Life was simpler when I was young and single, and could curl up in bed with a box of chocolates and a romance novel.
Another viewpoint on change today. A Facebook friend linked Seth Godin's latest post: No, everything is not going to be okay. It struck home. Especially this...
No, everything is not going to be okay. It never is. It isn't okay now. Change, by definition, changes things. It makes some things better and some things worse. But everything is never okay.
Finding the bravery to shun faux reassurance is a critical step in producing important change. Once you free yourself from the need for perfect acceptance, it's a lot easier to launch work that matters.
I am at a crossroads right now. I am probably going back to work. If I can find a job. Ideally part-time. Isn't it interesting how the very thing that I've been bemoaning - not having work of my own, desperately needing a separateness from my role as wife and mother, now feels threatening. Because... it is becoming a financial necessity, and not a choice. How nice it is to have choices. Yet, how often do we look the other way when opportunities present themselves?
Work that matters. It resonates. It lures me. It feels a bit...out of reach. Yet, if I can ground myself, and not sink with the fears of the what ifs??? What if I go back to work and my children feel abandoned? What am I going to miss? What if I get a part-time job, but am unable to manage the pick-ups and drop-offs of my children? What if I'm too tired to write? What if...
I am a reassurance seeker ...junkie. I'm better than I used to be, but...truthfully? I have a long, long way to go. When Godin uses the phrase "faux reassurance," is he talking about seeking reassurance that isn't real, that the people delivering the reassurance are false? Or, is he saying that the whole idea of reassurance is false, because you really can't be reassured? Because, "everything is never okay."
Perhaps it is like the fable of Santa Claus. We believe it until we don't. I reassure my children all the time. It will be okay...I say. Am I setting them up? I don't think so. Because, I need to believe it is going to be okay, too.
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I wonder about this. Saying that everything is going to be okay is not saying that everything is going to be the same or that everything is going to be perfect. It is simply saying that, no matter what, you will manage and that, overall, the good will outweigh the bad. After all these years of living, I have found that to be true. There is nothing faux about it.
ReplyDeleteI agree. It turns on our definition of "okay." If we insist on, "What meets my own personal preferences," well, then, it's most likely not going to be okay. But if we mean, "What we can learn to accept and, if we make up our minds to, ultimately embrace," then it is. It's all about our attitude.
ReplyDeleteAs for the impact of your return to the workforce on BOY and GIRL, same thing. I look at it this way: We do our best -- which includes what we HAVE to do -- and God, who loves them even more than we do, makes up the difference.
Hugs to you!
I completely understand that feeling of what you're letting go of even as you move toward something you want.
ReplyDeleteIt's almost always the advance worry that's more troubling than the new reality.
I'm taken back to an encounter I had with a student who was bent on fighting another in my classroom - I held out my hand, put it on his chest, and kept quietly repeating "You're going to be okay," like a prayer chant.
ReplyDeleteTrue, it does not mean things will be shiny happy but if you're willing to tilt your perspective a touch, you will not fall apart.
There is nothing wrong with wondering "what if;" that's just smart preparation! You'll find your way, and make it okay <3
To me "it will be okay" simply means "this too shall pass". Change is inevitable. Everything changes, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but still... changes. It is the feeling that no matter what happens, "it will be okay" that gets us through it all.
ReplyDeleteyou will breathe, you will live, you will thrive.
ReplyDeleteYou will not be okay, you will be you, which is so much more. It won't be easy, but it will BE.
JCK, I'm glad you're sharing your perspective on this. Change is inevitable. So is discomfort.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the important thing is that we don't have to go through it alone.
And so, instead of 'it's okay', I say to you, As your friend, I am with you.
- Julia