Neglect of self is unbecoming in its blatant abandonment of the soul

When we allow the world to pass us by at a record clip, our lives lose color and flavor. Clarity does not come from the absence of color, but more from an abundance of varied shades. The nuances allow us to rise and dip...flowing into a rhythm with context. In opposition, Colorless is a world that loses shape and contour from a life of busy.

Whether the lipstick index holds validity in today's economy or not...  sometimes the gift of color brought to you in a small package is all it takes to boost your spirits. Spending $2 or $20 on that little tube of tint somehow makes the world a bit better. Do we look better? Maybe. But, it's bigger than that. More than the artifice of adding on. It's the idea of prioritizing "me."

Inevitably, in our everyday lives, we get caught up in the mundane - our self-defeating safety net in avoiding risk at all costs becoming addictive. But, like any addiction over time, it begins to chafe and burn until its unbearable weight becomes the very thorn in the flesh that forces us out of our dozing complacency and back into the world.

Neglect of self is unbecoming in its blatant abandonment of the soul. Far more than a lipstick lift, caring for oneself as if you matter raises the spirit in ways often beyond description. When our souls are livened, the inner fires burn hot and we exude a seductive vibrancy.

Life is full of color. A varietal of subtle hues and dazzling, messy stains. It isn't a distant destination at the end of the rainbow. It is in the right here and the right now. So, slap on those sunglasses, ease the seat back and release the break. You're in the driver's seat...


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Complacency is a state of mind that exists only in retrospective: it has to be shattered before being ascertained. 

Vladimir Nabokov

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becoming A Woman of A Certain Age

JCK has realized recently that she has an EGO the size of her husband's derriere. This is not to be confused with her husband's actual derriere, which JCK loves, but JCK needed to pull from somewhere, and the state of Utah doesn't sell liquor. And, liquor is well needed for this tirade. At least in thought, if not application.

JCK used to think of herself as someone who was not Vain. But, dear readers, that would be a bold faced lie. And, JCK wants to come clean. At least to you. She's still working on herself, and it looks to be a life long project.

The ego blows up like a big balloon —Delmore Schwartz

Yes, indeed, JCK has a rather large EGO. Her id is BIG. Oh, how JCK wishes ...she could have employed this Egocentric Way of Being back in those days of yore, when she was a young, trembling actress on the cusp of her next Guest Starring appearance. However, JCK bailed out of that life style, citing Audition Obliteration Syndrome. A sad, sad tale, that JCK will not go into at the present time.

Conceit like a high gloss varnish smeared over him —Rosa Guy

Whence did this revelation occur? Well, JCK has been taken down a peg or two, or three, in what she likes to call the PCE (Post Children Era.) This would be when JCK decided to go au naturel and toss the hair dye, embracing her natural essence by becoming A Woman of A Certain Age. JCK wishes to note that before that time, she was known for always being mistaken for someone younger than her peers. Her face a soft oval, at times a bit moony, with eyes, large, innocent pools of hazel. JCK was the one who got carded. For years... Please, hear a *Sigh*... from JCK. Pre-Children, it had its perks. Oh, cruel word - that! PERK.

Looks at herself in the mirror like she was the first woman in the world —George Garrett

Why, just last night, at a school gathering of parents, a friend said "What I really like about this community is that there are so many older parents." JCK SWEARS, on her husband's derriere, that the friend looked right at her. And, smiled.Curse him! JCK returned the smile, albeit...sourly.

My vanity [after hurtful remark] like a newly-felled tree, lies prone and bleeding —Carolyn Kizer

However, JCK, of The Hopelessly Vain Club ...is going to have to give IT up. Throw it down! Her perch has rusted out, and JCK's plumage is a bit dull. She could dye her hair again. Give in to the masses. Yet, this reeks of desperation, and JCK is wont to appear desperate. After all she has her PRIDE. And, it wouldn't really change anything. Except her hair.

Conceit grows as natural as hair on one’s head; but it is longer in coming out —Bartlett’s Dictionary of Americanisms

JCK has always liked to cloak herself in other characters - whether on the stage, or in life. Writing provides a delicious way of darting out to the edge and coming back, gleefully filling her head, and heart, with choice tidbits of adventures yet dreamed. Yet, sometimes she wishes this age thing was a character she could discard as easily...

JCK wants to fight the good fight. To rage against the Machine that states that Women of a Certain Age are invisible in society. As if...they have nothing to offer. JCK thinks this is bogus and unjust and hits close to the bone.

