if we don't have someone to lean on - listen to, hug, and to love, we are empty vessels

We like to say that life's challenges are relative -what weighs in the worrisome column as opposed to the tragedy column is all how it relates to "you." I find myself questioning the Universe as I struggle to find balance in my life. While I am on that journey it seems that I'm surrounded by loved ones dealing with much larger struggles - breast cancer, a brain stent fail and multiple operations, a stroke, marriage struggles, and losing a home due to job loss. All of these are separate, yet the overwhelming feeling is the same. We all experience hardship of varying degrees and we need each other. If we don't have someone to lean on - listen to, hug, and to love, we are empty vessels.

The word "Perspective" has been coming into my consciousness over and over again. Like a new mantra. I've been sideswiped by my loved ones' challenges. No one's life goes unscathed, yet I feel at odds. It's not guilt per se, yet there is discomfort knowing that I have in this moment in time... a smoothness to my life - in comparison. Yet, my anxiety level is going into overkill. Why is that?

So, I try to focus on what really matters. Those small moments - a glimpse of a sunrise with my children, two of the best weeks my son has ever had in school, my daughter's need to hear my voice read her a story, the inescapable giggles of bouncing on the trampoline with my GIRL & BOY, and seeing my husband walk in the door. It is life and living and I need to acknowledge that I have the privilege of still breathing on this place we call earth...

	Tweet

Mommy, is Santa Claus real?

It's that magical time of the year! Parents of wide-eyed and impressionable children are going fast and furious- making sure that their children are well nourished in Santa Claus Lore... despite the countdown to the TRUTH. JCK is no different. JCK has been getting her exercise trying to slam back that "Santa Claus" crushing SERVE smacked over the net by her two children.


Mommy, is there a Santa Claus?

Mommy, is Santa Claus real?

Mommy, do you sneak out in the night and buy us a bunch of presents?


JCK has been lobbing those balls back like nobody's business.

Well, what do YOU think? (Good volley, JCK)

Do I sneak out in the middle of the night and buy you a bunch of presents? No, I do not.

(Well, this is...TRUE. JCK does not sneak out in the middle of the night to purchase presents. There might be some...sneaking INTO THE KITCHEN to scarf down treats, but no one has to know about that.)

40 LOVE ...for JCK.

But, it's not feeling like JCK is winning. She is truly teetering on the fine-line edge of THE TRUTH, and it is uncomfortable. JCK has prided herself on being honest with her children, barring something that is age inappropriate. However, JCK knows that she is on a precipice now between what is real, what is imaginary, and the complicated parts betwixt the two. Everyone WANTS to BELIEVE...including the large child with silver hair. Will this be the last Christmas for the Santa hold-out?

JCK remembers when she heard there was NO SANTA! from one of those DO-GOODERS in Elementary school. JCK remembers going home and asking her mother and being devastated- devastated...when her mother told her the TRUTH.

Was the worst part that there was NO SANTA or that her parents had misled her? JCK is not sure, but JCK knows that she doesn't wish that onto her children. Yet, she just hasn't been able to let it go...this year. Perhaps JCK needs to believe in Santa more than her children do.

So, this Christmas, as you kiss those sweet little brows or hug your grown-up children, remember that the magic of Santa can come in many forms. At least, that's what JCK is telling herself...

Merry Christmas, to all! And to all a good night! HO! HO! HO!

	Tweet

where they will not be judged by the color of their skin

Last night at bed time, GIRL had a lot of questions. GIRL had been learning about Martin Luther King, Jr in school. In children's chapel at church, they had talked about Dr. King and the Civil Rights Movement. GIRL wanted to know why the words in the African American spiritual, "Oh Freedom," said that before I'll be a slave, I'll be buried in my grave. JCK explained, as best she could, about slavery in our country and how all of it led up to the Civil Rights Movement.

Today JCK is deeply grateful for her daughter's school teachers:

"We decided that even if we painted ourselves blue, or if we shaved off all our hair off, we would still be the same people. We tried to see that it doesn't matter what our outside looks like, but that all the qualities that make us a person are the things that we have inside our hearts. We have family inside our hearts. We have love inside our hearts. We have friends, culture, likes, and dislikes."

And, most of all, JCK is grateful that her GIRL asks questions. Even when JCK has a hard time answering them...

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today."


**********************
"I made a Birthday card for Martin Luther King Juniors, Mommy! It was my idea"
Card by GIRL.

	Tweet

We weren't ready

Why is it that we rarely appreciate how precious life is...until it is gone? Is it human nature? A flaw in our evolution? Do we descend from a long, multi-generational legacy of the inattentive gene? Probably not. Because... we can't fully appreciate life, until it is absent. Only then are we are reminded that life is fragile, tenuous, often fleeting...

Death stalks us. Of course we can't live that way. Thinking that. Yet, it is a reality. Whether you experience a loved one's life slowly ebb away, or get that phone call that someone is gone, it is always so shocking.

I have to believe there is something more. Another reality. Different. Perhaps not as glorious as heaven on earth. Perhaps more so. I don't know the answer to that.

We are so small. And whatever IT is, IT is bigger than we can contemplate...

Years ago, when my paternal grandmother died, I was living across the country. The night of her death I was awakened by a very bright light. So white it was blue. Unbelievably intense, yet it didn't hurt my eyes. I was not frightened. Without any doubt, I knew it was my grandmother, there...in the room. The light hovered over me, and then went through me, engulfing my body in what I can only describe as a tingling buzz. And, then it was gone. She was gone. And, I felt touched.

Whatever happened that night - whether dream or not... It has stayed with me all of these years as a very vivid memory. It is my clue. What I cling to, when my world is jolted by death.

This week we lost the beloved wife of a friend. And, now the friend must go on. One day his wife is here, and then she isn't. I look at the vivid blue sky, and think of her. And, wonder why it was her turn to go. We weren't ready.

And, we never will be...

	Tweet

Eavesdropping on God

Having Faith is not something that has come easily to me. I'm a bit stubborn. And a lazy ass in the practice of prayer. I am learning slowly. I like to think of myself as a work in progress. A travaux en cours... Sounds much better in French.

It takes training. Repetition. Lately I've been giving it my best shot. Praying a bit. Eavesdropping on God.

BOY: GIRL, guess what's in Heaven?!

GIRL: What?

BOY: A HUMONGOUS refrigerator full of chocolate bars.

I do believe that God speaks to us. And if we have a thing for chocolate bars we listen. My husband likes the idea of creating heaven on earth. And sometimes he does...thank ye, JESUS!

The thought is lovely, but I have a hard time feeling that slice of heaven when my heart is clenched like an icicle wrapped in bubble wrap...surrounded by barbed wire. Practice. Practice. Practice. Maybe it's like tennis, and some day I'll whoop ass on the court.

So, this week has been about moving one foot in front of the other, checking off activities on our summer wish list, quieting my mind by reading aloud to my children, and believing that this challenging period is temporary. As is our time here on earth. Until we get to bite into those chocolate bars...


***************
Photo: page 2 of our Summer Wish List written by GIRL.

	Tweet