Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Would I have glimpsed their sweetness?

Sometimes...in moments, I look at my children and take a long, deep breath. A breath that resides and flutters in my soul. If I could have looked ahead all those years ago, when I was lying down in a cold, sterile room waiting for the doctor to come and do another procedure to make me pregnant... would I have believed it? Would I have glimpsed their sweetness? Their beauty? Their special little spirits? Would I have imagined their challenging questions? Their hunger and delight in learning new words? Would I have seen myself standing by my husband E, together...as parents? Proud and puffed up like goofy penguins? Could I have imagined the feel of their sweet, soft cheeks pressed against mine? The touch of my nose to theirs? The giggles? The shrieks? The sound of their soft breath kissing the air as they sleep snuggled in their beds?

I am many things. A woman, feminist, wife, sister, daughter, friend, writer, but if there is anything that I identify with at this time in my life..it is being a mother. It can be tricky at times. I can feel a bit lost. Sometimes crazy. But, always, always it is the most important, the most meaningful piece of who I am. It is so much more than I imagined all those years ago. It is fuller, riper, harder and richer.

What I do know is this...that Life with a BOY who is 4 and a GIRL who is almost 4 is the most fascinating, intriguing, challenging, and scrumptious life I have ever feasted on. And I can't get enough...

This post is inspired by my friend, Mrs. G from Derfwad Manor, and her post: Tired. I so aspire to what she speaks of as both mother and writer.

And dedicated to my lovely guest posters this past week. Thanks go to: Philosopher Mom, Happy Geek, Thursday Drive, On the Upside, Rants and Raves and Flutter. It was so much fun to lay the posts out...one per day. All of you with such unique voices. All of you so generous of spirit. Thank you for sharing your stories on my blog.

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  1. Beautiful and true. So true. I think I have to go snuggle all that sweetness right now...

  2. That is exactly the attitude a parent should have!

  3. I agree. Motherhood is just oh so much more than anyone can ever prepare you for!

  4. Lovely piece.

    I forget, of course, how much more precious people's feelings of motherhood are when they have had to work that bit harder to have children in the first place. I often worry that that will make people too focussed on their children, too protective I suppose. But I don't think it does - or rarely. We all feel motherhood the same way - but maybe when you have to fight to be a mother you think about it a bit more or a bit differently. Maybe?

    I know that with each child I have had, I have always questioned whether I would be able to love them as much as the ones I already have (before they are born, I mean) and I always do love them. But you can't imagine the love you have, even for each individual child, until they are there even when you have loved 2 or 3 children already.

    You made me feel all soppy. That doesn't happen very often!!

  5. I do not think that I for even one moment could taste the sweetness that my children bring to everyday, when I was pregnant.

  6. It was...and is...sweet. I miss snuggling together and watching cartoons. Everyone's bigger than me now and it's different. No less important to me, but the hands-on factor is gone. I'm learning to enjoy every stage but I do miss the one you're in now. So much.

  7. I'm getting weepy, reading about kids going back to school; kids having babies.

    My heart is flooded.

    Enjoy these exhausting and sweet days. I don't have to tell you how fleeting they are...

  8. So true. Who could have imagined it all? I do have to say, after reading Mrs. G's post, I mostly agree with her. It doesn't bother me to hear about a mother's struggles with her children - we all have those days and need to be reassured - but the ones who are constantly bitching do bother me.

    As a nanny, though, I WISH potential employees would write an honest ad, like that woman most likely did. It would save me tons of time and stress.

    Thanks again for inviting me this week! I might be addicted to the guest posting idea now.

  9. Welcome back, dear. I think Mother is a role we find so easy to accept, because it is one that NEVER ends. Not until we die.

  10. This was delicious. And I feel ya. But you know that. I'm fairly certain this is my favorite post of YOURS yet.

  11. Hi, jck, glad you're back!! What a wonderful post.

  12. This was beautiful and reminds me how I often have my breath taken away by the wonder of my own children!

    Thanks for having me as a guest blogger - it was my priviledge!

    Take care - Kellan

  13. This is exactly right, and beautiful.

    Thank you for having me by last week--It was an honor, truly.

  14. I can so relate to this...

    my kids age gap isn't that big too. Just 16months difference... so it can be really CRAZY sometimes...

    and these thoughts...can I say your thoughts are the same as my lullaby every night...really...

  15. You definately had some excellent guest posters! I enjoyed reading them.

  16. Ditto, sweetums, and welcome back. Must go snuggle some young 'uns.


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