Today, calling myself a writer feels deceptive. Oh...I miss it! The writing life. The sifting of words to replace the ordinary. The stretching of my brain into creative alleyways. That feeling, like no other, of stumbling down a path that alternates with smooth stones and unknown crevasses. I want it, all of it, and need it. But, for now, my writing life is sitting low. Sometimes it feels like it is just out of reach, patiently waiting for me, and other times it feels incredibly far away. As if that was another person entirely.
My writing muscles grow weak - my life taken over by The Must Do's, and my head cluttered with The To Do's. Creativity dying a dusty death somewhere nearby.
Words, like clothes, get old-fashioned, or mean and ridiculous, when they have been for some time laid aside —William Hazlitt
If I could have anything in my life at this moment, it would be the ability to do it all. The adjustment to working full-time has gone well, yet I feel overwhelmed...often. Perhaps, I have to accept that it is the perpetual state of one who works full-time, is a wife and mother, and who has some semblance of a writing career...on the side.
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I no longer have all the responsibilities of young children and yet sometimes I wonder where the time goes.
ReplyDeleteOverwhelm, I know thee well.
ReplyDeleteBe patient with yourself, it will get easier. I actually found that writing was easier when I was working. I think having less time to waste makes me more productive. I'm going to put that theory to the test.. starting a new full time job in a week.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I feel that way sometimes myself.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that helps get my creative juices going are the "theme" blog things I participate in, like Pink Saturday, and the Thematic Photographic, and - really great - the PROMPTuesdays that Deb runs. It's ironic that the most creative of these was Deb's and I stopped doing that one (but I've started again)
Sometimes it seems contrived to do these things, but when you think about it, it's almost like working in a writing class and being given an assignment.
You might find and choose different activities than the ones I do, but they do help. I often like to force myself to do exactly the opposite of what my first instinct is, just to keep my chops nimble.
Visit my blog for the links or email me and I'll send them.