Monday, October 20, 2008

Wanting the best for your child is all consuming and never ending

Sometimes I try so very hard. As if I am grasping for that last stronghold on the cliff, only to fall... And as I fall it is almost a relief, because I am incredibly tired. Wanting the best for your child is all consuming and never ending. Being told again, by people with fresh eyes, that your child could have sensory integration issues is not easy, yet like falling off that cliff...a relief. Because it shouldn't be this hard. And now there is possibly an answer. Perhaps someone has thrown me a life line.

I adore that little boy. With every fiber of my being. The moment he was placed in my arms, I knew love. Unlike anything ever before. He changed me forever. And whatever he needs, I will make sure that he gets it.

Last night, as we were leaving the preschool family dinner, BOY lost his grip on his balloons. They flew quickly toward the darkening blue sky, soon a speck only he could see in the air. He was inconsolable. Until ...we talked about how those balloons would land somewhere, and bring happiness to someone else who needed it. And he smiled and took a breath.

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  1. Thinking of you dear tired mama.

    How wonderful are you to make that okay for him, great job.

  2. You really do kick some serious ass

  3. BOY and GIRL are so lucky that you are their Mommy. And I am so lucky that you are my friend. I learn so much from you. Thank you.

  4. I have worked with kids a long time, and I've never heard of sensory integration issues. What does that mean? I'm guessing you headed for the library - or the computer. Let's face it, we ALL have labels. I have control issues, an inability to finish things, and reluctant leader tendencies. Oh, and once you tell me what sensory integration issues are, I'm thinking I might have that too. I might need to borrow your books.

  5. Will it help if the voice of experience says that "it will be okay?"

    Yes, do your best, but do not do it to the point of exhausting yourself. Sometimes we overthink things when our kids are young. My son has Tourette Syndrome--yes, I spent a lot of time educating myself and making sure he saw the right doctors, but I also always knew he would be okay because I would teach him how to cope.

    I did and he is and your son will be too. If you ever want to talk about this in more depth, call me.

  6. You did such a good job of expressing the ambivalence of being told our child has a "condition" or "issues" with a particularly dismaying set of characteristics. On one hand, "ah relief. now I know what I'm dealing with. it isn't just me" On the other, the fear that quickly rushes in, fear and disappointment and worry. We don't want our children to have to suffer.

    Nor do we parents want to suffer -- let's face it, children with "issues" tend to involve suffering on our part too (battle fatique).

    I like the comment "we all have our issues" and being a mom is all about teaching our kids to cope. And when they begin to cope better, we cope better. Regardless of the issues, there are many strengths that will see him through.

    And I agree with Jenn, it will be okay. You care too much and invest too much for there to be any other outcome.

  7. I feel exactly the same thing.
    I also overanalyze EVERYTHING I do and hope I'm not screwing my kids up too much.

    Your balloon story strategy was perfect. Seriously, with my level of exhaustion these days, I mighta just said something like "that sucks."

  8. Such a beautiful post.

    Yes, the concern is relentless. Thank goodness for the smiles and breaths.

  9. Ah, what a good lesson you gave your boy about the balloon!!!

    I don't know what sensory integration issues means. But all I can say after reading your observations about Boy is that he is smart, caring, has the ability to concentrate (almost too much - is this their issue? Is this a bad thing?) and, above all, he seems to be a person who can truly empathize with others. That's so important - and so wonderful.

    He's a good kid.

  10. I think that everyone has to handle these things in their own way but to me, what Jenn says makes sense. She has been in a similar (but different) situation.

    In life we are all different. I have all sorts of "hang-ups", and "problems" some of which have labels and some of which don't. But at the end of the day I am me, I succeed at some things and have learnt not to attempt others. You will help your son to a similar understanding. But like everyone has said, don't overDO things - it isn't about doing, or finding information - just be and it will work out. I think we all sometimes need to accept that not everything can be "fixed" and that it is fine to be different.

  11. that's the BEST way to teach a child to put others before self, yet... you probably didn't teach 'it', but you did more than that, you WOKE the sleeping virture that was deep in the little one's heart... well done mommy! you are the best!

  12. You are such a lovely mom.

    Isn't it amazing that these children were meant for particular moms, just as they are.

    You are exactly what your beautiful boy needs. I say that not to add more pressure to be "perfect," but to remind you that you already are. Just perfect for him, and he for you.

    But it sure is tiring, that is FOR SURE. I hope you find ways to rest so you can spring back into action and save the day when balloons are lost.

  13. I hate the horrible feeling of the lost balloons...I myself feel awful. You did a wonderful job of consoling Boy...So glad he has such a great mom.
    Blessings, E

  14. Thinking of you as I advocate, advocate, advocate for my magical, wonderful, complex boy.

  15. What a wonderful story and what a wonderful job you did. Thinking of you, friend. : )

  16. Wanting the best is incredibly tiring isn't it.
    Did you know that October is Sensory Processing Disorder month? Me neither, but one of my fave bloggers is writing about it. ourlittletonninator.blogspotcom might at least give you some info. Plus, she's waaaay funnier than a medical website.
    Wishing you the best!

  17. I know this feeling ---- tired. I hope you find the answers for your sweet boy.

    That balloon story was so wonderful, J - wonderful!

    Take care - Kellan

  18. What a beautiful way to console him...

    This post made me well up - God we love them so, don't we?

  19. A comedian had the perfect analogy for grown-ups regarding lost balloons: Imagine your wallet just escaped from your pocket and floated away. It's that kind of sadness kids feel; genius.

    And you handled everything so gracefully.


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