Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Well... when I wasn't tearing my hair out over Mrs. Devine

Last Saturday, there was a Fancy Nancy event at Vroman's Bookstore to celebrate the newest book, Fancy Nancy Explorer Extraordinaire. We dressed up. All of us. GIRL was rapturous. She picked her daddy's tie. BOY chose his own ensemble. And I did my best. We were enthusiastic.

There were little girls there in a full range of fancy, with a few brothers thrown in the mix. The room buzzed with excitement in anticipation of the arrival of Mrs. Devine -one of the characters from the Fancy Nancy books who was coming to "read the story." She made her entrance and was well received. She had an eager audience. All the little girls and a few boys were ready to hear a story. But, she just went on and on and on and ON and ON...chit chatting about things in the book, not reading the book, leading a grand inquisition ad nauseum. There was no telling of a story. Just asking questions, and lecturing in a high, screechy voice that grated. Especially when twenty minutes or so went by, and she STILL hadn't read the story.

Fancy girls were everywhere, aged 3-7, but BOY was not to be left out. When Mrs. Devine complimented all the little girls on how fancy they looked, BOY piped up: AND, handsome! You didn't say... HANDSOME! This brought about some tittering from the audience.

After another 10 minutes into it, I leaned over to E and whispered, I wish she would just read the book!

READ THE BOOK! - BOY shouted.

All the parental units had a good chuckle. Mrs. Devine? Not so much... The torture continued for at least 20 minutes more, by which time BOY had made his way to the back of the bookstore and was enjoying a quiet time looking over books, perfectly content by himself.

GIRL? Was delighted. First of all, she got to be fancy. And, she loved Mrs. Devine's grand inquisition into what is this and that??? -- as relates to Fancy Nancy. GIRL is a wonderful, engaged student. So, while half the girls had started standing up, and/or were wailing into their parents' laps desperate for snacks, GIRL was sitting quietly listening, and taking it all in. I was happy just to watch her. Well... when I wasn't tearing my hair out over Mrs. Devine.

Speaking of hair, at one point Mrs. Devine got a bit worked up over not having the full attention of her audience. As her wig started to slip backwards, she shouted:

Girls, Girls, let's stay focused. (Clap, Clap, Clap of her hands.) will NOT BE ABLE TO BE IN the Fancy Nancy Explorer's Club!

I recoiled in horror. Flashbacks to elementary school.

We're looking forward to reading the book, since we didn't get to HEAR it. Next time I think we'll just stay home, dress fancy, and read the book ourselves...

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  1. It sounds like she forgot the cardinal rule of public speaking--know your audience.

  2. *giggle*
    I'm so in love with your boy, you know that? *wink*

  3. I wish we could all be as honest as BOY! I took Dylan to the library story time yesterday, and it was similarly awful. I found myself wondering, "How did she get this job?" Would love to see a picture of you and the kids in your getups!

  4. Why oh why do people insist on hiring people WHO HAVE NEVER MET A CHILD BEFORE IN THEIR WHOLE ENTIRE SAD LONELY LIVES to head up children's events? I HATE that. She's darned lucky she had someone as forgiving/on her plane as GIRL.

  5. What was she waiting on? The rapture? (Or is there an agenda here? Exasperated moms buy more books to quiet frenzied children?)

  6. oh my.

    MQ probably would have loved it, too, though! ;)

  7. (and I've been to readings at Vromans! what a great place!)

  8. good grief. i lost it (laughing) when her wig started to slip and she threatened the children. yeah, like they care. they'll just start thier own damn fan club.

  9. Sounds like a trying experience at best. :)

  10. Oh my Lord, that would be the funniest scene in a situation comedy ever. Like a "b" plot where the whole episode keeps flashing back to the story that is never told. So funny.

  11. Why the blasted hell didn't she just READ THE BLASTED BOOK? Dang that woman! Even I was getting annoyed and I wasn't there. I kept waiting for you to say: "And finally she read the book." but she never did. What a pain in the BUTT! Argh!

    Hey, I think that guy up there is trying to sell you a phone. In case you need one.


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