NaBloPoMo - Day 29- You are FRIGGIN' kidding me!!!

Late January 2004
BOY is doing great! It's been a couple of weeks since his cleft lip surgery. He sailed through it. The hardest part was handing him to the nurse and watching her walk away ...down the hall, holding our BOY and hearing him screaming for us. The surgery took several hours. When it was done, the nurse came and got us and we were in the recovery room just as he was waking up. He was thrashing around, confused with all the wires and tubes attached to him. I had a bottle handy and he guzzled it per his usual style. The surgeon told us that they used to do tube feeding and not let the babies use their bottles or nurse right away, but they found that the stress on the baby and the crying was far worse on the healing process. The first night was hard. He was really hurting. And the pain medication seemed to bother him. But, after that it has been fine. The surgeon saw him last week and may want to do another surgery as the lip is pulling up a bit. We think he looks perfect. But, then we did before the surgery. He is our little treasure. Our long awaited child. Our miracle.

I am so...exhausted. I'm up with BOY every 2-3 hours, joyfully for the most part, but I feel tired much of the day. I'm sure it is the combination of having a newborn and also the stress of his having to go through surgery at 7 weeks old. Our birthmother, T, signed the final papers yesterday! The birthfather signed his papers a couple of weeks ago. We only await the court finalization in 6 months, but it is done. We are the legal parents of this amazing, adorable and lovable baby. But, most importantly, he became a child of our heart the night he was born and placed in our arms. We are his forever family.

A few days later

O.K., this seems totally insane, but I think I missed my period in December and this month, too. I've been so focused on taking care of BOY that I've been oblivious to my own body. And my boobs are KILLING me. This is ridiculous. I am not EVEN thinking that I might be pregnant. That would just be ...well, besides impossible, it would be just...well, impossible. ....

I am NOT going to go to the drug store and spend $15 on one of those pregnancy tests! Dammit. I've spent enough on those stupid tests over the years. This is just me being overtired, taking care of a newborn...

My period has never been this late. Oh, for the love of GOD, I guess I have to go get one of those tests. This is laughable. I have a 9 week old infant and I'm going to the drugstore to get a pregnancy test.

So, I have the pregnancy test. I feel like an idiot. An overtired, vividly imaginative and ...did I say overtired and sleep deprived? insane woman.

I guess I should take the test. E's on the computer in the office. BOY's asleep. Now is as good a time as any. It is certainly not going to turn pink. There is NO way that I'm pregnant. Well, we did have that spectacular night...mmmm, well, I guess it is possible. For another woman. In another life.

I peed on the stick. I'll check on it in 5 minutes. HOLY SH*T! It is turning F*cking PINK!!! Forget 5 minutes!!! You are FRIGGIN' kidding me!!! Sweet mother of GOD! Bollocks! Crap! F*CK! I've got to go show this to E. Maybe it isn't pink? Maybe I'm just so tired that my eyes are deceiving me.

I walk into our office.

E, can you look at this, please? Is this PINK?? I hand him the pregnancy test. It is friggin' screaming PINK.

Yes, it is pink, he says. It is pink.

He looks at me like a deer caught in the headlights...

To be continued...

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