If it is possible to feel both heartsick and resolved, then that is what I feel. We've decided to take the kids out of the daycare. Next Friday will be their last day. It was a difficult decision, and yet...not. Painful, because we have invested so much of ourselves in this school and our children have spent many a happy hour there. I have been a Parent Partner in Girl's class. I have helped with fundraising. I have been a loyal parent cheering on the teachers, and I even wrote a personal letter to city council members when it looked like the school might close if it didn't find a new location. My heart has been involved here. Perhaps, most significantly, until now, I have really, really believed in this school. However, the school that promotes itself as play based with a noncompetitive environment allowing each child to develop and mature emotionally, socially, physically and intellectually... truly doesn't exist here. I feel betrayed, angry and frustrated. On the other hand, I also feel empowered and clear. It is the right decision. We will, naturally, maintain and nurture the wonderful friendships which have grown over the last two years with other families, and create play dates so that the children will see their friends.
We told BOY and GIRL last night. I don't know what I was expecting. Protests from GIRL? Shouts of joy from BOY. Neither happened. Instead they seemed to take it in, and then were on to the next thing. I guess they are 3 and 4... Meanwhile...I needed a cocktail. In fact, I have been honoring the cocktail hour nightly. As my most witty friend says ..."it is 'wineO'clock.'" This week I've had some wineO'clock, some JackO'Clock, even some beerO'clock ...whatever works. And OF COURSE the requisite chocoO'clock-- which in case you are wondering is not liquid based. Always, always the chocolate.
The immediate plan is just to chill and regroup. I've signed us up for a nature class starting in April and we will make ourselves frequent visitors to the YMCA again. Yes, my body will become rock hard and I'll be mistaken for Heidi's grandmother when the hills come alive with the Sound of Music. Perhaps we'll do gymnastics twice a week instead of once. BOY & GIRL will get back into some kind of preschool routine, but perhaps it will just be a morning preschool program. Maybe starting in the fall. I'm thinking of this period as a fresh start, a renewal. The ice floes are melting away...and revealing a vibrant spring. My goal is to stay open to the possibilities and to nuzzle on my children. For I am so blessed to have this time to reassess with them. Everything happens for a reason...