The bibs are gone...

I threw out the bibs today. The one with the fat ladybugs, the fire engine red cloth one that brought out the blush in Boy's little chubby cheeks, the starfish... all gone to the deep memories of when my children were babies. I couldn't part with the retro cowgirls bib. It was barely used. I'll put that one away. Boy wore bibs for about the first 9 months? He was a constant drooler and we had to do mop patrol. Girl never liked bibs much during meal time. My babies...such a whirlwind having 2 children in a year. Much of it a blur. Yet, as my fingertips let the bibs go I felt that familiar rush of tears. And the memories of their sweet round faces above the bibs will stay with me forever.


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JCK is on reruns. She'll be back soon.

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What is up with those fishnets, anyway?

JCK realizes that there has been some discussion, some lingering curiosity about her fishnets. JCK wishes to make clear that the fishnets are more of a symbol, an indication of what lies under the surface of a stay-at-home mom with two children both now 4 years old and only 10 months apart. Insanity? Well...there is THAT. Yet, JCK adores being a mother. It is by far the best thing that has ever happened to her. And like all great things in life, every day is not perfect. Or even remotely close. Just the idea that she can still wear fishnets, if she wants to, and that chocolate, caffeine and whiskey...stay the tide, intoxicates her with good vibrations... and even...chocolate orgasms.

JCK wanted to convey to her readers that although she is ripe of age, she is not like an old fruitcake that appears to turn up again and again... No, back in the day when Madonna was like a Virgin, JCK was known to wear a fishnet or two. JCK was quite the lace and glove gal, yes she was. It is documented here.

JCK HATES housework. In fact, she is quite inept when it comes to cleaning. But, for inspiration she has been known to put fishnets on her hands and pose for her blog. This was during a period of deep self-inflated, perimenopausal stupidity, of which the only benefit was that she distracted herself from actually cleaning.

But, dear readers, JCK will not let you down that easily. There is one story, one little gem that she can share...

It was a Valentine's Day in 1994. JCK was living in cohabitation with a certain someone who is now her husband. JCK decided that she would surprise her man when he came home from a hard day's labor. She decided that she would whip up a delicious meal and throw on something sexy. JCK dug deep into her drawer of intimate apparel. She found what she was looking for. JCK sorted through her flashy disco tops, and chose a pink number.

So, on that Valentine's evening in 1994, E walked in the house and followed the delicious aroma wafting from the kitchen. Once he arrived in the kitchen, he found what he was looking for... JCK was attired in a flashy pink jacket that fell just below her tush. Fishnets, stiletto pumps, and nothing else... As to what was cooking on the stove? Neither JCK nor her LOVAH seem to remember.

JCK highly recommends trying on a pair of fishnets from time to time. There is something about the texture, the roughness of the material, especially over that most sensual spot just behind the knee...that inspires naughty notions.


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It's Thanksgiving vacation. JCK is on reruns. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

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It is the year of GIRL's blossoming

It was GIRL's night, Thursday night. A scrumptious delight of my little girl in ballet costume, hair in "ballet bun," and bright smile. She had her first recital, an evening performance, and she loved it! My little girl in a pink swirly dress, dancing in The Little Nutcracker. Perhaps best of all was sitting up front with BOY, as he watched his sister, calling out to her as she was exiting the stage....

HI, GIRL!

And, she frowning, and then chopping her hand down through the air, as if to say...HUSH, BOY, THIS IS SERIOUS. I'm on stage!

It is the year of GIRL's blossoming. I see it at school. At home. In all aspects of her life. It is precious. And, I feel blessed that she has this year before Kindergarten. One more year of lunching regularly together. I sense the time going by, and am holding on to the moments as best I can....

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"At Play" sculpture from The Sculpture Gallery.

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GIRL asks big questions

GIRL: Mama, what's THE most important thing in life?

JCK: Oh, GIRL.... let's see. I'll tell you the first thing that comes to mind. Kindness, GIRL. Kindness is the most important thing.


This after her question last week...Mommy, when is the end of life?

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What would your answer be? To either question.

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The Charter for Compassion

THE CHARTER FOR COMPASSION:

"A call to bring the world together…

The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat all others as we wish to be treated ourselves. Compassion impels us to work tirelessly to alleviate the suffering of our fellow creatures, to dethrone ourselves from the centre of our world and put another there, and to honour the inviolable sanctity of every single human being, treating everybody, without exception, with absolute justice, equity and respect.

It is also necessary in both public and private life to refrain consistently and empathically from inflicting pain. To act or speak violently out of spite, chauvinism, or self-interest, to impoverish, exploit or deny basic rights to anybody, and to incite hatred by denigrating others—even our enemies—is a denial of our common humanity. We acknowledge that we have failed to live compassionately and that some have even increased the sum of human misery in the name of religion.

We therefore call upon all men and women ~ to restore compassion to the centre of morality and religion ~ to return to the ancient principle that any interpretation of scripture that breeds violence, hatred or disdain is illegitimate ~ to ensure that youth are given accurate and respectful information about other traditions, religions and cultures ~ to encourage a positive appreciation of cultural and religious diversity ~ to cultivate an informed empathy with the suffering of all human beings—even those regarded as enemies.

