becoming A Woman of A Certain Age

JCK has realized recently that she has an EGO the size of her husband's derriere. This is not to be confused with her husband's actual derriere, which JCK loves, but JCK needed to pull from somewhere, and the state of Utah doesn't sell liquor. And, liquor is well needed for this tirade. At least in thought, if not application.

JCK used to think of herself as someone who was not Vain. But, dear readers, that would be a bold faced lie. And, JCK wants to come clean. At least to you. She's still working on herself, and it looks to be a life long project.

The ego blows up like a big balloon —Delmore Schwartz

Yes, indeed, JCK has a rather large EGO. Her id is BIG. Oh, how JCK wishes ...she could have employed this Egocentric Way of Being back in those days of yore, when she was a young, trembling actress on the cusp of her next Guest Starring appearance. However, JCK bailed out of that life style, citing Audition Obliteration Syndrome. A sad, sad tale, that JCK will not go into at the present time.

Conceit like a high gloss varnish smeared over him —Rosa Guy

Whence did this revelation occur? Well, JCK has been taken down a peg or two, or three, in what she likes to call the PCE (Post Children Era.) This would be when JCK decided to go au naturel and toss the hair dye, embracing her natural essence by becoming A Woman of A Certain Age. JCK wishes to note that before that time, she was known for always being mistaken for someone younger than her peers. Her face a soft oval, at times a bit moony, with eyes, large, innocent pools of hazel. JCK was the one who got carded. For years... Please, hear a *Sigh*... from JCK. Pre-Children, it had its perks. Oh, cruel word - that! PERK.

Looks at herself in the mirror like she was the first woman in the world —George Garrett

Why, just last night, at a school gathering of parents, a friend said "What I really like about this community is that there are so many older parents." JCK SWEARS, on her husband's derriere, that the friend looked right at her. And, smiled.Curse him! JCK returned the smile, albeit...sourly.

My vanity [after hurtful remark] like a newly-felled tree, lies prone and bleeding —Carolyn Kizer

However, JCK, of The Hopelessly Vain Club ...is going to have to give IT up. Throw it down! Her perch has rusted out, and JCK's plumage is a bit dull. She could dye her hair again. Give in to the masses. Yet, this reeks of desperation, and JCK is wont to appear desperate. After all she has her PRIDE. And, it wouldn't really change anything. Except her hair.

Conceit grows as natural as hair on one’s head; but it is longer in coming out —Bartlett’s Dictionary of Americanisms

JCK has always liked to cloak herself in other characters - whether on the stage, or in life. Writing provides a delicious way of darting out to the edge and coming back, gleefully filling her head, and heart, with choice tidbits of adventures yet dreamed. Yet, sometimes she wishes this age thing was a character she could discard as easily...

JCK wants to fight the good fight. To rage against the Machine that states that Women of a Certain Age are invisible in society. As if...they have nothing to offer. JCK thinks this is bogus and unjust and hits close to the bone.

Vanity is as ill at ease under indifference as tenderness is under a love which it cannot return —George Eliot

There's just this small problem. We age. All of us. And, JCK is no exception. She's going to have to truly embrace her whole being, inner and outer. Or...be doomed to the 2nd half of her life being a washed up, sad sack. Poor, poor JCK? Say it isn't so!

JCK could turn this around. JCK could be a trend setter. JCK just needs a little...time. STOP the grains of sand...falling, down...down! Alas, no! Time marches on. And on. And...so ON. Yes, JCK will fight the good fight, as soon as she thinks up a great name for her cause. If you know any Women of a Certain Age who like to sip tea and contemplate life in the fast lane, do send them JCK's way. She'll be glad to liven up their tea with a bit O'whiskey...



********************************
JCK wishes to thank the Online Dictionary for displaying the brilliant witticisms from so many greats.

	Tweet

The curse of the New Year's Resolutions

Last year JCK decided to take a stand. She was tired of being bullied and prodded into making those infernal New Year's Resolutions. You know the ones. Yes, those ones. The ones that die a quick death as soon as they are uttered. JCK likes to call this...The curse of the New Year's Resolutions.

