You see, my children are 9 months and 27 days apart

We are in that golden period in which my two children are the same digit. For 63 days they share a number. This year it is 6. You see, my children are 9 months and 27 days apart. Every family has its story. That is ours.

It is debatable whether biologically speaking it is possible to have children that close together. I have been told it is...possible. For us, it was the blessing and miracle of our adoption of BOY, soon followed by another surprise...a pregnancy, which produced GIRL.

I confess to occasionally tossing off the fact that my children are 10 months apart, and then pausing...watching the wheels turn, and the eyes widen of those who are recipients of my little blurt-out.

Somehow I see them imagining the horror of having sex so soon after the first...to get pregnant AGAIN!!?? It gives me a bit of a naughty...ha ha - particularly on those days when I could use a ...YOU MUST BE A WARRIOR WOMAN...or fucking crazy...pat on the back.

I'm not sure if anyone was happier for me, with the news of my pregnancy, than BOY's birthmother, T. I had been with her to several of her check-ups before BOY was born. She and I bonding over the BOY yet to be. I remember so clearly watching the ultrasound as I saw BOY for the first time. E and I overcome. And T smiling at us, going on her gut and faith that she had picked the right parents for her child.

When we told her of my pregnancy, after she laughed... she told me how happy she was that I would get the pregnancy experience. That she wanted that for me. My miracle GIRL...surprising us all. Ready to stake her claim in the world.

It was an easy pregnancy, for the most part. A bit bumpy with morning sickness and taking care of an infant. But, the real challenge was to come... BOY, at not yet 10 months, started walking when I came home from the hospital. Breast feeding GIRL didn't go so well when I had to frequently leap up and soothe BOY who had crashed into yet another piece of furniture.

Yet, despite the bumps and jolts along the way...we are here. In the golden period of 6. A time when they entertain and enthrall me with tales -both real and imaginary. I frequently notice them as they walk away from me. Taking bold, confident steps. Knowing that they have places to go, and will have much to share upon their return.

Somehow they have become little people. Sometimes it is a quick kiss and they are gone...vanishing into their own lives. Away from me...for a time.

Perhaps the greatest gift is their love for each other. Whether it is saving a treat for the other to share later, or a huge hug good-bye where they lift each other off the ground, it is a fullness that blindsides me at times.

Having discovered motherhood at an... elevated age, I find great comfort in their closeness. They will have each other when I am long gone from here.

These are the thoughts I have, when the house is quiet. As I admire the curl of eyelashes resting on their dewy cheeks. My children. Who are 9 months and 27 days apart.

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"The Barren Womb" painting by JCK. Painted during a period of great sadness and hopelessness that she would ever become a mother.

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They are 9 months and 28 days apart.

Honoring our children, how do we do that? To respect who they truly are is not always an easy task. Too often we get caught up in our own stuff. Our own projections of who we think they are, or who they should be. Celebrating who my children are individually is something that is important to me. I work hard at it, and I'm passionate about it.

They are, for 2 months of the year, the same numerical age. BOY was born in November of 2003, and GIRL in September of 2004. They are 9 months and 28 days apart. Although not twins, sometimes it feels as if they are but two sides of the same coin. True complements of each other, there is a constant learning element that is shared back and forth. Not a day passes that I don't say how blessed they are to have each other. (We adopted BOY at birth, and GIRL was the ultimate conception surprise!)

Yes, there are the blow-outs, the neanderthal SQUABBLES, but the time that is spent playing together is time that enables me to breathe and have bits and pieces for myself. Time, that valued commodity, to let them savor their joy in each other.

BOY will be starting Kindergarten in the fall. GIRL could start Kindergarten. She will turn 5 in September, and I have no doubt that she would do fine academically. However, because of the unusual situation that we have - with BOY & GIRL being just less than 10 months apart, it feels important to continue with them one year apart in school. BOY enjoys his role as her "big brother," and GIRL loves following him - albeit nipping at his heels, and sometimes darting out ahead.

Luckily, GIRL embraces the idea of doing the same Pre-K class in the fall that BOY is doing this year. For her, the idea of an all day Kindergarten is daunting. For BOY, (truthfully he doesn't even think about it and GIRL is planning 2 years out!), a full day Kindergarten will be just right. GIRL will have the practice of going to school 5 mornings next year, and then a full day when she gets to Kindergarten the fall of 2010.

The decision to keep them one grade apart in school is definitely weighted by what is good for the whole family. But, GIRL could also use that extra year to grow in confidence, and to learn how to use her words when she gets frustrated. Instead of dissolving, or using her fists.

