The Universe has been sending me a strong message of late. Things are coming to me that speak of change. Exciting things. It requires leaving my comfort zone...
I know it is good for me, but my stomach begs to differ. It was always that way as an actress years ago. The very thing that I craved, that gave me a rush like no other, the very thing that I went after, gave me almost paralyzing stage fright. Yet, I always came back for more. I couldn't eat for hours before a performance, and only started breathing after I got onstage. It was the time leading up to being onstage that was so difficult. It never really got better. Yet, I loved acting. Being in someone else's skin for a time. The feeling of family, a camaraderie with the other actors and crew. It felt right.
I don't act anymore. And I don't miss it. Much. Yet, occasionally ...when we're at the theater, I'll feel an ache for that former life. Of being engaged in a play. Sharing that experience with other actors. But, no aches for the stage fright. Never that.
I look forward to a quiet space now. I delight in sitting down and running my fingertips across the keyboard. I spill words onto the screen page that are my own. And that excites me and feels right. The pain in the process is subtler. No high drama of a deep swoon. Yet, there is pain in hitting a wall. When it is up to you, as a writer, to put the piece together. To chisel out words, when they don't appear to be under the surface.
I know it is good for me, but my stomach begs to differ. It was always that way as an actress years ago. The very thing that I craved, that gave me a rush like no other, the very thing that I went after, gave me almost paralyzing stage fright. Yet, I always came back for more. I couldn't eat for hours before a performance, and only started breathing after I got onstage. It was the time leading up to being onstage that was so difficult. It never really got better. Yet, I loved acting. Being in someone else's skin for a time. The feeling of family, a camaraderie with the other actors and crew. It felt right.
I don't act anymore. And I don't miss it. Much. Yet, occasionally ...when we're at the theater, I'll feel an ache for that former life. Of being engaged in a play. Sharing that experience with other actors. But, no aches for the stage fright. Never that.
I look forward to a quiet space now. I delight in sitting down and running my fingertips across the keyboard. I spill words onto the screen page that are my own. And that excites me and feels right. The pain in the process is subtler. No high drama of a deep swoon. Yet, there is pain in hitting a wall. When it is up to you, as a writer, to put the piece together. To chisel out words, when they don't appear to be under the surface.
So, perhaps I will receive this offering of being shaken out of my comfort zone. I will stand in supplication with palms open. Daring myself to take a new turn.
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