Vanity is as ill at ease under indifference as tenderness is under a love which it cannot return —George Eliot

There's just this small problem. We age. All of us. And, JCK is no exception. She's going to have to truly embrace her whole being, inner and outer. Or...be doomed to the 2nd half of her life being a washed up, sad sack. Poor, poor JCK? Say it isn't so!

JCK could turn this around. JCK could be a trend setter. JCK just needs a little...time. STOP the grains of sand...falling, down...down! Alas, no! Time marches on. And on. And...so ON. Yes, JCK will fight the good fight, as soon as she thinks up a great name for her cause. If you know any Women of a Certain Age who like to sip tea and contemplate life in the fast lane, do send them JCK's way. She'll be glad to liven up their tea with a bit O'whiskey...



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JCK wishes to thank the Online Dictionary for displaying the brilliant witticisms from so many greats.

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Organization is SEXY. Who KNEW?

JCK is exuberant! JCK is ECSTATIC! JCK is feeling fiiiine. In fact, JCK may be a wee bit...high. Is it the chocolate, you ask? Well, there's that. Is it perhaps a bit of CAFFEINE? Well, yeees... JCK insists that both are needed to stoke the fires. But... why is she feeling like a frisky filly? Because... JCK is floating in her own bubble of an Organizational Orgasm. And, it's not even Jack O'clock. Damn, girl!


**SQUEEL!!!**

You see, JCK started getting overwhelmed several years ago. Really, ever since she happened to have two babies in 10 months. JCK had this fantasy that being a SAHM would enable her to have time to work on home projects. JCK will now pause while you try to contain yourselves....

BAWHAHAHAHA...

Indeed, JCK wishes that someone had told her that not only would she not have time, but that she would be lucky to enter the bathroom alone...for a few years.

But, JCK digresses. JCK is FEELING SO RIGHTEOUS, BABY! Yes, she IS. AhhhHUH! Because, her office is now organized!! Whoohoo!! She has spent the last two days, over 8 hours - heaving, sorting, shredding, and filing. Because. She. Can.

JCK is feeling a sense of accomplishment. A little RANDY. Yoohoo...RanDY!! Organization is SEXY. Who KNEW? In fact, JCK might ....pull out the ol' fishnets tonight.

After she organizes her email inbox which is currently sporting 3,344 messages....


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JCK is working on getting her writing groove back. She is participating in NaBloPoMo, (30 posts in 30 days), for the month of November.

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Motherhood and Identity...is it a crisis?

I sit at my desk surrounded by tangible items identifying me as Mama. Adorable drawings of a little girl, by a little girl... I LOVE MOMMY carefully written across the top or bottom. I receive these gifts almost every day. If I look up, there are small handmade gems from both my girl and boy amongst the books. My son's letter practice sheets, painstakingly done - practically bludgeoned across the boxes...accomplished with me by his side, are to my left. An ongoing challenge, sometime battle, yet...success at the end. It is what I do.

Motherhood and identity...is it a crisis?

My children are glorious little beings that define a large part of who I am. This amazingly fluid role of Mommy is one that I embrace fully. And Thank GOD for it every day.

My desk is littered with papers, most of them relating to scheduling the household for play dates and activities, with folders to my right designated: Current Bills, Massage, School, To Do, Writing Ideas... Oh, yes, that. Somewhat telling... That Writing Ideas folder? Is buried at the bottom of the stack.

Motherhood and Identity...is it a crisis?

As a mother, I feel more confident than I have ever felt about anything. It is a natural fit for me. I like to think I do it mostly with joy and occasionally, if I'm lucky, with wonder. With doses of resentment thrown in for good measure. To keep me on my toes... But, you have to watch that RESENTMENT. It can be a nasty beast, rearing its head and taking over.

Motherhood and identity...is it a crisis?

There is a definitive link between being a mother and the risk of losing one's self. I'd like to flip that around. Being a mother and the risk of finding oneself. Perhaps a life long journey. Perhaps just under one's nose. I believe My Truth is on the desk, buried under stacks. Let's hope I open it up, before it atrophies...

Motherhood and identity...is it a crisis?



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Note: Upcoming Post about How Marriage fits into this complicated equation.

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"Woman Holding a Balance" -Painting by Johannes Vermeer.

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It is a good and healthy thing to see your husband doing what he does best

I sat and watched him on stage tonight. The man with the longish hair and mustache. I noticed every little nuance of his performance. The different beats he took within the lines. Made it seem so effortless. And, it isn't. I smiled, seeing him having so much fun up there. Bringing to life a character from the south who no longer exists.

I am in awe of his direction. Of tackling this theater piece. And, of how well it delivered. He is so very talented. My husband.

It is a good and healthy thing to see your husband doing what he does best. The fire in his belly came out and touched us all tonight. And I sit here basking in the afterglow...