We urgently need to make compassion a clear, luminous and dynamic force in our polarized world. Rooted in a principled determination to transcend selfishness, compassion can break down political, dogmatic, ideological and religious boundaries. Born of our deep interdependence, compassion is essential to human relationships and to a fulfilled humanity. It is the path to enlightenment, and indispensible to the creation of a just economy and a peaceful global community."

You can affirm The Charter of Compassion here.

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Yet...children are not necessarily good for marriage

How do you explain divorce to a 5 year old child? It's hard. It's damn hard. And it's not even my divorce. It's been a bad year in our circle this year. I know of six divorces, and all of these involve couples with children. I've had to do it a lot. Try to explain...the why to my children. And one time is more than enough.

But, why are they getting divorced?

Well...sometimes mommies and daddies really, really try hard, and finally decide that their marriage isn't going to work.

But, why isn't it going to work?

Well, mommies and daddies might have different beliefs, and they just can't agree over time, and they decide to get divorced.

But, why?

Children are an incredible blessing. Yet... children are not necessarily good for marriage. It is a seduction. So...very easy to be sucked up into the vortex of children, missing the fact that your marriage needs tending.

As to explaining the why to my children? I cannot come up with an explanation that fits their understanding. I may understand. I may not understand. No one really comprehends the inner workings of someone else's marriage. It is difficult enough to try and figure out your own marriage.

It feels delicate to me. Marriage. And, perhaps out of my own naivete, I never realized that before. But, I've been married for 14 years now, and as I see marriages fold all around me, I know that nothing is ever certain. And, I need to get out my broom, and sweep away some cobwebs...

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JCK visiting The Women's Colony today

JCK is honored to be featured in The Women's Colony today. JCK is greatly relieved to think she is elsewhere, due to being assaulted with challenging questions...

Mommy, when is the end of life?

Mommy, why does my chest look like this? Why aren't my breasts fat like yours?

And interesting tales...

Well, when I went to work in Connecticut last night, I stopped by and saw President Obama. He was happy to see me. I'm doing very important work, you know, Mom.

Apparently so...

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A little candy fairy tale...

Once upon a time, on Halloween Night, there was a small BOY, dressed as a Rescue Ranger from the Grand Canyon, and a small GIRL, dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Both were cuter than cutest.

They were very excited about getting....candy. This BOY and this GIRL gathered much candy over a 2 block radius. Their parents were both proud, and... horrified. What was a parent to do? With all that...candy.

It was then that they found out about the candy fairy. Indeed. The candy fairy is a very special fairy. She takes the extra candy and brings it to sick children in the hospital, who can't get out to trick-or-treat themselves. This idea filled the parents with warm & fuzzy thoughts. And...the candy fairy leaves behind a present. This idea filled the children with warm & fuzzy thoughts.

So, this small BOY and small GIRL, picked out their allowed 5 pieces for that night. And, after saving 2 pieces each for the next night, they left out all the rest of the candy on the front porch for the candy fairy.

Then the small BOY and small GIRL slipped into a sugar coma and slept until morning. Their mommy and daddy...also ate candy and slipped into a sugar coma until morning.

It so happened that the time LEAPED back that evening. And the children's parents could have danced a jig, because they would get an extra hour of rest...

Alas, it was not to be. The small BOY arose at 5:30AM!! As if ...it were Christmas morning! The BOY dashed madly to the front door, and threw back the bolts to open the door and discover....a small toy for both a small GIRL and a small BOY. And perhaps 2 small candies. All was good with the world.

Until....the small BOY & small GIRL shrieked with joy into...the tender ears of their sleeping parents. Indeed. All WAS AWAKE in the world.

The End

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Motherhood and Identity...is it a crisis?

I sit at my desk surrounded by tangible items identifying me as Mama. Adorable drawings of a little girl, by a little girl... I LOVE MOMMY carefully written across the top or bottom. I receive these gifts almost every day. If I look up, there are small handmade gems from both my girl and boy amongst the books. My son's letter practice sheets, painstakingly done - practically bludgeoned across the boxes...accomplished with me by his side, are to my left. An ongoing challenge, sometime battle, yet...success at the end. It is what I do.

Motherhood and identity...is it a crisis?

My children are glorious little beings that define a large part of who I am. This amazingly fluid role of Mommy is one that I embrace fully. And Thank GOD for it every day.

My desk is littered with papers, most of them relating to scheduling the household for play dates and activities, with folders to my right designated: Current Bills, Massage, School, To Do, Writing Ideas... Oh, yes, that. Somewhat telling... That Writing Ideas folder? Is buried at the bottom of the stack.

Motherhood and Identity...is it a crisis?

As a mother, I feel more confident than I have ever felt about anything. It is a natural fit for me. I like to think I do it mostly with joy and occasionally, if I'm lucky, with wonder. With doses of resentment thrown in for good measure. To keep me on my toes... But, you have to watch that RESENTMENT. It can be a nasty beast, rearing its head and taking over.

Motherhood and identity...is it a crisis?

There is a definitive link between being a mother and the risk of losing one's self. I'd like to flip that around. Being a mother and the risk of finding oneself. Perhaps a life long journey. Perhaps just under one's nose. I believe My Truth is on the desk, buried under stacks. Let's hope I open it up, before it atrophies...

Motherhood and identity...is it a crisis?



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Note: Upcoming Post about How Marriage fits into this complicated equation.

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"Woman Holding a Balance" -Painting by Johannes Vermeer.

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