Saturday, December 27, 2008

My greatest wish is for them to be friends when they are grown

There was a moment this afternoon in which we watched our children. Standing in our bedroom, looking out the window at them on the front lawn. GIRL and BOY laying down in the freshly mown grass, side by side, staring up into the branches of our large camphor tree. Fluid motion, the two of them at once still and then up to run and fling their arms askew, their faces a cinematic vision of rapid expression.

Later we took them to the Rose Bowl and let them ride their new bikes all over the back parking lot. It was the perfect place to ride pedal to the medal, and there were kids and parents everywhere. It astonishes me that they have taken to their new bikes with training wheels so easily. They were just on trikes...days ago, and now those small bikes are almost forgotten.

It is as if BOY has tasted of the freedom that is just around the corner. He is at one with the bike, flying into the wind, ignoring my calls to STOP and turn around and ride back. On the way home he suggested that we just drop him off HERE so that he could ride his bike the rest of the way home. We were still a mile away. Already, when I caution him to not go too far, I see the shuttered look of a boy born to fly being asked to come back down to earth.

GIRL always following her brother, pumps her legs around the pedals in deep concentration. She is on her way to finding her own rhythm. Often she is thrown by having to stop and start, yet again trying to build momentum to keep the bike moving forward. She of the wind whipped pink cheeks and ruby lips that will someday get her in trouble.

My greatest wish is for them to be friends when they are grown. Good friends. Laughing together. Leaning on each other. A solid foundation when life gets unsteady. And it always does.

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  1. That's a good wish - I bet they will friends.

  2. I've always wondered (as on only child) what parents can do to foster that kind of friendship in their children. What do you do?

    I love the picture of the tree, and the image of them in the grass, looking up at it.

  3. that's my wish too. at 10 and 6 my boys are very close and i think they will continue to be so. i'm so grateful.

  4. I remembered there was this post some time back about Girl and Boy talking about marrying each other? something like that...

    Have you ever thought of 'THAT' possibility? Beyond friends...? cos' its completely 'ok' isn't it? But I know of some foster parents who refused to accept it when it actually happened...

    what's your view...?I'm curious...

  5. I wish that too. The way they fight like cats and dogs then whiplash to being cohorts (and sometimes co-conspiritors) leaves me hopeful.

  6. You write beautifully. I can picture this moment as though I am there. Thank you for stopping by to visit my blog and leaving a comment. I hope you had a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

  7. Angeline, I just wanted to address your question.

    In the U.S. it would definitely not be considered normal for children raised as siblings to marry. Children play act all the time saying they want to marry their parents, siblings, etc. I'm sure that is universal around the world!

    Also, there are foster families and adoptive families. (I am not sure if it is the same in Singapore.) Foster families are basically families that temporarily take in children and care for them until the children's parents are ready and able to take them back. Adoptive families are families who adopt children (usually from birth, but not always) and become the legal parents of the children. They are what we call in adoption lingo "forever families."

    We adopted my son and he has been with us since birth. We are the named parents on his birth certificate. He has my husband's last name. He is so much a part of me that sometimes I forget that I have given birth to him. It would be unnatural for my children to ever be more than siblings.

    Hope this clarifies.

  8. One of my biggest wishes for my boys is that they will always be friends. I would be utterly lost without my sis and I really want that for them too:)
    Merry belated Christmas! Glad you are finally on the mend!

  9. "I see the shuttered look of a boy born to fly being asked to come back down to earth."

    Wow. What an amazing insight into his character. You're both perceptive and eloquent.

    Love this image, all the kids using the Rose Bowl parking lot for bike riding. What fun!

  10. Thank you JCK,
    yes the rules are the same over here in Singapore too, the 'foster families' and the 'adoptive families'....

    Of cos' I won't take those 'play act' words seriously...and I agree its somewhat unnatural for kids that were raised as siblings to fall in love with each other...

    *deep sigh* this very unnatural thing happened to my friend and her brother, whom her parents adopted at birth... and her parents were against it...obviously I can't talk to her parents, YOU were the 'best' candidate I thought I could find out more from the perspective of the parents... that's why I asked what I did earlier on... *smile*

  11. I wish the same. It's a toss up, though, I believe. Based on who they are, who they become. But I do think providing good parental boundaries, witnessing a healthy marriage, general harmony at home, these things help.

  12. I wish the same for my two as well. It didn't work out that way for me and my brother (he's 15 months younger). We get along, but we're diametrically opposed politically, spiritually, theologically, and any other ally you can think of. We will support each other when the need arises, but we will never be able to have a deep conversation on anything that matters to either of us.


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