Thursday, November 15, 2007

NaBloPoMo - Day 15 - con artists posing as birthparents

June 2003
One of our couple friends just lost their birthmother, along with their hopes and dreams for a baby due in two months. And what they least cared about, but what now seems significant - a lot of money. They had matched with a couple in Arizona, met with them a couple of months ago and had been sending them money through their attorney to cover living expenses while they wait for the baby to be born. After not being able to get in touch with the birthparents, our friends had notified their attorney, who managed to track down the landlord. The couple had skipped out and basically trashed the apartment. Gone. Vanished. It turns out they are professionals and had conned 3 other couples before our friends.

Our friends are absolutely devastated. It doesn't even begin to describe the heartache. The broken trust. The hopes of a darling baby in their arms has gone. For now. They have to recoup. I hope and pray that their lawyer helps them connect with another birthmother soon. When they are ready.

This is one of those horror stories that gives adoption a bad name. There are so many more happy, successful adoption stories, but you rarely hear about those. And it is heartbreaking to see our friends go through this. They didn't make it to our group this week, understandably. What could they say?

People choose all different avenues to pursue adoption. We made the decision to go through an agency because it felt more sure. Not that you can ever be sure. But, the agency has so much in place. Free counseling for the birthmother before the adoption and for her entire life. Counseling for us as we wade through this process. Ideally not matching with a birthmother until she is further along in her pregnancy and has had time to really think about all of her available options. And the belief that open adoption, because it is healthier for all concerned, most especially the children, is less frightening to birthmothers - if that is what they desire as well. It is times like this when I question the ways of God.

To be continued...

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  1. Oh yes. I know countless horror stories as well. Stories that make you sob and question what you are doing and then the 'what-ifs' start to rapid fire upon you.

    Thrilling installment JCK.

  2. I can't imagine the heartache they would have felt. I cannot imagine what kind of people would do that.


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