Friday, December 26, 2008

Waiting for the desire to write is not always the best path to take.

I sit here in my quiet room, sunlight dancing across the ceiling, wind whipping the trees outside. It is quiet, but for the winter onslaught of cold air bumping against the windows, mixed with the distant hum of a lawn mower. I am unused to this. This...this...ALMOST SILENCE. E has taken the kids out to ride their new bikes. Santa was good this year. Big kid bikes with training wheels and cool helmets. BOY & GIRL have taken to biking as if it is the ONLY choice. And for them, it is.

I am under the heating blanket, with heavy socks and a fleece jacket topping my sweater. I feel that I have been cold for days...my body still unbalanced from the flu, hell let's just call it the plague that has passed through our house. But, I can breathe again, and the world is once more full of color. There was a period of time where I thought I wasn't going to come back, that there wasn't a place to return to - that it was beyond my grasp. But, that was the depression talking - that black, messy muck that descends and takes advantage of a mind thrown a bit askew from sickness.

There is so much ahead to write about, yet it will take a bit to get there. My fingers are slow to tap across the keys and the thoughts seem just out of reach. I find that writing has many bumps in the road. A bit like stumbling around in the dark. And sometimes, much as I don't feel like going through the motions, it is best that I do. Waiting for the desire to write is not always the best path to take. Like anything, you simply have to do it. No matter the plodding and hacking through the words - stuck like glue to the roof of my mouth. A bitter aftertaste.

It was a lovely Christmas, yet this year I am ready to move on. To shake the trees and see what fruits will bear. First though, I will take one more nap...


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11 comments:

flutter said...

mmmmm nap

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I remember a year of sickness for months on end and then a serious medication-induced depression. If you ever want to talk . . .

Manic Mommy said...

Don't let those goddamned demons in, rage against the dying of the light.

I'm so happy you're feeling better, the rest will come with time.

Madge said...

we've been through that kind of sickness... it's horrible. glad you are feeling better. take those naps and jump into that new year with a vengeance.

blognut said...

Glad you're on the mend.

Angeline said...

when the flow of thought is not there... nap is a better choice...

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Dude, your post title is the crux of my Creative Writing class. Just Do It. Now. ReadySetGo.

But when you're felled by the plague? Sleep first...And second. Then hug kids.

*take care, we'll wait.

phd in yogurtry said...

Glad you're feeling up to a few paragraphs. Sleep as much as you need for a full recovery and then go out and grab you some sunshine. Or a fistful of chocolate, whichever is easier.

Suzanne said...

yes, glad you are feeling better and this post is a sign that all the writing will come in time as well, just as you will grow stronger each day so will you write more.

g said...

I'm so pleased you're feeling better. I love your focusing on the writing. I am trying to do the same for the New Year. I am interested in ways to structure my writing time and spur my imagination so that I can write some of the things that are bouncing around in my head!

Janet said...

I'm so sorry to hear you were sick. It sounds like the plague I had in early December, which is what threw me off my game for nearly 2 months now. I'm still playing catch-up.

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