So, JCK being a bit smug and secretly mocking all those around her who earnestly declared their 2010 resolutions, decided to have a resolution...to have NO resolutions. JCK likes to feel that she is different. Even if it doesn't get her anywhere.

Sadly, JCK and her vainglorious stand of NO Resolutions didn't lighten her load. Instead the juicy juice thrill of not having the burden of New Year's Resolutions faded out with a whimper. Sometime in mid-spring.

So, this year JCK is going to join the masses! The masses of Do-Gooders who desire personal change. Who yearn to reinvent themselves, if not the world, with their resolutions. Yes! JCK will clutch those resolutions, once she makes them... to her wildly beating heart. This time...this time, she will NOT bow out.

JCK also surmounts that perilous cliff side perch of the number Five uh-OH! this next year...2011. September comes around fast when you're edging toward one of those Big 0 birthdays. And, unfortunately for JCK, time moves forward not backward as she might wish.

Will JCK follow in her, much older by 4 years, husband's footsteps? Will she traverse the Grand Canyon for her 50th birthday, rim to rim in one day? Sadly, NO. The only rims JCK believes in peering into are the rim of a box of chocolates and that Jack O'clock whiskey glass...

But, JCK believes in physical challenges! Yes, she does! JCK envisions for her 50th birthday...sitting in a Paris cafe, eating stinky cheeses and fresh bread. She will be wearing a chapeau tilted over one ear, just so. And her golden, red or brunette locks will gently stir as she turns her head. Wig makers abound in Paris! She will walk by the Seine, stopping to jot down poetry. And when that gets too exhausting, she will nap without mussing her hair.

After she leaves le France, JCK will pop over to Scotland to see a manly man in a kilt...just once. Or twice... Hell, JCK might be so distracted she'll play peek-a-boo THREE times

*****************YOOO HOOO...JCK!?

Ahem! AHEM!...Oh, Yes! The New Year's Resolutions! Please stand by as JCK ponders this awesome task. It may take some time...


******************
And you, dear reader, what are your resolutions for 2011?



*********************

Painting "Last Ride" by Chuck Gumpert.

	Tweet

Alone! Clutching her Tarjay gift certificate close to her bosom

Imagine if you will, JCK sauntering into Tarjay. It is a rare morning in which she can arrive at Tarjay before 8:20am. The parking is plentiful. She is full of good will toward men, most of whom are not in the building.

It is just JCK. Alone! Clutching her Tarjay gift certificate close to her bosom. All seems well with the world. Especially when she picks a cart, and HARK! the wheels move like well oiled machines. Instead of one of those carts that starts acting up about 100 yards into the store. You know that cart. n'est-ce pas?Moving close to the speed of light, because you have 1 hour to get in and out of the store, and pick up your child from preschool, when suddenly, out of nowhere, the cart STOPS on a dime, and the handle slams into your midsection. OOF! And, the blow is so powerful, that you can only squeak out a muted FUCK!!! You then lurch about like a drunken sailor, red of face, and gasping for breath...and by the time you return to the cart area, and choose another cart, you are too tired to shop. But, JCK digresses....

Let it be said that JCK is not a natural shopper. But, she feels unnaturally comfortable at Tarjay. Sadly. It is home away from home. JCK's life with two children aged 6 and 5 is almost all about practicality. Tarjay is practical, and occasionally, if JCK gets lucky, even ...dare she say it? Hip! JCK does have very strong Scottish roots. Mmmmm...perhaps that is why she is partial to a muscular rump under cotton, strong calves, and that Scottish brogue that makes JCK feel like she is lying naked on velvet...waiting.

