tidy clothes, free of food stains left by grubby little hands. I have friends who do the juggle - both a career and a family. Some work because they have to work for the financial benefit, others because that is what keeps them sane and they have a passion for their careers. These passionate women who work outside the home, who thrive on their careers, didn't exist many years ago. Today we have choices. Perhaps too many, but I'll take choices over no choices any day of the week. The women who are working today are enjoying the life of the women who fought for us. I believe it was something called ..."the women's movement."

One of the saddest things I find is that we as women are our own harshest critics. How is it that the source of our sanity, our sisterhood - the ability to share experiences with other women can also be the source of jealousy and competition? It is the SAHM vs. the Working Mom. And it is rampant. A powder keg. A set-up of US against THEM. I don't want to join in that contest. I want to support other women as they make the right choices for their families. Some women truly need to be working. They would go insane being a mom who stays at home. God bless them. They're right. It can be insanity. However, some of us as moms at home, at least on certain days, feel that the decision is a great one. For us. It can work! It is a roller coaster, but the ride can be an adrenaline rush!

Some women are "better mothers" because they don't stay home with their children. They feel they are "better mothers" to their children, because if they stayed home they would find themselves frustrated and angry. And they don't want to raise children that way. That makes sense to me. Some women have to work, and that is a better decision for their families. And some women choose to be at home, and that is my current choice. At some point, a job opportunity will present itself -perhaps even part-time, and I will take it. But, for now, on most days I am more than content being a stay-at-home mom. I just wish that, even for one day, I could experience someone handing me a paycheck for the challenging career that I do - that of being a mom who stays at home and runs a household. I would be visible. And, they wouldn't even have to say I did a great job. I would know it...

I said... thanks, but NO thanks

The phone, the phone IS ringing...

What, what is your decision about THE JOB?

I said...... thanks, but NO thanks.

AAARRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!! ...the sound of screams reverberating off of the San Gabriel mountains.

It is 9:15am Monday morning.

I believe my recruiter has begun JackO'Clock early.

The whys of my decision to be continued...

Bathing suit...a one piece WONDER

THIS....BULLETIN...JUST....IN ....FROM....JCK..... CUTE, DEEP BROWN, HALTER ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT FOUND!!! What's up is up and what's around stays a ROUND. No need for frump, bump or lump. And where did I find this gem? This pièce de résistance ? Once again, SCORE AT TARGAY!

In fact it "flatters, fits and inspires confidence."

And it even goes with the Targay hat!

No bathing SKIRT, people!! Never, NEVER, never! This fishnet Mama DON'T do skirts.

*off to do pushups and crunches...got to keep up my image of a 2 fisted, whiskey drinkin', chocolate munchin', caffeine gulpin' good ol' flat assed MAMA!


*TOTAL LIE on the pushups. Oh, and the crunches. Unless the chocolate is crispy!

**Photo Credit: Esther Williams from Google Images

I get a phone call...

WARNING: Extremely long post ahead. Perhaps best to check back later.

Life has been running fairly smooth at Casa de Motherscribe as of late. GIRL loves going to school part-time and we're doing a Mommy and Me swim class at the Y on Saturdays. BOY is still going to school 5 mornings and will be doing his first full day in two weeks. It feels like he is ready and he's been talking about wanting to do a full day and play with his friends for weeks. E has his own home renovation contracting business going full throttle and has decided to start a professional theater company. He is handpicking his board and is very fired up about it. I am continually struggling with balance in my life, and feel on some days that I am succeeding. These first 4 1/2 years with the kids have been challenging for me. It is definitely what I wanted, but I didn't expect it to be so hard at times. Or so incredibly fulfilling either. I find being a mother so full of paradoxes! This may sound odd, but recently I have actually just begun to see what the fun of being a stay-at-home-mom can really feel like. Being available to take BOY to swim lessons, having time with GIRL on mornings when BOY is in school -even if it is doing errands together...it is special time. I feel like I am just getting into my groove. Maybe it is temporary, maybe not.

There was a time, after I got over the hurdle, when I definitely wanted to return to work full-time. However, things have changed in our lives a bit. E is working for himself again and we are not under quite the financial burden that we were before. And with GIRL starting the Pre-K program in the fall, I have been considering what it would be like to work part-time, since they will both be in school 5 mornings a week and 2 afternoons. I also haven't been thinking about outside work over the last few months because I've been focused on BOY and getting him through the rough patch. And he has gotten through! He's flying solo -with us there when he needs us. It is joyful to see his growth!

