Monday, December 29, 2008

And then the Doctor reels backwards toward JCK's open chart and double-checks JCK's age.


JCK has been getting kicked in the GUT lately. As in...Major Gut Kicking. Kick her to the curb, down the drain...kicking. It all started a little over a week ago at the Urgent Care facility down the road. JCK had ventured there in a state of pain, accompanied by her stalwart companion, her husband, E. JCK had been feeling like crapola. You see, the flu had begun to set in and there was such a strong pressure upon her chest that if she didn't know better...she would have thought her breasts were being flattened by an elephant. She was at the Urgent Care facility to rule out pneumonia. As it turned out, the chest x-ray revealed a clean chest cavity, void of any bacteria or other such matters. But, we're getting ahead of the story...

Apparently, chest compression pain is taken seriously. JCK was ushered back to a room quite quickly, after the initial questioning by the nurse. JCK then waited some...time before the doctor knocked on the door and came into the examining room. He asked the usual questions, listened to JCK's heart, looked in her eyes, ears and throat, etc., etc.

Doctor: When did the chest pressure begin?

JCK: Last night. Yesterday afternoon I started having a cough and then the pressure feeling began in my chest. Now my back hurts when I cough. My 4 year old daughter woke up yesterday with a high fever.

Upon JCK's revelation of having a 4 year old daughter, the doctor's eyebrows lurch up past his hairline. And then the Doctor reels backwards toward JCK's open chart and double-checks JCK's age.

STARTED LATE, DIDN'T YOU?!

JCK manages a weak smile. JCK knows she looks a little grayer than usual. She was feeling so badly that she didn't even bother to throw on a little blusher or lipstick. She is....a bit drab. The grey turtleneck doesn't help. It only appears to heighten the washed out look she is sporting. Almost like ...cloud cover.

But, JESUS! Isn't this L.A? Older parents abound here. It is almost de riguer, for God's sakes. Well, apparently not according to Doctor Ageism. It is almost as if he has uttered TSK TSK.

Doctor: You are still getting your periods?

JCK: Yes. I'm FUCKING FERTILE FRIEDA, baby! (Note: JCK did not say this, but she likes to think she did.)

Doctor: Is there any possibility that you could be pregnant?

JCK: No. None whatsoever.

Doctor: Tubes tied? Birth control pills? Knife taken to your husband's privates? (Note: The good doctor did not say this, but JCK likes to think that he did.)

JCK shakes her head...NO.

Doctor: Well, I don't like to take any chances. I'm going to have you do a urine test before you have the chest x-ray.

JCK: Oh, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! (Note: JCK also did not say this, but she likes to think she did.)

Conclusion: JCK was not suffering from pneumonia or pregnancy, but apparently is fucking old.

Because....

Today, JCK went to the park with her children and some friends. JCK was sitting on a bench for a moment to watch her children frolic in the California sun.

Little Girl: Whose grandmother are you? Whose children are your grandchildren?

OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

On most days JCK feels very good about her silvery mane. Her mantle. Her au naturale coiffure. It suits her. It is ...freeing. She will probably never go back to dyeing it again. It is a pretty color and she gets compliments on it frequently. By women. Not, apparently, from men and children. However, there are moments like these in which JCK has serious DOUBTS about her ability to ward off this commentary on her AGE. And the wisdom in choosing the silver streak lifestyle. Luckily the moments usually pass. It's just that...this time...it's taking her longer to get her groove back.


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26 comments:

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Ouch. Though I will weigh in on the liking of the silvery hair.

The chest compression was nada, I hope.

phd in yogurtry said...

Stay gray!

I recall once, at a preschool party, one of the teachers telling me that my daughter's grandmother visited today. Huh? They both live a distance away. And then I remembered, I stopped by the school earlier. The grandmother was me! Yipes.

Anonymous said...

A few weeks ago I was given the 10 percent senior discount at Good Will. I couldn't figure out why the clerk gave me a discount until I got home and looked at the receipt.

Oye.

Joe's mom

Jennifer H said...

Oh, so that's what it feels like when men get kicked in the nuts. (I got excited not long ago, when a checkout guy asked for my ID to buy wine. I told him he'd just made my day, and his answer? "Oh. Right. This is my 3rd day, and I just didn't want to get in trouble." Bastard.)

I think the color is lovely.

Kizz said...

You know, it sucks but I suggest taking advantage of it. Next time you hit the movie theatre, ask for the discount.