I believe that I am honoring them, and their needs. I know that I will not always be able to do this. Honor them, each and every time. But, right now...in this time and place, my gut instinct tells me it is the right decision. And so it is...



*** Painting titled: "Wisdom Follows" by Chuck Gumpert.

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I'm glad you are excited about being 5 now

Dear BOY,

One of the things that I love about you so much is how affectionate you are. In both words and action. You'll suddenly throw your arms around me and say, "You are the bestest Mommy in the whole wide world!" And when I say, "Thank you, BOY, I think you are the best boy in the whole world," you say, "Aw Shucks, Mom." It kills me. Every time.

You're also the first one to run up to a friend, or someone whom you haven't seen for a while, give them a bear hug and say, "I've missed you!" The other moms always melt. I'm already on the floor, undone. Oh...those girls in your future...

You are so incredibly sweet natured. Recently, you and GIRL have been going around pretending you have animal babies in your tummy. You'll say, "Look Mommy, my stomach is huge!" Then it is: "A baby puppy is born, mom. Isn't he the cutest?" That pup may be cute boy, but no one is cuter than you.

Five years ago tonight, also on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, you were born. Your dad and I were there at the hospital, my mom - your Ma'Mai, your Uncle M and Aunt P and their two girls -your cousins. And your birth family was there. There was... T your birthmom, her dad, her step mom, her mom and step dad, her sister, and your birthfather. You had a huge fan base from the beginning, and were welcomed into this world with love.

But, your biggest fan, other than your mom and dad is your sister, GIRL. She basically thinks you hang the moon. And you pretty much do. Maybe because you hang so differently, and always bring a uniqueness to the mix. Your daddy and I know that you will do something really intriguing some day when you're a grown-up. But, for now, you're my little boy and will be for a long time. Probably forever.

There were moments today when I looked at you and thought you looked like you were 5 years old. It was both lovely and bittersweet. Your whole little being is beginning to look much older. I'm glad you are excited about being 5 now. I know you were a bit unsure if it would be as fun as 4. I'm just glad you thought 4 was fun.

You are so beautiful with that shiny, thick blond hair and those mile long eyelashes. And those impossibly blue, blue eyes. But, the most beautiful thing about you is your loving and open spirit. I can say this now as someday you'll be rolling those eyes at me.

I love you more than the moon and the stars and the universe...

Happy 5th Birthday, BOY!

Love,

Mommy

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I truly believe that children come into our world with their own uniqueness

If you've been reading me for a while, you'll know that I often talk about the gifts that my children have brought into my life. Most notably, just themselves...as they are. I also talk about one of the bonuses of having children so close in age is that I can see the striking differences in personality at the same ages. Those books on your child at 1, 2, 3, 4, etc., all have their place, and often are "right on," but I have found that BOY & GIRL are more different than alike. Especially in how they do things and view the world.

BOY likes to jump right in, meet new people, experience a novel place, and do things a little differently from "the norm." He learns while moving. He will fool you every time when you think he hasn't taken something in, OH...but he HAS. And, he chooses when to let you in on it. He is clever that way.

GIRL is an amazing observer. She loves a good conversation. She watches. Everything down to the smallest detail goes in, assimilates in her brain and then she can explain to you what she has seen. She is quick to memorize and repeat things verbatim back to you. For the most part, she draws comfort and enjoys doing things "the right way." She takes charge and nothing slips her notice.

BOY has no boundaries. He will walk up to a stranger and throw his arm around their leg or pat someone's tummy and greet them. Everyone is a friend and people are charmed by his openness. Having some boundaries is something we will have to work on with him.

GIRL has very firm boundaries. She is reserved and cautious when she first meets someone and is able to make some adults uncomfortable with what we like to call her 500 yard stare. She is an old soul and it can feel like she sees through you. She has good, healthy boundaries and our work with her is to acknowledge people upon greeting and to encourage her to put that amazing vocabulary that she owns to good use. She is thoughtful and analytical.

Because of, or perhaps someday in spite of...their differences, they get along like gangbusters! The first two years were all about running, but now they play together so well and I am continually struck by their creative play and how they complement each other. Of course there are those days...everyone has them. But, secretly...I feel so lucky that I'm out of the diaper stage and on to the ongoing discovery of who these little people are, whom I love so much.

I say all this with confidence, yet I do know that they may change on a dime. Isn't that what half of parenting is? Being able to move, duck and cover with the mercurial changes in one's children? Yet, I am always fascinated by the discussion of NATURE VS. NURTURE.... Having both an adopted child and a biological child has caused me to weigh in heavily on the NATURE side of things. I truly believe that children come into our world with their own uniqueness. We may help shape and guide them, but they are their own little people. And, they never let us forget it...


