Friday, February 8, 2008

Mommy how do babies come out of there?

We have recently been talking about babies. BOY and GIRL like to put their stuffed animals in their shirts and walk around:

Look, Mommy! Spotty is in my tummy, shouts BOY with a wide smile.

Mommy, I have Lamby in my tummy, giggles GIRL.

They are more aware. They notice women who are pregnant now. They ask them questions. Well, our local reporter BOY does:

You got a baby in there? Can I see it?

The moms are usually pretty good sports, luckily all have been truly pregnant so far, and many of them surviving the grand inquisition by small people at home as well.

GIRL likes to take everything in. She twirls the thoughts in her head for a while, then she takes her moment:

Mommy how do babies come out of there?

.....long, loooooong......LONGEST....OF.....PAUSES in which this particular Mommy tries not to remember how babies come out of there. She's only birthed once, and although worth it, she doesn't like to go there. But, since she does believe that children should be told the truth, unless clearly inappropriate, she whips up her linguistic skills.

Where do you mean GIRL? [hoping that by now GIRL has moved on to safer ground.]

How do babies come out of your tummy? asks GIRL.

Well, GIRL, there is hole between a lady's legs and the baby comes out ...there.

What is it called? [This is beginning to feel like a tennis match. Your serve, Mommy!]

A vagina. [Point. Set. Match. They will have scars from this conversation. For life. Up until this point they thought a vagina was just something different than a penis, and both without much of a purpose...except to pee.]

There is a symphony of high pitched giggles from the two car seats.

A VAGINA!!!! ....giggle...giggle....giggle...

GIRL, YOU have a VAGINA!!! shrieks BOY in a giggle fit.


So, Mommy, girls and ladies have vaginas and babies come out, states GIRL. [She who is always reassured by facts, and likes to stay on point.]

Well, GIRL, that is right. Girls and ladies do have vaginas, but LADIES HAVE BABIES. NOT GIRLS. [It is never too early to start the brainwashing.]

Can boys and men have babies? asks BOY. [Up until this point, I have taught him that men and women are equal.]

Well, BOY, they can be parents, but NO... only LADIES HAVE BABIES.

Why? asks BOY. [Apparently the match is not over. There is a tie breaker.]

Because only ladies have vaginas, I say. [Match?]

AND GIRLS! clarifies GIRL. [Point. Set. Match. Girl wins the tie breaker.]

And girls, I mutter....

Mommy, let's play I SPY!!! says BOY.

A segue! Thank GOD. Now I just hope that GIRL doesn't spy something PINK for a long, long time.....

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  1. I need a drink just from reading that. Oy. They really do grow up fast. AND what is with the question asking????

  2. Whenever my girls wanted to make sure their brother would leave the room and stay out, they would mutter the word " vagina" over and over again until he fled screaming from the room.

  3. Hahahahahah!

    That exact conversation (give or take a few pesky details) has happened at our house.

    Gotta love it.

  4. You handled that very well! Hope I do as well when the questions start coming. I have to admit, I would have been tempted to use redirection "Oh look, kids! Isn't that McDonalds?!"

  5. This post is a gem! Your "never too early to brainwash" statement still has me laughing!

  6. Thank God for segues...

    I'm big on telling the truth too; no shame there. But I often wonder how the heck we all manage it. It's seem quite extraordinary & mind-boggling.

  7. I'm saving this for when the questions are inevitably asked. I was just going to show them the c-section scar and leave it at that. Your way is better.

    As for brainwashing, mine asked when he can be a daddy. My reply?

    When you're 30.


  8. AAHhhhh!!! You handled it well. Really well. I'm going to bookmark this here post to keep as a reference for future years.

  9. Way too cute! So sweet and poor BOY!

  10. We've had this conversation a couple of (drink-inducing) times. The only thing I added was to say that they can think about getting married or having babies after they're 30.

    It must have worked, because my daughter (she's 6) told me one day that she could get married in 24 more years.

    Hand me my trophy.

    Great post. Glad you survived the conversation.

  11. I showed my daughter (she was 2 at the time) birth videos to prepare her for her brothers impending home birth. She LOVED them. She would ask to watch them over and over. Then she would pretend to birth babies in the bathtub. The videos happened to be all waterbirths :-D

  12. You win. I totally wimped out on this question initially and said "there's a door the doctor opens and the baby comes out."

    But then I got smarter. . .. when Merrick was three, he insisted that I had a penis. When I kept denying, he decided to BEG ME to show him my secret penis --while in a crowded Whole Foods bathroom.

  13. We haven't had the baby conversation, but potty training led to the inevitable He has a penis and I have a vagina. Although in her explorations she found her clitoris, and now says that she has "a little penis inside my vagina." The best I could do was tell her not to talk about it anywhere except at home. I'm with Manic, I think I'll just show the C-section scars.


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