It's so hard being a grown-up parent. You hold these small, precious lives in your hands. Everyone says that children are resilient. And, indeed they are. But, when it is your children....they appear delicate. Confronted by important choices, suddenly you are supposed to know what decisions to make. And to make them! Incredibly hard. Painful. Even when you know that you are making the right decisions.
It's been difficult to quiet my mind, yet I find myself feeling relieved. And then again...it has been challenging to sleep. I feel anxious, and overwhelmed a bit. Not by their findings, but by changes that have to be made. Again. And although I am concerned about BOY dealing with a change in schools halfway through the year, I have to acknowledge that it is myself who has issues around change. Intellectually, I can tell myself that change is powerful, and brings new adventures to the table that always enrich in the end. Yet, FEAR is my first reaction. So, I need to take that suitcase of MY anxiety and check it at the door. Because, really? There is only one decision to make. The one that is best for BOY. And that means moving him to a school where he will get the help that he needs.
It's been difficult to quiet my mind, yet I find myself feeling relieved. And then again...it has been challenging to sleep. I feel anxious, and overwhelmed a bit. Not by their findings, but by changes that have to be made. Again. And although I am concerned about BOY dealing with a change in schools halfway through the year, I have to acknowledge that it is myself who has issues around change. Intellectually, I can tell myself that change is powerful, and brings new adventures to the table that always enrich in the end. Yet, FEAR is my first reaction. So, I need to take that suitcase of MY anxiety and check it at the door. Because, really? There is only one decision to make. The one that is best for BOY. And that means moving him to a school where he will get the help that he needs.
Now that the decision is made, I can breathe and move forward. It is an opportunity for growth. For all of us...
***Painting titled: "Iron Essence" by Chuck Gumpert.
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Wow. Tough decision. But it sounds like you're doing what's best for him. And with a mom like you, how could he not thrive?
ReplyDeleteIt is so important to learn to separate our fears from those of our children and to not project our anxieties onto them.
ReplyDeleteAnd they are resilient--I know it won't stop you from worrying or fretting, but when I think of all the time I wasted fretting about things (many of which were out of my control) that at the time seemed like the most important decisions ever. Not that this isn't an important decision, but he is going to end up fine whatever you decide--because he has parents that care and are knowledgeable and will make it so.
You made the right choice... now that you feel relieved, you know you are free.... you can truly breathe again, keep us updated on his first day there, won't ya?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that you've made the right decision for Boy, and I hope that you have peace with it. It might be a little rough in the transition, but I bet you'll start seeing some real growth changes in him that make you even more certain that you've done the right thing.
ReplyDeleteGood for you - and for BOY! I'll bet he just blossoms before your eyes. Now, about that checked suitcase...how about you just neglect to retrieve it? ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteYou will make the right decision.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you've already made the decision, and that is the hardest part. I think that your heart will be much lighter now.
ReplyDeletegod Bless boy and his family...
ReplyDeleteand good luck in the new school.
I'm sure all will be well.
Blessings, EJT
Tough decisions, but I get you, in the end you do the thing that is best for them, no matter what. GOod work.
ReplyDeleteAnd it makes me think about your recent post about how sometimes we just don't know what the best decision is, we don't know what will be best. So once the decision is made it becomes the right one. That's what makes it the right one. Because you'll be there loving your BOY and GIRL on the other side.
ReplyDeleteYou're an amazing mom.
We had a lot of those moments too, when my breathing would seize up and it took all my energy to take the next step.
ReplyDeleteGood work. I am so hopeful for you.
(Oh! And the picture of my girl, last week? She loves it when our school does an exchange with students from Taiwan. This time she took up the Chinese flute after school with the exchange students and performed at a New Year's celebration at one of the middle schools here. She really would love to travel, someday. It's in her bones.)
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Jennifer. Sigh....Another transition but at least you have answers.
ReplyDeleteKaren
You are a fantastic, thoughtful, intuitive parent, and it sounds like you made the very best decision. But any decision would have been right, with parents like you to support him. Hugs, my friend.
ReplyDeleteHe'll be just fine. Better than fine. He's got you holding his hand and leading the way.
ReplyDeleteIt helps me sometimes to remember that fears like these are imagined, they're what we are afraid will happen, not what is actually happening right now.
Then I decide I will "face the challenges when they get here." You've got a track record of meeting lots of challenges, right? This won't be any different.
he's going to do amazing
ReplyDeleteGood job, Mom. Check that suitcase at the door, and have a Jack o'clock.
ReplyDeleteI want to be like you when I grow up.
well done. and you've got a great attitude about it.
ReplyDeleteThat's great news. I must say how happy I was to read that they didn't recommend medicating him. In the experiences of many people in my life, that often seems to be the first response/solution offered. Not that I don't believe medications may be good for SOME kids, I do, but the wreckless over-prescribing I've witnessed worries me. I'm thrilled to hear that you didn't feel pressure to go that route and that your BOY will be getting personal attention and help specific to his needs.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you've made peace with your decision.
ReplyDeleteWhat strikes me is how lucky your BOY is to have such loving and caring parents who will do whatever it takes to help him with something that,as you say, "can all be overcome". He is blessed. Change is always so hard but I suspect you won't regret your decision(s).
ReplyDelete