Sunday, August 31, 2008

Rants and Raves guest posts on Motherscribe

The lovely Jen from Rants and Raves has agreed to guest post on Motherscribe today. Jen is a mom, wife, aspiring writer and nanny. Yes, that is correct. A nanny. I know I make that sound like ...well, like...she's divinely insane, because she is a mother and chooses to watch other people's small children. Her sense of humor is always there, and she's the one you want to hang out with after a looong, It's JackO'Clock!! day.....Enjoy!

Watching The Olympics Makes Me Feel Like A Shlup

Don't go running for your dictionary. "Shlup" isn't really a word. I made it up when explaining to my husband how I feel when I'm around our friend Rachel. Rachel always looks good. She is always dressed in clothes that flatter her, in the current styles. Her hair always looks good, and her makeup is always flawlessly applied. Think Stacey on What Not to Wear - she even looks a bit like her! To say that I feel "frumpy" around her, just didn't quite say it. "Shlup" means frumpy, but it also means a person who needs to work on themselves in a certain area - like, say fashion or fitness.

Let me start by saying that I don't exercise. I know that I should, and believe me, the desire is there, but the willpower, and the ability is not. I have signed up for various fitness classes in my adult life, and each and every time, I hurt my back, and had to quit the class. The only class that was the exception was when I took water aerobics. Those 60 year old ladies and I - we were fierce! We looked good and we knew it.

Jim and I have really enjoyed watching the Olympics. We taped it, so we didn't watch it as it was happening, but we did watch a little, or sometimes a lot of each event. For some reason, this year, more than any other, I was in awe of it all. The things that those athletes can do is simply extraordinary!

I watched Dara Torres, a 41 year old mother of a toddler, who in my opinion, deserves a medal just for getting her body to look like that at the age of 41, win a silver medal.

I watched Michael Phelps, set record after record, winning more medals than any other athlete in one Olympic game. He swam 17 times over nine days and broke the world record in four of his five individual swims.

I watched as divers jumped off a tower the height of a 3 story building, hitting the water at a speed of 35 mph, head first, again and again.

I sat on my couch, eating chocolate chip cookies, as Constantina Tomescu-Dita ran, and ran, and ran, and kept running long after winning the gold medal. (I was beginning to wonder if she could stop!)

I sat with my jaw hitting the floor as I watched the women's water polo players swim back and forth across the pool again and again, and throw a ball into the net, while treading water, and avoiding being drowned by another player! They did that for 32 minutes! How they don't get a leg cramp and drown I don't know. I think one of those ladies could beat me up with their big toe.

Jim and I sat on our couch, him eating chips, me eating cookies again, watching the girls rhythmic gymnastics event. Did you see what those girls can do with a rope and a hoop?! At one point, I exclaimed through a mouthful of cookies, "Jim, she just touched the back of her head to the heel of her foot! I doubt I can touch my head to my knee!" We both leaned over to try to do just that. Jim groaned, "Ow! That's hard on your back!", and I started to laugh. Then, I was the one in pain. "Oh! Ow!" "What did you do?", Jim asked, also laughing. I sputtered out, while laughing and trying to breathe, "I got a sharp pain in MY BOOB!" Then I laughed until I cried. I shouldn't laugh that hard. I might throw my back out.

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  1. I miss the Olympics - I loved watchiang all those magnificant athletes! I loved this post, Jen - so funny!

    Have a good day, Jen and J - see you soon - Kellan

  2. I have to say watching you eat chocolate chip cookies would excite me more than the dancing with ribbon thing. Petition the IOC. I want cookies!

  3. Oh... I think I just threw my neck out laughing at your last paragraph! God that's funny...

  4. I have to represent for the Water Polo players (having 2 of my own)--they don't tread water, they "eggbeater." Not the same thing!

    I console myself with the fact that it takes an entire team of people to keep Dara Torres in that kind of shape.

  5. Two of the reasons I know I really like you after reading this post:
    1. You say schlup. I call myself a schlep.
    2. You said that you "taped" the olympics. You didn't say anything that makes me feel like I've been left in the dark ages, like tevo. Such a funny post!

  6. You and me, girl.

    My treadmill calls my name all the time. Oh, and the community pool, with lap lanes. I was so inspired during the Olympics to start exercising, but have I? (um, no...) But I did eat some Oreos.

    Also, whatever those water polo players are doing (treading water or eggbeater-ing or whatever) it looks damn hard. I looked up how many calories I would burn treading water for an hour and it's a lot, almost 600. Maybe I should try that.

    Great post...You made me laugh! (needed it)

  7. Oh, you and I would make great exercise partners!

  8. Yes v funny last para! we too really got into the olympics this year, never have been before. loved your take on it! And hadn't discovered Motherscribe before now - great!

  9. that's funny... I felt similarly when I sneezed and wrenched my back once!

  10. Kellan, Thanks! I loved your post about the Olympics, too.WAAAHHH (I'm cheering as you mow your lawn)

    Mrs.G, I thought watching a girl twirl a ribbon around would put me to sleep, but I was impressed! Don't get me wrong, I CAN put cookies away with the best of them - pretty exciting to watch I'm sure.

    Sparx, Thanks so much for stopping by to leave some comment love.

    Jenn, I would need an army of people to look like Dara. "Eggbeater"?!

    Heather, I love people who make up words!

    Jennifer, "But I did eat some Oreos" - HA! I'm sure riding a horse behind a steamy cowboy would burn a few calories, and would be a hell of a lot more fun!

    Shellie, Yea, we should take a class. Want to join me and those 60 yr old ladies?

    Elsie, Motherscribe is a good read. Glad I could introduce her to you.

    Manager Mom, That is funny! I could totally do that!

  11. If Olympics Watching were a sport, you might just win the gold. The ability to watch while munching on cookies has a high degree of difficultly, after all.

    Great post!

  12. Haaa! Very, very funny! If I go offline for a few days I'll get you to guest post for me too!

    I did the same thing, by the way...not causing pain in my boob, but just watching while eating junk food.

  13. I'm here, I'm here! Don't be sad!! (And please don't hit me! :) )

    I think I threw my back out when I snorted about you throwing your boob out. (My boobs are so flat after I stopped nursing there's nothing to throw out.)

    Dana Torres is my hero. I had my first at 41, and I think she was 39 or something, but obviously, swimming is the way to get your body back. Now if we only had a pool . . .


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