I wish your hair was brown, Mommy.
Why do you like your hair like that, Mommy?
I love Miss J's hair.
Miss J, GIRL's preschool teacher, has brown hair. Like GIRL's. Like mine used to be. My daughter is in mourning for the loss of my once brown hair. She's never known me to have hair other than Silver. I don't like the word gray. It speaks of dinge and drab.
In GIRL's 4 year old world, she wants an even playing field. Where everything is similar. And comfort is measured in sameness. Moms are blonde or brunette. Not ...gray. The very thing she is wanting is what I fight against. Blending in. Being ...the same.
I really like my hair on most days. I love that it is easy. No scrambling to the hairdresser when the silver roots are showing. But, the ultimate truth is that I like it, because...it is different. It is something I've embraced for most of my adult life. Being different. Being other. Perhaps because I felt that way inside, and being visibly different on the outside is like a natural boundary. It speaks. It says...I am not one of many. Yet, of course, I am...
I could go back to the dye. I could. Yet, part of me would feel false. Because usually? The Silver feels like me. On good days, I like to think I look rather smashing and dare I say it...dramatic, with my hair. On bad days...it is pure, unadulterated, drab. And, the truth is, GIRL gets to see me on bad days. Often.
My paternal grandmother was gray/silver/white by the time she was in her early 40's. If not before. My father never remembers her without gray hair. There is nothing weighted in his words. It is just a fact. He doesn't remember.
Sometimes...in brief moments, I wonder if my decision is fair to my children. Fair in the sense that I am an older parent, anyway, and then I add silver hair into the mix. Kind of like taking out a big banner that says: OLDER MAMA LOCATED HERE.
I think I'll keep it for now. There is always time to change. GIRL will love it or hate it. Or not think about it much. Probably the latter. Or...maybe when I'm 50, I'll dye it purple...
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For more about my journey to becoming Silver, you can read and see the pictorial here.
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My hair and beard have been essentially white since my 40s (Basically all the Son's life). He and his mother are both real white blondes, so everyone that didn't know me when my hair was back assumes it is white blonde as well. Works OK for me. {*grin*]
ReplyDeleteI love your striking hair. It's so lovely.
ReplyDeleteYour hair is gorgeous. Coloring your hair should be done for you, not anyone else.
ReplyDeleteI color my hair not to cover the tiny bit of gray I have, but because it is so fine that the color gives it texture. I would love to have the thick, snow-white hair my grandmother had, but that's never going to happen.
You would be gorgeous with any color of hair. I think you're right, that your daughter won't think anything of it. Do what make you feel good, 'cause you look great!
ReplyDeleteOh no don't dye it - I like it. You teach your daughter an important lesson by showing her that you are proud to be different.
ReplyDeleteI suspect as she gets older she will be glad to have a mother who stands out from the crowd.
But you must always be true to yourself!
You are beautiful regardless of what you decide.
ReplyDeleteYou know, my mom didn't go gray until she was in her late 50's--and there were times in high school that I wished she would be more gray like my friends' parents. I know well, that child's desire to be "normal". I can't recall it now, as an adult, but I remember it well.
ReplyDeleteI too think you are stunning.
I say do what makes you happy. You look lovely (and fascinating) with the silver. I've been coloring my grays (not silver) since I was in my 20s. I'm not ready to go gray yet but would ADORE the freedom from once a month coloring.
ReplyDeleteOoooh! I'd love to see the purple!
ReplyDeleteI once knew a man who went white at 20. White. Pure white. Seriously. He looked just fine and you do too.
Your kids will get over it. I don't think they are being ripped off at all. They have a wonderful mother with SILVER hair and that's something pretty darn special if you ask me.
you may be older, but you are FIERCE and HIP, woman!
ReplyDelete