This week has been crazy with the preparations for Teacher Appreciation Day at the kids' school. We had 30 teachers to celebrate. We booked 2 massage therapists to come in and give the teachers 15 minute mini-massages, had all the families bring in flowers for the teachers and had a dinner catered for them last night. The dinner was scheduled for 5pm and at 5:05pm we were done. It was exhausting, but felt good to pamper the wonderful teachers who take such great care of our children. So, in the midst of racing around picking up supplies for the dinner at Targay and another store, I get a phone call....

It is my recruiter. I haven't talked to her in months! Did I ever get a job? Am I available? She has a job possibility for me as an Executive Assistant to a woman with her own company.

This is the job description: This is a personal assistant to a very educated, particular and fast paced person. LOTS of travel arrangements for the executive in ____ and an additional executive in Austin. Must be computer proficient however uses mostly Outlook for calendaring as R does her own PowerPoint presentations (80 pages plus) and Word, and Excel but wants this person to know the programs in case something needs to be reprogrammed. As the former President of ____, she now does high level compensation deals. Will also do work for another one of her cos. This company is a holding company. Will also assist with personal work such as dinner reservations and appts. Will pitch in with phones as everyone in the office does. Will need to screen calls and realize the when to put calls through. Needs to schedule her appts and confirm them each day. R is a perfectionist who needs all the "i"'s dotted and the "t"'s crossed. She is very set in her ways. She is an Ivy League graduate and a mathematician. Wants a "seasoned" professional to interact with her "high level" ____clients.

I Google the woman. She has testified on a committee discussing the President of the United States' salary. She's been on TV. She's a go getter and a high achiever.

In between last minute errands and setting up for the Teachers' dinner, I go on the interview. I enjoy myself. I'm weird that way. I actually like the interview process. I like meeting people. I meet first with the business manager. She is very personable, and has a great sense of humor. She says THAT is KEY to working there. We meet for about 30 minutes. Then I meet with R who would be my boss and another woman. R has been described as tough and blunt, challenging to work with. I can see that immediately, but what I like about her is that she recognizes this about herself and talks openly about it during the interview. She also says that she does not mean to come across that way, but she is always running, running, running and on to the next thing. The assistant has to be able to run with her. We talk for about 30 minutes and then she has to take a call.

I continue to talk with the other woman, who is friendly and has a good vibe. R may be tough, but she certainly surrounds herself with nice people. It is a small office, and everyone emphasizes the importance of everyone getting along. Apparently the former assistant (who worked there 8 months) had a problem with a bad attitude that impacted the entire group. R needs a people person as the assistant would be representing R. I feel good and finish up the interview. Then I race over to the school to do the final set-up preparations for the Teachers' dinner. My cell phone rings. My recruiter says they want to make me an offer. It's been 20 minutes since I left the interview. The official offer letter is coming in by Monday morning.

And NOW what to do?

There are lots of positives. It is only 5 miles away with a great salary. I would be challenged and I know I could do it. The benefits are OK. Not bad for being a small start-up company. (She resigned as President of another company to start this one just a year ago.) No overtime is expected, unless work is not getting done during a crunch time and then I can work from home in the evening. That is expected to be rare. The former assistant will come in to train me. During the interview, I brought up my needing to be available to go to special functions at the children's school and to go on school tours in the fall observing kindergartens. She said that would not be a problem. The pace would be frenetic on some days and low key on the days when she is out of the office. She travels every week. Sometimes for a night. Sometimes for several days. So, I would have some days that aren't crazed. The other people in the office seem very personable and approachable.

But...do I want to work for a workaholic? (She is there weekends, late at night and early in the morning when she is in town.) Do I want to work for someone who is tough and blunt and needs me to be operating full tilt (even after those nights of 3 wake up calls from BOY)? Do I want to work in a fast paced environment again? Most of all, do I want to spend that much time away from my children? Things would be different. We would have basically the weekends as family time and evenings during the week. Can I jump BOY quickly up to 5 full days? Taking this job would greatly increase our finances, but much of the work that usually falls to me now - the laundry, cleaning, baths, bedtime routine, grocery shopping - basically running the household would probably still fall to me as E is trying to run a business and start a new business, his passion - the theater. I know a lot of women do it - work full-time and do the majority of the work at home, too. I just don't know if that is what I want, if I have a choice. The idea of taking a job would be to benefit the family. I just want to make sure that THIS would benefit the family.

I have NO idea what I will decide. What would you do?