Thursday, August 21, 2008

I have a calm exterior that belies a roiling mind

Yesterday I was having one of those "anxiety lives in my cells and I believe I could be a lunatic" kind of days. It probably didn't help when I heard loud rustling/gnawing sounds emanating from the region just above my head last night. I swear we have Beavers in our attic. Yes, Beavers. Not the creepy gnaw, gnaw of mice but the CHOMP CHOMP of something LARGER. But, then, perhaps my sanity was in question anyway.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't do well rocketing from one place to the next. It is anathema to my being. So, when I'm forced to ping and pong about, my energy tends to get zapped and I appear a bit unhinged. At least to myself. No one else appears to be aware. I have a calm exterior that belies a roiling mind. I didn't go to acting school for nuttin'.

It is days like these that make me want to sell everything and run away to pitch a tent in nature. Except for a minor problem. Camping terrifies me. Terrifies me. I adore hiking. LOVE it. It's the CAMPING that causes my buttocks to clench in a vice that would make Susan Powter proud. STOP THE INSANITY! Perhaps it is the lack of mattress, hot shower, and sharing small spaces with more than myself. Then there are always the creatures...We live in California. Our friends who camp do so. Gaily. [As in Julie Andrews running across a field singing about THE SOUND OF MUSIC! Not as in Julie Andrews in Victor/Victoria being a woman disguised as a man pretending to be a woman.] Yes, our friends seem to find it delightful to toast marshmallows amidst wandering bears, mountain lions and rattlesnakes. Well, perhaps I should qualify that with ...while camping in nature, there IS a likelihood of encountering your own, very special, WILD KINGDOM. I need to get over my stuff. My need for a comfortable bed at the end of the day without the Safari attitude. I do have children now. Children whose eyes grow large and who appear to be getting more and more intrigued with ...camping. And E is basically Mr. Mountain man hero, so that doesn't help my case.

So, when all else fails I take to bed. Of course this doesn't work too well with two smallish children. However, an imposed QUIET TIME played off as... "the best for one's children" can really be of huge benefit to a childish, whiny mind in an adult body. This would be me. A nap. Or going to bed early. Amazing how things can look so much better after one gets some sleep.

And what is it that is making me roil about, gnash my teeth and wail? An overabundance of self-imposed duties and social activities. Which... take me away from my writing and WITCH [yes the spelling is deliberate] WITCH cause me to feel off balance and ill tempered.

So, I'm off to slip my limbs into cool sheets that promise a quieting of the mind. I just hope it's more successful than last time. When I put my head down blissfully only to... LEAP UP wiping away fur that was not mine. EEEEWWW..... I know. I know. It makes you want to cinch that Girl Scout Belt a little tighter, doesn't it? Wish me luck.

She's going IN !!!!!

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  1. we need to have a kumbaya moment, don't we?

  2. I'm having weird anxiety now, too. Blah. Thankfully no one is pressuring me to go camping. Do not like camping, not one bit, oh no I don't. I live in New York City partly to make sure I'm as far away from camping as possible.

    Good luck!

  3. Thanks for the Julie Andrews analogy clarification.


  4. Hope you got that sleep!
    My mind has been roiling lately as well and after the third night waking with chest pains I've realized it's time to stop pushing myself all the time and just GO TO BED EARLY!

  5. Rest, dear one. I'm with you. I'd so much rather hike than camp yet when our girl joined GS, I've done both.

    With 15 tweens.

    In the rain.

    I survived. (Because my girl counts it as some of the best times in her life.)

    But today, roll in those sheets, however you like.

  6. Camping? No. The closest I will ever get to camping is if the only hotel available is a Holiday Inn. To me, that's camping.

    But I just can't get past the CHOMPING BEAVERS. BWAHAHAHA. No wonder your mind roils. What with the threat of a CHOMPING BEAVER and all.

    I'm sorry. I can't help it. These are the types of things that roil through my mind. I know I'm a sick, sick person. And I'm mostly okay with it :).

  7. Could be a raccoon in your attic (or as once was true in our case, a family of raccoons). They tend to be active at night, sleep by day. I discovered this fact when I saw raccoon piss dripping onto my dissertation. Nice, huh?

    I like camping - but hate the packing, the thinking, the organizing. I'm truly ready to crawl into fetal position by the time we drive off.

  8. This is soooo good to read. I love it...ooops not loving the misery that you are going through but the way the misery was written....

    If I could write like you, I'll be soooo pissed to be so overloaded with so many other things that take me away from my 'lover'-writing...too

    go rest well girl....

  9. I can't help you with the anxiety, but the camping?

    Air mattress

    Campground with pay showers

    AC adaptor for cigarette lighter that will power a blender so you can have margaritas.


    You'll never have more fun with your kids.

  10. jenn &juggling life beat me to it - there is a difference between car camping and backpacking my dear. Take those babies camping at a campground with all the amenities. Those are memories they will have for the rest of their lives.

  11. No kidding. You might like it a bit better on the east coast, not so many large creatures. When I joined a California family it was an adjustment to say the least. I'd never go camping here!

  12. I've been a bit anxious too, mostly because of money. The Great Flea Invasion causing multiple extra chores has not helped me relax. And since no one sleeps through the night, neither do I. Which is probably the MAIN issue.

    As to camping, I have been backpacking and car camping. There are advantages to either. The primary problem I have is too much stuff. Which I then have to carry around.


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