***Picture courtesy of Google Images

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Would I have glimpsed their sweetness?

Sometimes...in moments, I look at my children and take a long, deep breath. A breath that resides and flutters in my soul. If I could have looked ahead all those years ago, when I was lying down in a cold, sterile room waiting for the doctor to come and do another procedure to make me pregnant... would I have believed it? Would I have glimpsed their sweetness? Their beauty? Their special little spirits? Would I have imagined their challenging questions? Their hunger and delight in learning new words? Would I have seen myself standing by my husband E, together...as parents? Proud and puffed up like goofy penguins? Could I have imagined the feel of their sweet, soft cheeks pressed against mine? The touch of my nose to theirs? The giggles? The shrieks? The sound of their soft breath kissing the air as they sleep snuggled in their beds?

I am many things. A woman, feminist, wife, sister, daughter, friend, writer, but if there is anything that I identify with at this time in my life..it is being a mother. It can be tricky at times. I can feel a bit lost. Sometimes crazy. But, always, always it is the most important, the most meaningful piece of who I am. It is so much more than I imagined all those years ago. It is fuller, riper, harder and richer.

What I do know is this...that Life with a BOY who is 4 and a GIRL who is almost 4 is the most fascinating, intriguing, challenging, and scrumptious life I have ever feasted on. And I can't get enough...
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This post is inspired by my friend, Mrs. G from Derfwad Manor, and her post: Tired. I so aspire to what she speaks of as both mother and writer.

And dedicated to my lovely guest posters this past week. Thanks go to: Philosopher Mom, Happy Geek, Thursday Drive, On the Upside, Rants and Raves and Flutter. It was so much fun to lay the posts out...one per day. All of you with such unique voices. All of you so generous of spirit. Thank you for sharing your stories on my blog.

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I treasure each of them and what they bring to the world

Change is in the air. I see it in my children and in the events around us. Tomorrow is BOY's end-of-the-year party at school. It should be a fun evening. We'll have presents for the teachers, a slide show of the year in pictures, a few songs by the children, and certificates of accomplishment given to each child. Best of all there will be pizza and make-your-own sundaes. My friend, also a mom, has organized the whole thing with a little help from a few of us, and like everything she does it will be wonderful.

We've been talking to BOY & GIRL about their new school for a couple of weeks. After an initial cry of "I don't want to leave my friends!!," and the reassurance that they will still see their friends, they appear to be excited.

BOY: I will make new friends. I will introduce myself to everyone! [There is no doubt that he will.]

GIRL: And they have a big playground! We get to take the ...what's that called again, Mommy? Hamster?

ME: Guinea pig.

GIRL: Yes! We'll get to take the guinea pig home! And there's no nap time at school! We get to play. [Oh, GIRL, you will love the new challenges ahead!]

We are all excited about the new change in schools. It will be helpful to have a fresh set of eyes on BOY. It will also be an adjustment for him to have 2 teachers to 18 students as opposed to what he's had with 4 teachers to 24 students. A good bridge for Kindergarten next year.

Perhaps most importantly, and the motivation for changing schools, is that they will each have their own classrooms. Being only 10 months apart provides unique challenges at times. They are not twins. And they know they are not twins. They each have their own lovely strengths and abilities. It is important that BOY feel like a big brother. GIRL is a strong personality and is gifted in her fine motor skills. She needs to shine without holding herself back. He needs to shine without being overshadowed. I treasure each of them and what they bring to the world.

So, we are winding down for the end of our time at their current school. I feel less sad now, but instead am looking forward. Change is almost always good, even if there are growing pains along the way.

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One baby with hair. And one with not much.

Will you tuck in my babies for me?

Tonight I tucked in two little babies. Their mommy was so tired she stumbled on her way to bed. One baby with hair. And one with not much. Their eyes wide open as I turned them over on their tummys. It is important that I honor her way of doing things. I couldn't find the special baby blankets. I looked around the room and finally spied the overstuffed large purse. She was well prepared. The baby blankets were there. As were a bottle of milk, one of juice, a rolling pin, colander, 2 stew pots, napkins for high tea, a bracelet, and a Fancy Nancy fan from a recent bookstore outing. How she loves those books! As I tucked the blankets around each baby, I couldn't help but remember...not so long ago, when I had two babies. Close in age, yet not twins. One baby with hair. And one with not much. I gently patted their backs and turned off the light...


**Photo: Fancy Nancy: Bonjour Butterfly

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