becoming A Woman of A Certain Age

JCK has realized recently that she has an EGO the size of her husband's derriere. This is not to be confused with her husband's actual derriere, which JCK loves, but JCK needed to pull from somewhere, and the state of Utah doesn't sell liquor. And, liquor is well needed for this tirade. At least in thought, if not application.

JCK used to think of herself as someone who was not Vain. But, dear readers, that would be a bold faced lie. And, JCK wants to come clean. At least to you. She's still working on herself, and it looks to be a life long project.

The ego blows up like a big balloon —Delmore Schwartz

Yes, indeed, JCK has a rather large EGO. Her id is BIG. Oh, how JCK wishes ...she could have employed this Egocentric Way of Being back in those days of yore, when she was a young, trembling actress on the cusp of her next Guest Starring appearance. However, JCK bailed out of that life style, citing Audition Obliteration Syndrome. A sad, sad tale, that JCK will not go into at the present time.

Conceit like a high gloss varnish smeared over him —Rosa Guy

Whence did this revelation occur? Well, JCK has been taken down a peg or two, or three, in what she likes to call the PCE (Post Children Era.) This would be when JCK decided to go au naturel and toss the hair dye, embracing her natural essence by becoming A Woman of A Certain Age. JCK wishes to note that before that time, she was known for always being mistaken for someone younger than her peers. Her face a soft oval, at times a bit moony, with eyes, large, innocent pools of hazel. JCK was the one who got carded. For years... Please, hear a *Sigh*... from JCK. Pre-Children, it had its perks. Oh, cruel word - that! PERK.

Looks at herself in the mirror like she was the first woman in the world —George Garrett

Why, just last night, at a school gathering of parents, a friend said "What I really like about this community is that there are so many older parents." JCK SWEARS, on her husband's derriere, that the friend looked right at her. And, smiled.Curse him! JCK returned the smile, albeit...sourly.

My vanity [after hurtful remark] like a newly-felled tree, lies prone and bleeding —Carolyn Kizer

However, JCK, of The Hopelessly Vain Club ...is going to have to give IT up. Throw it down! Her perch has rusted out, and JCK's plumage is a bit dull. She could dye her hair again. Give in to the masses. Yet, this reeks of desperation, and JCK is wont to appear desperate. After all she has her PRIDE. And, it wouldn't really change anything. Except her hair.

Conceit grows as natural as hair on one’s head; but it is longer in coming out —Bartlett’s Dictionary of Americanisms

JCK has always liked to cloak herself in other characters - whether on the stage, or in life. Writing provides a delicious way of darting out to the edge and coming back, gleefully filling her head, and heart, with choice tidbits of adventures yet dreamed. Yet, sometimes she wishes this age thing was a character she could discard as easily...

JCK wants to fight the good fight. To rage against the Machine that states that Women of a Certain Age are invisible in society. As if...they have nothing to offer. JCK thinks this is bogus and unjust and hits close to the bone.

Vanity is as ill at ease under indifference as tenderness is under a love which it cannot return —George Eliot

There's just this small problem. We age. All of us. And, JCK is no exception. She's going to have to truly embrace her whole being, inner and outer. Or...be doomed to the 2nd half of her life being a washed up, sad sack. Poor, poor JCK? Say it isn't so!

JCK could turn this around. JCK could be a trend setter. JCK just needs a little...time. STOP the grains of sand...falling, down...down! Alas, no! Time marches on. And on. And...so ON. Yes, JCK will fight the good fight, as soon as she thinks up a great name for her cause. If you know any Women of a Certain Age who like to sip tea and contemplate life in the fast lane, do send them JCK's way. She'll be glad to liven up their tea with a bit O'whiskey...



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JCK wishes to thank the Online Dictionary for displaying the brilliant witticisms from so many greats.

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Isn't it obvious that JCK is making a Bold Stand for Womenkind?!

Most of the time, JCK is quite OK with her locks of steel. Occasionally, she yearns again for a raven do, or a multi-blended blond look. But, JCK's yearnings are occasional. Didn't she state that in the previous sentence?

However, there are those times that catch JCK unawares. Like when she is asked if she is her own children's grandmother. JCK's ego does not like this. Nor does her vanity. Of which JCK has healthy doses.

