Monday, February 8, 2010

Sometimes, it is exhausting to have a child who has more than the usual challenges...

This last week has been challenging for me emotionally. I feel drained and spent, and have avoided writing. So, I've been immersing myself in books, with a little chocolate thrown in, content to live in someone else's story for a while.

We had BOY's annual IEP last Tuesday, and although we see much growth in him, he continues to struggle in school. Socially he is, and always has, done well. It is the impulse control, (keeping his body to himself), and staying on task without being distracted that are the biggest hurdles.

He has so many strengths. He has been reading for a while, and he gets to read to his peers in school. His creativity and ability to think outside the box are surely gifts.

Yet, often he is unable to produce any work without 1 on 1 support. He is capable of doing the work. An important distinction. But, he struggles to do any kind of work on his own.

At home we battle with the same issues.

I do think that the school IS the right fit for now. And that is huge. The teachers are amazing, and truly care for BOY. We love the community of parents, and BOY is happy there. But, whether it will ultimately be the right fit, or whether he will eventually need a school with more support for learning difficulties, is still on the table.

What I was hoping he would grow out of continues to persist, and it feels as if I am in mourning. I am trying to accept it. Because I know we have a tough road ahead. I will be up for it. I will. He is my son, and I love him beyond measure. But... Sometimes, it is exhausting to have a child who has more than the usual challenges...


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16 comments:

Ginaagain said...

Oh JCK... big hugs to you. You are such a good mother and your boy is very lucky to have you. Make sure you are finding a little bit of time for yourself so that the challenges don't wear you down.

Jessica said...

This hits home in a big way. It sounds as if you are talking about Elias. As you know, we haven't made our way to kinder yet, but I am battening down the hatches. Elias cannot keep his hands to himself...it is as if he is compelled to touch others....no matter what. At times it is like watching as train wreck...you know its going to happen and there's no way to stop it. I feel powerless at times. And yet, I know the key is acceptance. We have been seeing Dr. Leonard Baker for Elias ...he's a specialist that only sees kids of this nature. I worry about Elias socially. Its hard to walk into the classroom and every other kid has a valentine on the wall that someone made for them...except Elias. Breaks my heart, and he does not know....and probably wouldn't care if he did. I feel you...big time. If you ever want to chat...you know where to find me. Big hugs to you!!

Karin said...

Sending hugs, chocolate and prayers to you, BOY and your whole family, JCK.

Angeline said...

The road ahead will be bumpy like you have anticipated..., get yourself some good cushions for your bums. *wink*
I'm sure you Will pull through... and yes, THAT exhaustion can easily tear a person down.
*super hugs*

Life As I Know It said...

oh, I feel your words as I read them. While my 8 year old does well in school, he challenges us every single day at home. Some days, I am so emotionally exhausted, I do just as you described - crawl into bed and read myself away into someone else's world.
Hang in there and know that you're doing everything right...and that he feels loved and supported.

slow panic said...

I'm feeling for you. yesterday I got a note from our speech therapist saying she wanted to discuss the boys progress this year and i automatically freaked out that something was wrong and they are not doing well. I'm scared because J11 is in 5th grade and I want him to be done with speech and this year we are paying out of pocket and it's killing me. I'll do what has to be done, but somedays are just hard.

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

((HUGS)) It is hard enough being a parent and then throwing in these extra 'challenges' is anything but fun.
It sucks. Period.

Kyrsten said...

oh, my dear JCK! you know we feel for you and have shared in your struggles. The way I try look at it is: the parts that BOY has that are amazing (like boundless creativity/energy) are the yin & yang. Our boys might not be able to have the deeply interesting parts of them if they didn't have the other parts society deems 'missing/broken.' If that makes sense...?

Jen said...

You can do this, and much more. You are the type of mom who will rise to the occasion. You will be an advocate for BOY always. I've probably told you about these books before, but have you read

http://www.amazon.com/Talkers-Watchers-Doers-Unlocking-Learning/dp/1576835995

and Raising Your Spirited Child? Both had really useful information for me as a mother, and also as a nanny working with a child who sounds somewhat similar to BOY.

MamaJ said...

I have recently learned the term "learning differences" instead of learning "difficulties" or, heaven forbid, "disability." His differences are exactly what make public education wonderful for all children (and teachers). Yes, they are challenges, but it sounds like his strengths far outweigh the challenges. Yes, he needs 1 on 1 support to complete the work assigned, or the task at hand, but in time you, and he, and his teachers, will identify ways/systems for him to engage with the world. He is growing, and will amaze you as he evolves. As long as you have a good team of grown-ups to help navigate, you are on the right road. I am reading Jane Yolen's book entitled Take Joy. It's about writing, but I am applying the philosophy to both parenting and teaching. We must Take Joy in the struggle and challenge of our tasks. Take Joy! Take Joy! And it sounds like you certainly do. (Oh, and take a yoga class once a week, too... that really helps.)

flutter said...

you are such a good mama. Your kids are so blessed to have you

Margaret said...

I know just what you mean. Mourning is the right word and it is often something I have do over and over again. At least you're at a good place.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Second Jen on Raising your Spirited Child. Also, The Difficult Child (not as big a downer as it sounds; lots of good info).

He's lucky to have you!

Janet said...

You are my hero. I will be relying on your stories because I am beginning to see some similar traits in my own boy.

Texasholly said...

Whew do I sympathize. I am about to embark on a home school day where one of my children will be on my lap for most of it due to this very issue. It is exhausting on some days. On the other hand, they have the most amazing imaginations and if we ever find out what is going on INSIDE that head...it will be breathtaking.

Shandy said...

I LOVE boy. He is such a sweetie and says the most amazing and loving things all the time ("I pray for Haiti and that I LOOOOOVE Jack") . I feel lucky to spend time with him. Congrats on the new job! I'm so happy for you!

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