Sunday, May 11, 2008

I used to hate Mother's Day

I used to hate Mother's Day. Hated it! Always....IT seemed to arrive during a period when I was most vulnerable. Another failed IVF. Another negative pregnancy test. Another dream shattered. Another friend or family member pregnant. The hope slipping away...

No one GOT it. Except other women going through what I was living on a daily basis. Other women who wanted to be a mother more than anything and whose destiny appeared to be barren. Infertile. Unable to conceive. My happiness for the other mothers in my life was there, but muted by what I didn't have. It was a separate piece. They were "the have's." I was a "have not." My capacity for loving my nieces and nephew was enormous. Yet, the cavernous place that housed my sorrow over not having my own children seemed endless and all encompassing.

I sit here now, writing this, watching GIRL & BOY outside riding their tricycles. Their little legs whipping around the pedals; their toys strewn on the driveway. I get up having to intercede on yet another argument. It is annoying and aggravating to hear their bickering. Yet, I get to hear it. They are my children. I. AM. A. MOTHER.

I'm thinking of BOY's birthmother. We haven't heard from her in a while and she's most especially on my mind today. She chose us to be BOY's parents, his forever family. She trusted that we would be able to do it. She loved him enough to want a better life for him than what she could provide. She was truly selfless. She did a mothering act. This loving deed helped to create our family and I will never forget that. Ever.

Things are different now. I treasure Mother's Day. The commercialism doesn't bother me. That feels other - at a distance from the pure joy in embracing this day. Sure, there are many times throughout the year that I can acknowledge being a mother. But, Mother's Day is a chance for me to stop, to reflect, and to celebrate the day. I don't know that I will ever take Mother's Day for granted. Or ever forget my first Mother's Day. The words, "Happy Mother's Day!" The calls. The cards. A sense of belonging to a club I had long coveted. One moment captured in a photograph, holding 6 month old BOY on my hip, the swell of my belly pregnant with GIRL visible front and center. There is a radiance about the picture. I can almost reach out and touch it - the happiness on that day.

Today, I want to celebrate Motherhood in all its forms. To the women who are struggling with infertility and yearning to become mothers. To the single mothers who day in and day out struggle to make it work, and do, with grace and strength. To the men who lovingly mother their children. To the many women who have chosen a different path, that of being child-free. And to the ones who haven't chosen, I wish you hope and ...peace. Mothering comes in many forms. And I am confident that all of us - whether mothers of children or not, each of us, can and do nurture lives on a daily basis. We are all Mothers of a sort. And it is important to honor that.

Happy Mother's Day!


**Photo Credit: The Sculpture Gallery


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22 comments:

Domestically Challenged said...

Lucky Boy and Girl to be so loved
x

Lisa Stone said...

What a beautiful post - thank you.

Madge said...

i hope you had a wonderful wonderful day yesterday -- and that every day is a little bit of mother's day for you.

Elizabeth said...

Howdy!
Happy Mother's Day!
I hope you had a lovely day...
You did seem to from your post.
BOY and GIRL are very Blessed.
Pax, EJT

painted maypole said...

lovely post

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Very touching.

Lisa Milton said...

Though I never had as much trouble conceiving, it took a few years. I'll never forget those years, when Greg always bought me flowers and a card because my someday would come, and I 'mothered' all the younger people in my world.

So sweet. Lovely post.

phd in yogurtry said...

Beautiful sentiments. So glad you got to join the mommy club : )

Incidentally, I have a friend who was adopted and then a month or so later her mom was pregnant. So sisters less than a year apart.

Lisa said...

You are an asset to the mommy world :)
Happy Belated Mother's Day!

MamaGeek said...

Once again, your words spoke right to my heart. DIRECTLY. The best part of Mother's day is being able to celebrate.

Hope you had a great Mother's Day because you most certainly deserved it my friend.

liv said...

i hated it too for a time. it wasn't because of the infertility, but because i had small children and no husband who would maybe make me feel wanted and appreciated. it sucked.

Kellan said...

I am so glad that you are now able to celebrate and appreciate Mother's Day! I hope it was wonderful for you! Take care - Kellan

Karen MEG said...

What a lovely, lovely post, inclusive of all women. Hope your mother's day was wonderful.

Jennifer H said...

Well, now I want to go delete my own post about Mother's Day.

I can hear the happiness and tenderness in what you wrote here.

My feelings about Mother's Day aren't quite as pure as yours, but I know I'm very lucky.

Amanda said...

That was a beautiful post!

HRH said...

Beautiful

Limbic Resonance said...

Oh, that is just beautiful. I have a friend going through struggles right now, considering adoption, etc. I MUST share this beautiful page with her.

Angie said...

After 2 failed IVF and insemination and years of infertility, I can relate. My heart breaks for those wanting to be mother's though because I know no matter what anyone tells you about being a mother in spirit or nurturing, etc, it still hurts.

KEEP BELIEVING

Jason said...

I'm so happpy for you, JCK.

Heather said...

What a beautiful post. My older sister is currently going through fertility treatments, and says that I "don't understand." True. But I hated to remind her that she has not suffered the death of a child as I have.

Mother's Day is full of twisted emotions for me too. It's different, yet the same. I don't say that to discount the struggle of infertility in a woman's life, but to say that we all have different burdens. Those burdens should bond us together as women, not drive us apart.

Thanks for sharing. Hug those two blessings.

heartshapedhedges said...

Found your blog...

Congratulations on Motherhood.

As a counselor in an orphanage for many years, I cant help reflecting on the hundreds of children I have known, who would look up at me with eyes yearning to love, and ask, "When will I get to have a mommy?"

Im glad two more souls have found their place together.

Tessa Barnes said...

It crazy as I read your blogs .. I went through long periods of times in and out of your lives... But our relationship still remains the same. I am so happy I was able to bring Boy in your lives. He is truly a blessing to you and I.. He helped you to become a mother and he helped me to grow up . It's crazy coming close to 30 and remembing 10 years ago I was so scared what the future held for me . I never could imagine being a newly mom today and now even though Boy was my first child truly enjoying mothers day wasn't the same then. Now I understand . Thank you for all these years of having you all in my life.. I have changed in such a good way and can now truly be a Mother . Xoxo

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