The Universe has been sending me a strong message of late. Things are coming to me that speak of change. Exciting things. It requires leaving my comfort zone...
I know it is good for me, but my stomach begs to differ. It was always that way as an actress years ago. The very thing that I craved, that gave me a rush like no other, the very thing that I went after, gave me almost paralyzing stage fright. Yet, I always came back for more. I couldn't eat for hours before a performance, and only started breathing after I got onstage. It was the time leading up to being onstage that was so difficult. It never really got better. Yet, I loved acting. Being in someone else's skin for a time. The feeling of family, a camaraderie with the other actors and crew. It felt right.
I don't act anymore. And I don't miss it. Much. Yet, occasionally ...when we're at the theater, I'll feel an ache for that former life. Of being engaged in a play. Sharing that experience with other actors. But, no aches for the stage fright. Never that.
I look forward to a quiet space now. I delight in sitting down and running my fingertips across the keyboard. I spill words onto the screen page that are my own. And that excites me and feels right. The pain in the process is subtler. No high drama of a deep swoon. Yet, there is pain in hitting a wall. When it is up to you, as a writer, to put the piece together. To chisel out words, when they don't appear to be under the surface.
I know it is good for me, but my stomach begs to differ. It was always that way as an actress years ago. The very thing that I craved, that gave me a rush like no other, the very thing that I went after, gave me almost paralyzing stage fright. Yet, I always came back for more. I couldn't eat for hours before a performance, and only started breathing after I got onstage. It was the time leading up to being onstage that was so difficult. It never really got better. Yet, I loved acting. Being in someone else's skin for a time. The feeling of family, a camaraderie with the other actors and crew. It felt right.
I don't act anymore. And I don't miss it. Much. Yet, occasionally ...when we're at the theater, I'll feel an ache for that former life. Of being engaged in a play. Sharing that experience with other actors. But, no aches for the stage fright. Never that.
I look forward to a quiet space now. I delight in sitting down and running my fingertips across the keyboard. I spill words onto the screen page that are my own. And that excites me and feels right. The pain in the process is subtler. No high drama of a deep swoon. Yet, there is pain in hitting a wall. When it is up to you, as a writer, to put the piece together. To chisel out words, when they don't appear to be under the surface.
So, perhaps I will receive this offering of being shaken out of my comfort zone. I will stand in supplication with palms open. Daring myself to take a new turn.
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I am so right (write) there with you. Struggling yet hopeful.
ReplyDeleteHi - just stumbled on your blog. But just wanted to let you know, I'm right there with you too, and it's exciting!
ReplyDeleteIt is exciting.
ReplyDeleteI wrote about my blogging anniversary in a PG13 fashion today. LOL.
We are on the same page.
Looks like big things are in your future :)
ReplyDeleteDid I miss it? What's happening?
ReplyDeleteDitto Suburban Correspondent. Wha?!
ReplyDeleteWow...this particular post put me "over the top" with interest for your journey. Your second to last paragraph put a deep hook in my hide and makes me want to go back and read all your posts. That, I'm told, is music to a blogger's ears; would be to me. I'm a fan.
ReplyDeleteI too am seeking; the path takes the form of words and the imagery you create in that paragraph resonates deeply. I get it.
Following along and getting inspired. Best to you, kate
I miss acting terribly. I never had stage fright, though. I know people who did and it can be terrible.
ReplyDeleteDo tell? You have something in the works??
One woman show? Or is that taking an old turn?
ReplyDeleteD@#$%-it! You are such a tease, tell us about the direction of that change you hinted at in the beginning of the post, it sounds exciting!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm happy that you are in such a happy and forward looking frame of mind, that shines through clearly in your words!
This sounds promising! Looking forward to hearing about it. (I'm ready for another play - after all it's been almost 6 months! But as I told someone, I wouldn't turn down a movie if the right people were in it with me.)
ReplyDeleteI may be selfish, but I'd really like to see you in a role where you could wear your fishnets.
ReplyDeleteTell me more!!!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to hear what you've got up your sleeve!
ReplyDeleteVery well put!
ReplyDeletewhatever it is, you will rule it.
ReplyDeleteWha...Huh? You big tease! What's going on? Dish, girl, dish!
ReplyDeletesometimes when there's an opportunity to do what ONCE-UPON-A-TIME you were so familiar with, it does gives you butterflies in your tummy doesn't it? it does to me, seems all so familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time...I just did go back to my old ways alittle last week and I felt that way....
ReplyDeleteas for acting, boy oh boy, I have no idea why I'm always the chosen one in school plays, I HAVE STAGE FRIGHT, unbelievable but you've got to believe, EVERYTIME I'M on stage, I TRIPPED AND FALL!!!! *Urgggghhhh*
It sounds like something very interesting is on your horizon - I'll be awaiting the details...
ReplyDelete