I think the silver is beautiful but I'm a woman, right? You don't have this problem with us.

Ellyn said...

The hair looks great. Don't listen to them. Really, I mean that.
Aging gracefully is so much more becoming than inch long roots showing. Ick.

You should have kicked the doctor. And the kid too for that matter. (but maybe not the kid. People tend to get bent out of shape about that.)

Madge said...

you are absolutely beautiful. you are one of the reasons i'm pretty sure i'm not going to start coloring now that the grey is starting to sneak up on me.

i can't believe you had chest pains and the doctor wanted to chat about your age.....

apathy lounge said...

What is it about people that gives them the impression they can say whatever insulting thing they want to? Who cares if you got a late start (or even if you didn't?). What in HELL does it have to do with pneumonia?

g said...

I think your hair looks beautiful, and I totally envy you for having such wonderful silver hair. When I finally stop relying on Clairol products it will be an sad day in my mirror! The only thing that keeps me looking less than crone-like is the occasional pimple -"look, she's got the skin of a teenager!"

Bring out the fishnets and get back into your groove.

Carrie said...

People just don't realize that mommies look different these days! Hope you feel better soon.

Angeline said...

*Humph* How I wished you did say what your head had thought in that room with the doctor! *laugh* nahhh... I know you won't, cos' you are nice...

but those questions from the little girl...*Ouch*

Ginaagain said...

I wish I had your hair! My gray is just ugly and makes me look frizzled and witchy as well as old. Mine causes WOMEN to ask if my ten year old daughter is my grandaughter. You, on the other hand, look glamorous and chic.

The dr. should have been more worried about what was causing your chest pain.. was it just the flu? That's a bad flu! The kid should get a pass because kids are dumb like that. Mine once called her teacher (who was a good ten years younger than me) "Grandma".

Kate said...

Ahhhh, doctors. They are dumb like this and I can say so because I am one (sometimes). Great post; made me smile.

I love your hair; mine is so in-between right now and I wish it would just declare itself one way or another.

Happy New Year and hope you are feeling better. Sounds like this one was a butt-kicker!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Your hair is beautiful. And you are beautiful. As in drop-dead gorgeous beautiful. I've seen you in jeans. I know from what I speak.

Eff all of the stupid people, especially stupid effing doctors. (NOTE: I'd like to think I did not say that, but I did.)

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Okay, I don't blame you for feeling a bit 'kicked in the tooshy' my goodness!
You are one of the most beautiful, sexy women I have seen and your hair is so gorgeous! My hair is starting to turn and I have been in utter shock because my mom has no grey. My dad only started to grey at 50, but here I am with some lovely silvery streaks that I am not ready for. I think I need to borrow some of your grace:)

Manic Mommy said...

I've been coloring since I was in my mid-20s. You are the first person to inspire me to even consider *not* coloring it. I think the silver (not gray) looks wonderful on you.

Men can be stupid, MD or no. (there, I said it).

Kalynne Pudner said...

I would have sworn he was reeling back because you are SO MUCH YOUNGER LOOKING than your age! Honestly! (Though I also would have sworn you were going to end with a pregnancy announcement.) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Love!

OHmommy said...

Ouch.

But how funny you are. BTW, I have been dying my hair since I turned 21 and noticed my first grey hair.

Rima said...

Oh, pooey on them! You are beautiful. And you just had the flu, for crying out loud!

TUTU Monkey said...

Oh you made my night........I had my daughter a little later in life. Recently, I had to drop a birthday gift off at one of her 2 year old friends house and a nosy woman next door asked if I was the grandma.....I wanted to sock her in the face and have her feel my tight butt......at the time I was working out a lot....ooooooooo I can relate.

Mrs. G. said...

What a dick!

Your gorgeous!

Memarie Lane said...

so what was wrong then? i too am a fan of the natural look and will never dye mine.

flutter said...

fertile fucking frieda!! LOL oh I love you

Suzanne said...

keep your beautiful hair.....it sets off your beautiful smile. And I hope you are feeling better!

Jason, as himself said...

No way! Ditto on all the you're beautiful comments!

And I loved all the things that you liked to think you said. Very funny.

Janet said...

Oh my sweet sweet JCK. You are beautiful in your silver mane. I have been getting grandmother comments since the Queen was born, and I have very little grey hair yet. (It may be the black circles under my eyes that are causing the conrfusion.) I smile and go on my merry way.
Oh, and I wouldn't go back to that doctor. What an idiot.

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