Wednesday, January 7, 2009

All was fine until JCK sat her ass upon the cycle seat.


JCK tries a cycle class…ahem…

There is nothing so delicious as the sheen of sweat upon one’s skin after exercising the body. Or so JCK thought...

JCK arrived to CYCLE class just after everyone had gotten on their cycles. She thought she could just slip in and grab a cycle in the back of the room. She got the last one, at the back. SCORE! All looked good until she noticed that the pedals had buckles on them, and that this might be a bit harder to set up than she had thought. JCK had the mistaken impression that she could just hop right on and all would be well. After all, hadn't she shown up? Resolution #1 hard at work here...

Meanwhile, the cycle instructor was making her way through the room, chatting with the regulars. JCK flagged her over and said that she was NEW to class and obviously needed help. The teacher gave a brief sigh and mentioned that it would helpful if, since she was new, JCK would come to class a few minutes before the class actually began so as to enable the teacher more time to assist. JCK thought this a reasonable request, but noted that the teacher looked like she had never snuck in the back of a workout class. Ever. The instructor adjusted JCK’s seat to the right height and distance from the handlebars. She buckled JCK’s feet to the pedals. A shackled JCK was READY to begin.

All was fine until JCK sat her ass upon the cycle seat. It was THEN that she realized her mistake. You see… JCK’s ass is rather flat and her tailbone low to the rear. Therefore, sitting on a bike seat, any bike seat, unless it is a special SUPER WIDE is excruciatingly uncomfortable. Now, a good part of the cycle class is raising yourself up off the seat and pedaling in a standing/upright position. Alas...the relief allowed upon raising herself to a standing position was short-lived due to the lack of endurance JCK had for severe burning in her legs. Going for the burn is all well and good, but determining which burn was worse – sitting on a seat that felt like someone was sticking a red hot poker between her legs –OR….standing and feeling like her legs were going to burn themselves down to stubs, and she would be flung pellmell over the handlebars, was a definite...draw.

The teacher had good music. JCK gave her credit for that. Which made it just less than outright torture. More like a root canal. Over the microphone said teacher would frequently utter encouraging phrases like…put your comfort level on a 1 to 10 scale with 10 being very hard and 1 being very easy. You don’t want to burn yourself out on 10, but if you’re at a level 1 you might need to question yourself. At this point, JCK was questioning why the HELL she had decided to take the cycle class in the first place.

JCK made it to the last song. Under cover of darkness and to the tune of BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS...which seemed, somehow, soooo... apropos, she slipped out of the exercise room. Most probably never to return...

JCK did spend the rest of the day with a bit of a swagger to her step. After all, she DID show up. And, she endured. But, spinning class....well, JCK thinks it best to punt, and show up for something else. After going through childbirth, S&M just doesn't hold much...sway.


*****Photo most decidedly NOT JCK. Much thanks to Google Images.


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24 comments:

merlotmom said...

Ohhh, I feel for you. I, too, have taken ONE spinning class in my lifetime. Sounded good... Hope you're not too sore tomorrow.

Jen said...

I have taken so many fitness classes and not finished them. Sure hope you didn't pay for more classes! Water aerobics is my speed - me and the little old ladies.

Ginaagain said...

Oh no! I hope you didn't bruise your tailbone. That takes forever to stop hurting. I am terribly intimidated by the dark room and serious looking people in the spinning classes. A nice solitary elliptical machine in front of the big fan is my favorite equipment. Pilates is wonderful when I'm in better shape but right now I'd probably break something trying to keep up.. and water aerobics is heavenly but not offered at my gym.

blognut said...

I refuse to do spin class... EVER again. They tell you to sit on that seat, but what they MEAN to say is... INSERT the seat. I still have nightmares about the whole experience.

Manic Mommy said...

I applaud your efforts. That would be pure torture for me.

Channeling John Belushi: yo-GA! yo-GA! yo-GA!

Also, try the eliptical. It's so so easy, I assume I'm doing it wrong!

g said...

The club I used to go to was full of spinning freaks! I was a happy girl on the elliptical, but was seduced by the nice friendly spinning instructor into taking her class. My experience was similar to yours, only she was more friendly, and always looking at me with anticipation, expecting me to be enjoying myself.

I took two classes, and then began avoiding going to the gym at that time of day....sigh. That doomed my gym routine.

Beachmom said...

major kudos on getting there and buckling in! That class scares the absolute crap out of me and I avoid the dark room at all costs.

The bland treadmill is all I need right now, but I might be doing something wrong since my "work out" schedule is based on being able to watch really bad tv while on the treadmill ... thank goodness for earphones!

Margaret said...

Your are very brave. I've seen those classes. They look terrifying.

Heather of the EO said...

Yes, you are brave. That's how I feel on a bike seat too. Maybe you could try it again, just bring along a little pillow to strap on your seat!

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

Dude, it's the thought that counts! But I must admit, this post did give me a good smile and giggle. Now get back to that chocolate position STAT. :)

barbra said...

I can't sit on a cycle seat either! I have tailbone troubles, always have!

I don't know if you go to the same gym that I do (Y), but they have good classes not involving cycles, with names like "Fatburner" and "Sculpt and Tone." Inspiring, huh?

Madge said...

honestly fitness classes scare me in general. fitness scares me in general.

Mrs. G. said...

You have what I call a hitch in your giddyup.

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

Spinning scares me. Tremendously.

Jason, as himself said...

Not fun. I don't get spinning classes. I can think of a billion better ways to get exercise. Like raising the potato chips to my mouth, repeatedly.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Laugh out loud funny! I'm terrified of spinning class.

Also, I'm impressed you enjoy the sheen of sweat after exercise. Not me--I must be in the shower about 30 seconds after I sweat. Which is why I came home from work, exercised and then showered and put on my p.j.'s--by 6 o'clock tonight.

Rima said...

Oh, my goodness. I hope you didn't give them your credit card. You know how hard it can be to extract yourself from these types of situations, of course.

flutter said...

padded bicycle shorts. Just sayin'.

Angeline said...

1st, the 'teacher' doesn't seem too nice...

2nd, *Ouch* I know that feeling of flat bottom on that seat!!!! That was life before my boys...

3rd, I can't imagine how sore your legs would feel the next day when you wake up....*super ouch* those 'cramps' or 'sore' can feel so bad for up to 3 days for me.... hope none of that happens when you open your eyes in bed....

Conclusion... reconsider the cycle class... *wink*

painted maypole said...

spin classes TERRIFY me

Margo said...

A well meaning friend tried to drag me to one of these torture sessions a few years ago... fortunately there was a class going on that I witnessed up close and personal through the glass at the gym before I let her succeed. It looked like an insider's meeting of only the most buff and aggressive exercisers at the gym. I think I'll stick to the elliptical. Funny post!!

Jennifer H said...

Oh, honey. There's no reason to be that uncomfortable in the saddle unless you've got your arms around a cowboy. I thought for sure you knew this. :-)

Elizabeth said...

Picked up an execise bike on "fre-cycle" last year...didn't use it much 'till August...love it now...nice wide seat, out on my own porch...no torturer there to make me do what I don't want to do.
Generally ride 5- 10 "miles"...while saying my morning prayers.
Gotta admit, I love that sweat sheen, too...just not in public!
Pax & good luck! EJT

Janet said...

Just for the record, having a big fat padded ass does not help in the least on those seats. Run away.

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