At Christmas, JCK was lucky enough to get this cherished gift certificate, which she holds so close to her bosom, from her husband E. It was painful for him. E. To buy her a gift certificate at Tarjay. You see, E is more of a Lordstrom's kind of guy. Now, JCK has nothing against Lordstrom's. She has adored previous gifts that E bought her there. However, JCK really, really needs a few essentials, and she would rather buy 8 items at Tarjay than 1.5 items at Lordstrom's. Scottish.

Good fortune appears to continue for JCK on this beauteous day. Indeed, she is no sooner in the women's section than she begins to thrust clothing items into her cart. Blouses, jeans, je ne sais quois.... JCK believes it is vital to fill one's cart, make your way to the dressing room, and get it over with. Ahhh...yes, the dressing room. Where one changes. Harsh lighting, mirrors everywhere, it IS like waiting in the stirrups for the OB/GYN to enter. However, it must be done. Every single pair of JCK's jeans have holes. Large ones. JCK's knees play peek-a-BOOM. She has no jeans. And, JCK without jeans is akin to well... a Scotsman without his kilt. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

JCK has in hand 5 pairs of jeans. E, bless him, has been mentioning that he believes that JCK would look good in low rise, bell bottoms. JCK believes that this particular style of jeans is not for her. JCK is fully into her womanhood, and feels confident in her own ability to choose her jeans. However, just for kicks, she tries on a few pairs of low rider, bell bottom young woman's jeans. Although JCK is on the smaller side, and can fit into these young woman's jeans, the look is ...totally unacceptable. The rear not only flattens JCK's already descending derriere, but there is a poofy, pouch effect in back at the waist. Almost as if JCK is a Kangaroo in reverse. And, if JCK sits down, the back slides down so low as to reveal her....full bodied underwear. No, it will not do! So, JCK moves on. Quickly. Some shuddering is involved.

She tries on womanly jeans. Fit solutions. Slimming style. Stretch denim. No-Gap Waistband. Mid Rise. Boot Cut. They are delicious. Comfortable. Flattering. JCK gets 3. She tosses a few blouses into the shopping cart, and she is done. She soars over to the check-out, still clutching her Tarjay gift certificate to her heaving bosom. Success! She swaggers out. With change in her pocket. All is right with JCK's world. For today...

	Tweet

People seem to carry an attitude of ENTITLEMENT

What in the world has happened to good manners? I am assaulted everywhere by rudeness. Is it that people are in too much of a hurry? Well, yes…but aren’t we trying to go faster than humanly possible? And losing something of ourselves along the way? Living life in the fast lane is a part of it, but I think it is more than that. It is a societal change. People seem to carry an attitude of ENTITLEMENT. My life is more important than yours. I don’t have time to hold this door open for you, trying to maneuver two small children through a narrow entrance, because I’m on the cell phone dealing with VERY IMPORTANT stuff.

Last week a friend of mine invited a new neighbor and her family over for dinner. The family had moved in a couple of weeks before, and my friend had been helping out the mom – watching her three children in addition to my friend’s own two children. The plans were made several days in advance, a time was set and all was well. Until the neighbor called up my friend an hour before they were due to arrive, and said that since her mom was visiting she and her husband had to take advantage of the free babysitting and have a date night. An hour before. I will not minimize the importance of date nights, but COME ON! Not only had my friend shopped and had dinner on hand and ready to start, but her husband had arranged to leave work early so that he could be home and be a part of welcoming the family to the neighborhood. So, the couple went out for the evening and still sent the grandmother and three children over to partake of the free dinner. I was appalled when my friend told me this story. Appalled.

And yet, I’m wondering how unusual this story really is in our world today. I’m sure we could take a survey and find many similar stories out there. So, what is one to do? For myself, having two small children and conscious of wanting to raise them to be polite and responsible citizens, I’m determined to beat the odds. I have to hold on to the idea that I can teach them to have lovely manners and be good people. People who raise the bar. Because, the way our world is going, someone needs to do it. And what better way than to start it at home…today.

*********************

This is part of the Official Bitch Day at Fabulously 40 and Beyond. Please go over there and check out the great Bitchin' posts.

	Tweet