JCK's mother likes to point out that in truth JCK could be a grandmother. JCK does not think this is the point, or helpful. In fact this further sends JCK over the edge.... JCK believes everyone has limits. Sometimes mothers push them, no matter how well meaning.

JCK wishes now to change the subject, as she appears in danger of revealing her grim underbelly.

However, and there always seem to be more ...."howevers" in JCK's life. Why God, why?

However, yesterday was an example of situations that boggle JCK's mind and send ripples down her flat derriere. It all started with BOY's swimming lesson.

BOY and JCK are working on a new understanding. If said BOY works hard in his swimming lesson & exits in 15 minutes (having changed from wet suit into street clothes) from the Boys locker room, JCK's BOY earns 30 minutes of computer or TV time. His choice.

BOY is no longer eligible or willing to be in the Girls locker room. He is 7 and classified as an official BOY. So, JCK and GIRL were waiting in the lobby of the Y, chatting and whatnot, waiting for BOY. A woman who can only be identified as Another Mommy suddenly appeared behind JCK and called out: JCK?

JCK: Yes?

Another Mommy: BOY doesn't have any pants.

A multicultural panoply of patrons were quite interested in this disclosure.

JCK: OH! Thank you.

JCK then leapt up and muttering to herself that she thought the pants were in his bag said she would have to run to the car, and could Another Mommy please tell BOY that JCK was going in search of BOY's pants. Another Mommy was quite happy to help on this adventure.

So, JCK rushed to the car and found...no pants. She did find another bathing suit, so clutching this to her heart, she panted back up the flight of stairs and ran into the lobby once more.

JCK wishes to note that GIRL was very patient and good during this process of JCK's workout.

JCK then made her way to the door of the Boys locker room and peered discretely inside. There was BOY awkwardly trying to stretch his shirt over his underwear to maintain his dignity.

JCK: BOY, I couldn't find your pants. I know I put them in your bag.

BOY: They weren't in there, Mom.

JCK: Well, check again. Here's a bathing suit to wear, just in case.

BOY: OK, Mom.....From deep inside the bowels of the Boys locker room....They are NOT HERE, Mom. MY PANTS ARE NOT HERE!

JCK: OK, BOY, just change into the dry bathing suit. What kind of a MOTHER forgets her son's pants.

JCK then joined Another Mommy in the hallway outside the Boys room.

JCK: Thank you SO much for your help!

Another Mommy: It's hard at this age, isn't it?

JCK: Yes! They want to be old enough, and do things themselves, but they always need a bit more help, and we can't go in there to help them. It gets a little...crazy.

Both mommies nodded, acknowledging the mutual understanding of "having a child angst."

Another Mommy: BOY was SO cute earlier. He opened the locker room door and yelled, I DON'T HAVE ANY PANTS! Then he asked if I could find his mommy. What is her name? JCK. What does she look like? She has gray hair.

It was then, at that moment of gray revelation, that Another Mommy put her hand on JCK's arm. As if...she was telling JCK something that would be difficult to hear. As if...she felt empathy for JCK.

Was she feeling sorry for JCK? Is gray hair a blemish on JCK's person? On females at large?!!&*^%$@&*+!!!

Jesus H. Christ, can Another Mommy not SEE? Isn't it obvious that JCK is making a Bold Stand for Womenkind?! Giving other women Friggin' PERMISSION to toss the hair dye and embrace their inner SILVER? What the hell?! OK...JCK can see you nodding grimly and having your AHA! moment. BOY gets the foul language from JCK. Well...perhaps on occasion this is true. However....

JCK then had one of those moments. One of those bad moments when she questioned the hair on her head. When she felt less than, inadequate. Even old and ordinary. Quel HORROR? JCK? Alas, yes...ordinary.

JCK smiled (because she always smiles through the pain) and Another Mommy smiled.

Another Mommy: It's lovely you know, your hair.

And JCK was VINDICATED!! Another Mommy had recognized JCK's bravery. Her Bold, Breathless Risk Taking for Women EVERYWHERE. Her utter disregard for the bottle. Of. Dye.

Later in the car, JCK talked to BOY.

JCK: Remember BOY, if someone asks what your mommy looks like, tell them she has BEAUTIFUL gray hair.

BOY: But, I did. I told her you had gray hair.

For JCK, it's all about the nuances. For BOY? Not so much...


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Image from thebeautybrains.com

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