Monday, February 7, 2011

*sigh*...TIME, where art thou, TIME?

JCK is still waiting for her ship to come in. Her TIME SHIP. The one that will fly a large Banner stating: Congratulations, JCK! You have caught up. You have no outstanding To Do Lists. You have succeeded in passing GO! Collect your family and go to Hawaii. While there, prepare yourself for lots of TIME rolling around with your husband on the beach, avoiding volcanoes and having abundant childcare for your two darling children. You, JCK, have TIME!

JCK expects that her ship really WILL come in someday. At which point, JCK will have a heart attack and die. That elusive... Gift. Of. Time. After. She. Is. Dead.

JCK knows she is Preaching to the Choir here, but really. Really? Can't she just get some extra time?

And, speaking of Preaching ... Why IS it, that those lovely little ladies and gentleman are casing JCK's neighborhood for souls that need saving...right at the point where JCK's time crunch is at its utmost PINNACLE of PERIL?

Sad confession...JCK avoids Bible Bangers who come to her door.

JCK has no time for proselytizers. Not on religion anyway. If people want to sell her...chocolate, she might listen. Well, probably. OK, OK, fine. JCK would be an easy mark.

However, JCK feels absolutely FINE about her Faith, and does not need anyone to pump her up with JESUS. She and Jesus are doing just fine, thank you very much.

Usually, JCK can utilize her innocent children. Just when the little ladies and gentlemen are heading up her driveway, JCK's strategy is to fling open the front door and send a screaming BOY & GIRL out into the front yard. As they spin in circles and careen around the trees, people usually get the message that this is NOT A GOOD TIME. Pamphlets are flung down and quick exits are almost guaranteed.

*sigh*...TIME, where art thou, TIME? JCK feels forsaken. Indeed.

Just this past Saturday JCK was not that lucky. With both time and the Bible Bangers. JCK hates, HATES to clean. However, she loves, LOVES to entertain. Unfortunately, the latter is necessary for the former. So, JCK had a brilliant plan in place, which required a strategic use of TIME...While Wonder Husband took their children to the Y, JCK was left to her perfectly organized plan. Family gone = white tornado enacted.

Except for the small matter of...JCK's living room curtains being open, and...the Bible Bangers.

They're baaack.

OH, GOD NOOOO! could be heard echoing around JCK's dusty, dirty rooms. Then in a truly mature fashion, JCK proceeded to play a little game of Duck and Cover. Harking back to her Harriet the Spy days, JCK could be seen crawling on her belly on the floor to the front door. Putting her ear up to the door, JCK heard muffled footsteps...approaching. Barely breathing, JCK looked at her watch and bit her finger to prevent moaning ALOUD. 6 rooms to clean in 1.5 hours? TIME...dear, sweet TIME, was NOT on her side.

KNOCK! KNOCK! Silence....5 minutes...silence...mutter, mutter..a pamphlet is dropped through the mail slot smacking JCK, who is lying prone on the floor, in the face, and then the footsteps shuffle off. JCK does not use use the words "shuffle off" lightly. Indeed, no. If there is anything, any thing that JCK has noticed about People Who Come to Her House Uninvited to Proselytize JESUS, it is this...

They have all THE TIME in the world. Truly, JCK thinks they should be proselytizing Time Management, because they seem to have TIME, much more TIME than JCK...

So, what does all this mean exactly in relation to TIME? Well... the dinner party was lovely. Everyone enjoyed. Her house? Was Clean. Relatively...

However, that was THEN. This is NOW.

JCK now has 4 loads of laundry piled on the big chair in the living room. She has dinner to fix, emails sashaying across her computer screen, a school meeting to plan for this evening, and children to pick up in 1 hour -where she will whisk them away to swimming lessons.

But, JCK REFUSES to go into the MOMMY OVERWHELM ZONE. Nope. Instead, JCK has a plan. Answer 1/2 the emails. Leftovers for dinner. Stuff all the laundry into a large yard sized leaf bag, and use it as a bean bag chair. Snuggle with her children. Make it to the meeting.

Then she'll come home, throw some sand on the floor and roll around in it with her husband. Tonight she'll dream of her TIME SHIP docking.

But, tomorrow, she'll keep the curtains closed just in case. Make it look like she is not at home. Her belly is sore from crawling across the floor...

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  1. We are kind of blatently rude when the Bible people come through. Three cars in the drive way, the TV, the kids yelling and we don't answer the door. Not gonna do it.

  2. My front door doesn't have one of those little peep holes so I'm usually caught off guard. But I've learned to politely say "Sorry. Not interested. And I won't be. Ever. Thanks. Bye."

  3. I rock it Yogurt style--polite, but firm.

  4. The image of you prone at the door stoop, stuffing digits in mouth to avoid noise, making all manner of fool of yourself to keep from being outed by the Bible Bangers is effin' hilarious!! Omigod...I so relate. I've engaged in similar foolishness for the same reason, slinking behind partially opened drapes like a spy in from the cold, worried that any move will alert them of my presence. The door bell, the dog goes, and I hold my breath. Dear God, the things we do!

    Great post, Jennifer. I bet you had fun getting the sand up from the kitchen floor...:) xxoo L.

  5. Clearly, you need a dog. People will back away from your house and fast if your dog just barks loudly and enthusiastically enough.

  6. So glad I checked back, and saw this one! Truly cracked me up, because I have been known to duck and cover myself. It's tough explaining to a 4 year old why you are holding him against the wall, so the bible thumpers can't see either of you.

  7. Yes I agree with JCK. Time is invariant but some will have more than others. why it is so.


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