She was smaller than I had imagined and so pretty. Her voice was soft spoken, yet she had an infectious laugh. And fun flip-flops. She said it was all she could wear. I liked her right away. And so young...my GOD, 20 years old. I was old enough to be her mother. Her belly was huge! And I was mesmerized by it. It was hard to imagine that she would make it until the due date, in early December.
We had talked on the phone, after we had exchanged emails. It had taken us over an hour to compose an email back to her when she first emailed us. We wanted to say the perfect thing, to reassure her that we were the ones. To let her know that we cared that her father was dying and that, yes, we wanted an open adoption, too. Since our adoption agency has birthmothers from all over the country, we fully expected that she would write back that she lived in Ohio, or somewhere at least a plane ride away. She lived an hour and a half away! Of course, we Google mapped her location! And read up on her small town.
It was hard to believe a week had passed since the first email exchange, and here we were - all of us, E, myself, our birthmother T, our counselor and soon... the birthfather. The counselor had told us that we were lucky. In many situations, especially when the birthfather is not a boyfriend anymore or a husband, you never get to meet the birthfather. I hadn't found that too reassuring. T had found out she was pregnant after they had already broken up. He was our wild card. T seemed pretty sure that this was what she wanted, an adoption plan. They were still friends, T said. And she had talked him into coming. He hadn't wanted to. And then she had convinced him that this was best, that it would be helpful for all of us to meet.
He walked in the coffee house squinting against the light. He was about E's height, average, but so young and covered with tattoos. It was hard to see him through the tattoos, but he was there. He showed up. And he didn't even have to come. This was her plan. He didn't have much to say, but he was certainly amicable and seemed appreciative that we so appreciated him. If you think about it, it is all a little odd. Strangers meeting and discussing the future of an unborn child. A much wanted and loved child to a set of potential parents. And another child having a child... too soon, yet having the maturity to choose another family to adopt him.
Yes, it is a boy! T confirmed it when we noticed that she referred to the baby as a him. We are ecstatic!
It's been an emotional meeting, this first time. Yet, much was discussed and some of the paperwork has been signed to allow the adoption to move forward. At one point, huge tears started rolling down T's face and she excused herself to go to the bathroom. I cannot imagine what that must have felt like. To go to the back, alone and try to pull yourself together. Knowing that you are going to let go of this precious baby. Knowing that you are making the right decision for the baby and for you, but that knowledge breaks your heart. She is our Goddess. She is something. This birthmother of our future son. And we are .....matched!
To be continued....