Monday, January 10, 2011

Oh, GOD, NOOO...not the "F" Word

A month ago JCK's cozy little world was turned upside down. Her sweet 7 year old boy came home and uttered the completely unexpected, yet dreaded phrase... Mommy, I know what the "F" Word is. Henceforth known in the Motherscribe household as the day the world was tossed asunder or Oh, GOD, NOOO...not the "F" Word.

JCK would like to say that she behaved like a grown-up parent. Calm, cool, collected, and unruffled when her son spoke those words. Mommy, I know what the "F" Word is. Indeed, not.

JCK did everything wrong. First she feigned ignorance.

The "F" word, BOY? What do you mean?


BOY! That is a BAD, BAD word. BOY, I NEVER, never, NEVER want to hear you say that word again.

JCK panicked. JCK overreacted. Because...Oh, GOD NOOOO...her son had uttered the "F" word.

That word. Yes. The "F" Word.

BOY, where in the WORLD did you learn that word? This is NOT a word that you can say, BOY. This is a BAD word, BOY. A bad, bad, baaaaad word.

As JCK volleyed this out of her overworking mouth, she realized that she was inciting what every parent in the trenches knows...that once you give weight and issue to the word the child is not supposed to say...they will do the very thing you wish them not to do. They. Will. Say. It. Again and again.

But, what do you do when the "F word" is brought to you by a child. Your child. And he is 7. Seven years old!

JCK's heart plunged to the very depths when this happened. Somehow she felt that her little boy was forever changed by uttering these words. JCK was wont to tears and over dramatics.

JCK's husband was kind enough to point out that BOY may be uttering the word, but he did not have any idea what he was actually saying. Unlike JCK who by now was a wild echo of FUCK within her own mind. This reassured her for about 5 minutes, and then she started wildly texting her friend.

Urgent. Must talk. Call me. Need advice.

Then JCK desperately dialed her friend and left a voicemail:

Please call me. I need your advice. Something has come up. Very important.

JCK's friend was reassuring. It will be O.K. It really WILL.

But, but...what if he teaches it to another boy. And that parent finds out...and never wants BOY to come over to their house AGAIN. Ever.

I don't think that is going to happen, JCK.

JCK is grateful for her friends. Even if they fib.

BOY revealed who had taught him the "F" word. JCK wanted to call the other boy's parents. JCK wanted to strangle that other little boy. Except for the fact that the other boy was little. Six years old. And, in Kindergarten. How can a KINDERGARTNER know the "F" Word!!!? JCK, herself, didn't learn the "F" Word until she was about 20. O.K. 22.

So, JCK didn't do either of those things. Instead she took a deep breath and hoped for the best. JCK became calmer. She tried not to put any more weight upon it than she already had.

But then...there was Christmas. And they were journeying to JCK's mother's home to spend it with family. JCK fretted. She gnashed her teeth. She could just imagine BOY blurting out the "F word" at a most inappropriate time. Like during the blessing at dinner.

God, I love my whole family. And, I'd like to thank you for the "F word." Amen.

JCK's luck held. No mention of the "F word" came up during the stay at her mother's. BOY was so distracted by Christmas itself, and with a houseful of cousins and fun activities with his grandparents, that the word burning a fiery hell hole in JCK's stomach didn't come up.

The "F word" continues to appear every day or so...Since it has been introduced to the Motherscribe household by a 7 year old boy, the 6 year old sister has learned it as well. Luckily, she does not appear to be biting at the bait laid out by her mother. She is disinterested, except for the reactions that it gets from her parents when her brother utters it. Now that she is intrigued by.

JCK, herself, is trying various parenting tactics. Among them: sticking her fingers in her ears and singing loudly LA, LA ,LA...I DON'T HEAR YOU...I DON'T HEAR YOU....

JCK would like to point out that the amount of excess verbiage her children are exposed to these days is in the extreme. One can be watching "How it's Made" , and during a commercial break get advice on how "to make it." Yes, you no longer have to suffer if you just take this pill. You, too, will once again be enjoying life in an upperwardly mobile ...direction.

JCK is waiting. She knows it is going to happen. And when it does, she will be ready for him. It is just a matter of time. Her son will read the TV screen and say...

Mommy, what is Erectile Dysfunction?

And JCK will say: Go ask your Daddy!

JCK would like to dedicate this post to her friend H.

Photo courtesy of Google Images.

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  1. The Queen learned that word last year in kindergarten. It was taught to her by a classmate with some serious emotional issues - he saw his little brother get run over and killed early in the school year, and his parents divorced as a result of that. But he doesn't know what it means. I'm sure many words were flung around during that time. We were pretty lucky, because since he's the one who said it, she hasn't offered to repeat it. Our problem is the ATTITUDE that she has brought home from all the little girls in her class. I really think cheerleading should be outlawed at this age. But I digress.

    And dear JCK, we didn't know the F word until we were 20 because it wasn't allowed to be uttered in any broadcast media in any way until about then. Kids hear it in movies (granted, they shouldn't be watching them, but there you are) and from their parents.

    And to further shock your sensibilities, I have a blog post up. Fix a snack, you'll be there awhile.

  2. a friend of mine came home from the playground, after seeing the f word written on a piece of play equipment, and asked her parents what it meant

    "it's a word that unintelligent people use for sexual intercourse," her dad replied.

    She didn't use it again until she was an adult. she didn't want to be unintelligent.

  3. This moment always comes...eventually. And then, it passes. My kids were about this age, had sheepish grins on their faces when they owned up to the F word and then forgot it. Underground it went for years. In high school where the word was used in every sentence by those around them, neither one picked it up. By then we were throwing the "F bombs" around the house as well and the both of them would look at us in disgust. They didn't pick it up despite the exposure (at least not around us).

    Now the the one who turns 25 in a week never utters a curse word...the closest he gets is that he is "flippin' mad". The 22 year daughter curses like a rabid sailor (takes after me) and can roll with the best of them.

    They are all different. I don't think it has to do with exposure; it's who they are. I rarely hear the F word growing up but it's now a regular part of my vocab. Go figure. I'm discrete and proud of it.

    So...for what it's worth: it eventually happens to us all but just because we learn these words at a tender age doesn't translate into using them before the time is right!


  4. Oh dear, but you do tell a story well! Hmmm.. I wonder what Super Nanny would do? You love her, don't you?

  5. This is just to get you used to one worry after another for the next 15 years or so!

  6. Oh my word. We haven't reached this particular, um, "milestone" yet, but a part of me thinks that if I give a stern lecture, then refuse to react when and it is spoken again, it will just go away. But in honesty I don't think I would be able to do that.

    P.S. We don't watch the news anymore with the kids around because we don't want them asking us what "erectile dysfuntion" is. So far, it's worked!!!

  7. We went through a brief period of fascination with swearing. We explained that these words were offensive to many and insisted that they could only say it in their room with the door closed. I know others have had success with the old put a quarter in jar (this includes mom and dad too). I'm happy to report that it passed. Try not to make too big a deal about it to inhibit the thrill of shocking you.

  8. I remember when my daughter came home from school and said, "I know what the S word is: stupid."

    Ah...good times.

  9. At our house we have banned the "F" word too, but I still hear cries of, "It's not FAIR!"

    Seriously, I try to distract my kids whenever those viagra or cialus ads come on, but I am afraid my 15 year-old notices because I always see a smirk on her face whenever they come on.

    Funny post!

  10. oh the F word. The first time my youngest told me he knew what it was he thought it was "freaking"

    I was willing to live with that. Eventually he found out the real definition of the word...


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