Congratulations, E!

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Blues & Bar-B-Q Stage Company Presents... Hottest theater ticket in Pasadena

My very talented husband has a show opening tonight. "The Andersonville Trial", a play by Saul Levitt. It is the first show produced under E's theater company, The Blues & Bar-B-Q Stage Company. Man of many hats, he's also directing and...has a rather large role. A gargantuan feat, and he pulls it off. The cast is all professional actors who have a passion for the theatre. It is the hottest theater ticket in Pasadena!

Run, do not walk, to...

All Saints Pasadena
132 N. Euclid Avenue.
Pasadena, CA
Venue: The Forum.
Tonight through Saturday night 8pm.
Sunday 2pm & 7:30pm.
$10 donation suggested.

The best donation you've ever spent.


Those who TWITTER. Please TWEET AWAY!!


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JCK will return to her blog very soon. She's busy cheering her husband on, and ...doing a pretty good impression of a ping pong ball. Whoops...there she goes rolling down the hill, NO...she slammed against the wall, but NO she's back AGAIN, here she comes...NO, down the hill again, SLAM... Damn, that JCK is resilient.

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TWITTER could come in OH, SOO...handy right about now

Apparently the whole point of having a blog is to...well, BLOG. Ahem...

It's a pretty sad state of affairs when one gets up at 5am more mornings than not, and still feels behind at the end of every day.

I picked up the keys to my massage office yesterday. Can I hear a WHOOO HOOO!!??

I've started seeing clients. I am LOVING doing massage again. Especially the energy work.

There is a blog post coming about my feminist leanings and self-esteem/power when a woman earns money...

My daughter likes to announce my age in public. She can't help it if she's proud.

Indeed, I've been living on too much caffeine and far too little whiskey and chocolate. Can't remember the last time I had either... I'm truly losing the focus of my priorities.

It has suddenly occurred to me that my earlier disdaining of joining TWITTER was a bit shortsighted. TWITTER could come in OH, SOO...handy right about now. (See loose fingered sentence structure above, under 140 characters.)

Woulda...Shoulda...Coulda...

Yes, the TWITTER Literati...Intelligentsia could SO be mocking me. I who scoffed at Tweeting Twitterers would be well served to just....shut up already and just...TWEET.

But, it wouldn't be enough for this large beak...

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Photo Disclosure: It is to be noted that a duster in mouth does not connote actual dusting. Nor do fishnets indicate a household of Le Frisky. The blank look in the eyes? Perhaps...accurate.

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Do men feel this way? Have we lost respect for men?

I am intrigued with the male perspective on feminism, masculinity, and issues in our present culture. What is it to be male today? A year and a half ago the subject came up, unexpectedly, and started me thinking....

What have we lost? We were at the Gene Autry museum for a birthday party and the question seemed to surface repeatedly. As the men stood and watched their children ride faux, life size horses, they looked around discussing the elaborate get-up of the long, lost cowboy. We've lost so much, one man said to me. We looked around and saw how our clothes have changed -spurs on the boots, pistols with inlay, and the hats. Maybe this is why we get so little respect. It was not said with any kind of rancor or bitterness, but with a matter-of-factness, which surprised me. Do men feel this way? Have we lost respect for men?

And what were the women talking about? How they have so little time with their children. How they feel that the mornings are all about the scramble before school - getting dressed, bolting down food, packing the backpacks and lunches - and then having a brief blip of conversation with their children. As one woman talked the other nodded, vehemently agreeing with her every word. In another conversation, a woman blurted out that she was going to stay at home this year with her two children. The woman by her side told her how lucky she was. It seems that we value, secretly or not, the ability and/or desire to stay at home with our children.

And so, what have we lost? It is easy to find the loss. It is here, in the words spoken today. Yet, I like to reflect on what we've gained. We have boys who can see that their dads are capable of gentleness. Boys who are, at 3 and 4, allowed to cry and are not shushed for expressing their feelings. Boys who hug each other, and also know their way around a load of laundry and the kitchen. And the girls? We have girls who have many role models - women who have full lives as single women, the choice to have children or not... Moms who work jobs outside of the home, and the moms who work by staying at home with their children. They have choices. Choices that weren't there for us before.

Maybe we as women and men can reach out to each other and acknowledge the loss of our elusive masculine and feminine selves. But, also face down our animus, and embrace our true souls that have stretched and grown into who we are today. The long lost cowboy is still inside us, as is that prairie woman. Both a bit trail weary, but still innate inside of us.

