because it finally feels important enough to her

JCK had a rough week. Some of it self-inflicted, some not. A month ago, JCK's body let her know in no uncertain terms that she was hovering on the edge. That night pain, like a fiery hell hole burning in her stomach, woke her from sleep. It seems JCK had been ignoring the previous clues. Hello? Are you there, JCK? You're going to ignore me? Well TAKE THIS!

JCK's husband has been telling JCK that she isn't taking care of herself. And, he's right. JCK has gotten into some rotten habits - like working for hours on her computer, subsisting on tea. Then having chocolate for meals, when she does remember to eat. Then having more tea. Then suddenly...it's dinner time. She's wiped out and it's all downhill from there.

While JCK spent the last week worrying that she was seriously ill, and indeed, luckily she is not, she reflected on what could be changed up in her life. What would she do differently? She had some good talks with herself, and decided she is making some changes. Because she has a family who depends on her, and needs her to be healthy. Yes. And, because it finally feels important enough to her.

At the top of her list is moving her body. JCK's body is stuck in a time warp - back to when she had two infants under 1. But, her children are not tiny anymore, and JCK can make time for herself - if she will allow it. She needs to do it. For herself. There is no one standing in her way, except for...JCK.

It is time to claim a piece of her life back. She wants to recognize the feel of her own body when it moves, and not feel that her legs are a stranger's. She wants to climb a hill without being winded. She wants ...to feel alive. Because life is short. And, luckily, JCK has time to change it up.


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"Contemplation" sculpture by Elaine Franz Witten.

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Bathing Suit. Season. Such a cruel word. Season.

JCK is suddenly aware that bathing suit season is upon us. Bathing Suit. Season. Such a cruel word. Season. As if one just frolics about ...unencumbered by bathing suit FEARS.

Now... All should be well because JCK is pretty relaxed about the bathing suit body issues. *AHEM* Or so she said last year. But, that was SO LAST YEAR. Instead, she finds that she is muttering to herself....WTF?! Often. Basically she has spent too much of the last year semi-vertical in a chair or on a bed. But, walking or moving her body, or bending into the divine of yoga? Not so much. And then there's the little issue of metabolism. Yes, there's that. You see, JCK has been COMPLETELY spoiled up until about ...oh, the last couple of months. She had this really groovy genetic thing going where she could eat pretty much what she wanted, within reason. (Reason being heavy on the chocolate.) But, as is true with most good things. They come to an end. And unfortunately the end has manifested in a lushER silhouette. JCK has determined that she would have been a perfect candidate for living in another time. Because lush is delightful when one wears long, flowing feminine garb or ...is NEKID. But, lush in a bathing suit in 2009. Well, it just doesn't have that je ne sais quois element that it did in her 20s when everything gelled together a little bit nicer.

However, the reality is that JCK doesn't want to put all this self defeating crap upon herself or for her daughter to pick up on that self-defeating crap. JCK wants to be the kind of mom who is right there in the pool with her kids. Not the mom who lies on the chaise draped in a sarong...dreading the take off. That moment when one ever so casually tosses the sarong over one's chair and then decides to lay back down again. The mom who lets the dad do all the pool play. Nope. JCK doesn't want to be that mom.

So, what is JCK to do? Apparently she needs to just GET OVER IT. Life is short. She's lost friends this year. They're gone forever. Do you think they would give up one moment of jumping into the pool with their children, because their thighs are fleshy? No. So, JCK is GOING to get over it. And she's also going to start taking better care of herself. Because the truth is...she wants to be around for a long time. Having fun. And not always muttering WTF right before Memorial Day weekend...

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So, she sinks back into the position of what is known in her circles as CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE

When last seen, JCK was hellbent on tackling her 2009 resolution #1...getting fit. So determined was she, that she had participated in a spin class. JCK actually walked away from that class with a nod and a wink. A nod to herself for attempting something that she knew would cause residual tenderness betwixt her buttocks, yet a wink as her parting gesture to the class. You GO ON then, GIRLS and three men!!! Have at IT! JCK was on to other pastures.

A few days hence, we find JCK ensconced upon a yoga mat, her flattish fanny perched upon a welcoming yoga blanket. She sits in the semidarkness soaking up the silence. The class begins. Once again JCK gives a little SHOUT that she is new, so that if she appears to be making any unique moves perhaps the instructor can help her. (JCK has taken a smattering of yoga classes over the years, so although she is not a YOGI, she is perhaps more than a gogurt.) There is a slight wave of bodies jerking back upon their mats when JCK SHOUTS her little announcement. After all this is YOGA, and one must have respect for the TRANQUILITY found there. JCK gets this. She gets IT down to her gluteus maximus and beyond.

So, she sinks back into the position of what is known in her circles as CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE. And the class begins... It goes smoothly. The soothing tones of the instructor, coupled with music that appears to both soothe and nourish JCK's inner being, gives her sustenance. And more... For as she lays on her back and lets one bent leg rest over the other she begins to feel something. Something so...almost....naughty? Yes, naughty! A feeling of warmth sliding up her body and a tingling sensation settling in around her...her... nether regions. Could it be? Could it BE? By, GOD, YES! YES!YES! ....AAAAAHHHH.....Namasté, indeed. JCK believes that she WILL be back...



***Sculpture titled: "Contemplation" by Elaine Franz Witten

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