We like to say that life's challenges are relative -what weighs in the worrisome column as opposed to the tragedy column is all how it relates to "you." I find myself questioning the Universe as I struggle to find balance in my life. While I am on that journey it seems that I'm surrounded by loved ones dealing with much larger struggles - breast cancer, a brain stent fail and multiple operations, a stroke, marriage struggles, and losing a home due to job loss. All of these are separate, yet the overwhelming feeling is the same. We all experience hardship of varying degrees and we need each other. If we don't have someone to lean on - listen to, hug, and to love, we are empty vessels.
The word "Perspective" has been coming into my consciousness over and over again. Like a new mantra. I've been sideswiped by my loved ones' challenges. No one's life goes unscathed, yet I feel at odds. It's not guilt per se, yet there is discomfort knowing that I have in this moment in time... a smoothness to my life - in comparison. Yet, my anxiety level is going into overkill. Why is that?
So, I try to focus on what really matters. Those small moments - a glimpse of a sunrise with my children, two of the best weeks my son has ever had in school, my daughter's need to hear my voice read her a story, the inescapable giggles of bouncing on the trampoline with my GIRL & BOY, and seeing my husband walk in the door. It is life and living and I need to acknowledge that I have the privilege of still breathing on this place we call earth...
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I live for our small moments. Tonight: the scent of chicken roasting. A tired young man curled up around a cat. My husband walking in through the door. Precious.
ReplyDeleteYour reality is your reality--just because other's lives are harder doesn't mean yours is easy.
ReplyDeleteGoing back to work full-time is a huge adjustment and very exhausting--I didn't do it until my kids were almost out of high school. Plus, it IS stressful to watch those close to you suffer.
It's all about the small moments. All. I can understand your anxiety. For me, when reflecting on the difficulties of others, it often feels like a fine line between contentment and gratitude versus smug and jinxing myself.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think you ARE really blessed - to have two beautiful children AND to look forward to your husband walking through the door? Really a good place in life.
Working full time is a huge adjustment! I added two more days of work (now I'm working three), and I am completely overwhelmed, so I'm sure 5 is nuts.
ReplyDeleteWatching friends and loved ones is stressful. Obviously they have it worse, but it still affects us.
Hoping you find some balance.