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I've picked myself up, dusted off, and am returning to the land of MOVING FORWARD

Today was International Women's Day. IWD is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future. In some countries like China, Russia, Vietnam and Bulgaria, IWD is a national holiday. A national holiday! Did you HEAR THAT America? Come on now. Let's get with IT!

At lunchtime I attended a lecture organized by the Women's Council at my church. The Guest Speaker was Dr. Caroline Heldman from Occidental College. The topic: The Beast of Beauty Culture: Political Effects of Sexism in Media. It was a fascinating lecture and a topic that I am passionate about - the sexualizing of young girls in the media, and in our culture, and how we have moved on from "just" objectifying women to having young women self-objectify themselves.

Last October, she wrote an article on this topic.

"...This seismic shift in the terrain in the battle for sex equality has come with little fanfare, but a massive price tag in the form of self-objectification.

Self-objectification is the phenomenon of girls and women viewing themselves from an external vantage point, constantly monitoring their behaviors and bodies to maximize their appeal. This orientation harkens back to the Victorian Age, with girls raised to regard their bodies as projects to be improved and boys viewing their bodies as tools to master their environment. Rates of self-objectification have skyrocketed in the past decade, and young women are feeling the pressure to embrace and perform their own objectification with little critical analysis."

For her full article in The Huffington Post look here.

I returned home both subdued by the statistics Dr. Heldman rattled off, and fired up about how this affects me personally on so many levels. There will be more on that later! For now, I need to steep myself in all that is whirling around my brain at present. I WILL say this. It is time to finally dust off that intention. You know the one. Written back in ....December? The intention to interview my readers on feminism and the female state of being in its many forms. For those of you who were interested in being interviewed, please look for an email coming to an inbox near you...

I've picked myself up, dusted off, and am returning to the land of MOVING FORWARD.

International Women's Day takes on a deeper meaning for me today. I have been touched and moved by the comments and emails that have been sent to me over the last few days by so many women. Your support and encouragement of me as a woman, friend, and writer has been truly felt, and I thank you. To those of you who had never commented and felt moved to do so, I thank you especially. You touched my heart. Thanks also to Jason, from The Jason Show. If you haven't read his personal story on his blog, you've missed something. It is inspiring to all who wish to live authentically.

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I am thankful for...

I am thankful for the roof over my head, the little children who play within it, and the man who warms my bed. I am thankful for the clean water that flows into my house, and the dirty water that flows out. I am thankful for the food upon our table.

I am thankful for the ability to read, and to be able to read to my children. I am thankful that I feel love and am loved. I am thankful for the path that my life has taken, and for the many adventures ahead.

I am thankful for my parents, and my grandparents who came before them ...long gone, yet leaving indelible marks upon my heart and mind. I am thankful for my brothers and sister, and for their children who have a special place in my heart always. I am thankful for the extended family that has become mine through marriage. I am thankful for my life long friends and for the friends who pass through my life, sometimes never returning.

I am thankful for silly giggles and the choiceness of grabbing a handful of my husband's ass.

I am thankful for the time I have to write and for the community of bloggers whom I have met along the way. I am thankful for my readers - some who leave comments and some who keep coming back without leaving comments. They return, and for that I am thankful.

I am thankful for chocolate, caffeine and the occasional whiskey...and for the bliss of sleep, elusive yet on this day but hopefully near at hand.

I am thankful for a blue sky and a sun that continues to shine upon us. I am thankful for the rain and the newly green sprouts fighting through the soil.

I am thankful for all of these things. What are you thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving!

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The American people have spoken and they have spoken clearly

Looking at the jubilant crowd in Chicago last night was truly awe inspiring. The number of young people participating was incredible. Never in my lifetime have I seen something like this, and I have never been prouder to be an American.

Today dawned a new day. A day in which we look ahead to the inauguration of our first African American President of the United States of America. The American people have spoken and they have spoken clearly.

Barack Obama is the future and I hope he’ll be a great President. He’s got an incredibly challenging job to do, but his willingness to seek advice and his openness to hear others will serve him well.

Our children have been born into an historic time. A time of change in a world that appeared stagnant. A time of hope when we had become hopeless.

Barack Obama.

A man born to an African father and an American mother. A man who is both black and white. A man who inspires hope and infuses us with the belief that we are capable of greatness.



**Photo courtesy of The Huffington Post.

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HOPE in the rain...

The rain did not stop him...And they came to hear him... It did not matter that it was wet...or cold...
They still came... Because he inspires hope... and something unimagined...Change is needed...

and we are starved for it...

Thank you, Barack Obama...

We ARE ready for you...

*** Photos courtesy of Telegraph.co.uk

and

www.huffingtonpost.com

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