A woman sitting alone with her bad news...

This week I've been all off...out-of-sync so to speak. A week of frantic movement, driving from one destination to the next, and returning home to see a mountain of clean clothes to be folded. A river of clothing overflowing basket and chair, mocking me. One item on a long list of other things not done.

I had committed to making a dinner for a woman who is very ill with a relapse of cancer. Her three year old daughter goes to my children's preschool. I rushed BOY & GIRL out of the house yesterday afternoon with just enough time to drop off the meal and get them to their swimming lesson. As I pulled into the woman's driveway, I saw her through her large kitchen window. She appeared to be sitting alone at the table. I turned off the ignition, irritated by BOY clamoring to "GET OUT AND SAY HI!!!!" I stepped out, closing the car door, instantly shutting out the noise within.

This is so kind of you, thank you! she called out.

I turned to see her, clearly weak, standing at the front door.

Oh, you are so welcome, it makes me feel good to do this, I said.

And it was true. I had volunteered to make the dinner because it gives me pleasure to help someone who needs help. And I know how amazing it is to have a cooked dinner delivered to your door. Yet, I had lost track of that feeling yesterday, in my own inner dialogue, a diatribe of "poor me."

We introduced ourselves.

I handed the sacks to her, throwing out words: that I had two children at the preschool, warming directions for the lasagna, something about not needing to worry about returning any containers.

Are you sure?

Oh, yes, I said.

I'd hug you, but I am not allowed to touch anyone right now. (Radiation treatment.)

Oh, that's OK, I said smiling, trying to reassure...

I had an overwhelming urge to take her in my arms and hold her close, letting her feel my strength.

There was the unmistakable sound of BOY shouting something from within the van.

That's my son, I said. He wanted to come out, too, and say hello.

She looked at me for a moment.

People ask me why I don't have any more children. I can't...

Silence.

I got bad news today, she said.

What do you say? What can you say?

I'm sorry you got bad news today. Please know that you have so many people sending positive energy to you right now.

Thank you, she said.

Silence.

Be well, I said.

I'll try, she said.

I walked down the steps and across the path to my car.

Drive safe!

I will, I said, opening the car door.

I got in the car and backed out of the driveway.

Oh, BOY & GIRL, we are SO blessed, I said.

Why are we blessed, mama?

Because, GIRL, that mommy is very sick.

I took a breath and let it out, feeling it leave my body...

I still see her silhouette at the dining room table. It is etched in my mind. A room with the lights off. Mother of a three year old little girl. A woman sitting alone with her bad news...


*** Sculpture Credit: titled, "Comforted" - from The Sculpture Gallery.

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