Sunday, August 17, 2008

I don't like good-byes


I don't like good-byes. You might as well have a button on my chest that says: START SOBBING NOW, because...good-byes open the floodgates. A haunting echo still vibrating from my past. My childhood. Some years... a series of good-byes.

My friend W is moving to Connecticut. My dear friend whom I love so much. And I am both bereft and excited for her. It is a strange state of being. She has been a confidante, an amazing friend to our whole family, and the biggest cheerleader of my writing, other than my husband.


Do you know about JCK's blog?


Oh, you've GOT to read JCK's blog!

And they did...
Henceforth known as the Great Society of JCK's Lurkers...

Yes, she and I bond over exaggeration. We're both prone to drama. But, truly, a better friend would be hard to find. We met at church where she's been a children's minister. She helped baptize BOY & GIRL. She has been instrumental in being a liaison between myself and the daycare where the children have been. More than that, she's been our advocate. And she'll call me on my stuff. Like when I'm worrying about things off in the distance instead of focusing just on the NOW.

I love our church. It gives me much. But, things will be very different without her there. On Sundays, we will not hear her distinctive, lilting voice announcing right before the sermon that "it is now time for all children in Kindergarten through 5th grade to follow the banner to the learning center." She will not be there to give BOY & GIRL an extra hug & kiss. I shall miss her on Sundays, and all days, but most especially on Thursdays. That is the day of the week that I get my little bit of calm. My 2 hours of special space that she created for the moms group. It is called "God, Mommy & Me" and it saves my ass every week. The children are upstairs with lovely, caring childcare providers and the moms are downstairs grasping at that 2 hour time slot that keeps all of us sane. W created something special in that space. It is safe and welcoming to all. She likes to say that we can talk about anything there. And, indeed we do. From breast feeding to politics and everything in-between. With a large focus on the insanity that occurs with sleep deprivation...

She is the first one I call when there is some crisis with BOY or GIRL. She is a wealth of knowledge, having been a preschool teacher for many years and now a mom of a 5 1/2 year old boy. She is a single mom. Her love died of a massive heart attack when her son was less than a year old. One day he was suddenly...gone. She is aware of time and lives so often in grace. She is obviously strong and courageous, but most importantly kind. And she adores the children. All children. She has the magic touch. And she has empathy in buckets.

Today she is flying to New York, making her way to Connecticut where she has a new life waiting for her. A new job providing everything that she could want, plus housing and a short walk to the Magnet elementary school where her son will start Kindergarten in a couple of weeks. It was a NO BRAINER- the decision to take the job. I am THRILLED for her. They are SO lucky to have her.

But, she will be missed...oh, how she will be missed. Farewell, my friend!


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23 comments:

merlotmom said...

I'm sorry you're saying goodbye to a close friend. That's hard. But that's what IM and videochat is for, no? Better now than years ago.

MamaGeek said...

I, too, am sorry for the good-bye. My best friend up and left me for South Carolina (2 years ago) and I'm STILL not over it.

I hope that heavy heart of yours can be remedied by some dark, smooth chocolate until you visit.

flutter said...

goodbyes are hard as hell.

Manic Mommy said...

Oh, Jennifer. I'm sorry. I am missing a close friend, too. It's like loosing a sister.

But Fran is right; distance will only intrude so much. We're a wireless world. Just rethink Twitter.

Kalynne Pudner said...

Twitter, IM, videochat...and the Communion of Saints. Friendship like that is not a passing thing, dear.

Suzanne said...

I'm sorry that your friend is moving away......I hope you two will be able to keep in touch via all the media.

That said, this tribute you've written to her and the friendship you've shared is a wonderful going away present!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

It is so hard to have a friend like that leave your everyday life. I have found that I'm much better about keeping in touch as I get older--and have a bit more money for plane tickets. I hope you see each other again before too long.

Kellan said...

I'm so sorry your dear friend is moving away, but ... she will still be there for your to call - I am sure of it! And ... I'll just bet she continues to keep up with you on your fabulous blog! I wish her well! And, you too!

Take care - Kellan

painted maypole said...

ouch. your poor heart.

how blessed you have been. but long distance friends are lovely, too, and now you have an excuse to go to connecticut!

Denise said...

What a great friend you are! I can tell how much you love her, how much you'll miss her.

Reluctant Blogger said...

I am rubbish at goodbyes too - I tend to dread them and work them up into big tearful things.

But like all your previous commenters have said, it is really easy to stay in touch these days and you can be close to someone online and catch up in person when you can.

Focus on that (it's just a new stage of your friendship) and all the great times that you had. In a way you are at a new stage anyway now the children are bigger - so it is another marker of that. Look forward!

But yeah - I'd feel sad too!

Ellyn said...

I am an emotional good bye person too. I know what you are going through and have been through it myself.
Thanks goodness we lived in an age of email, IM, telephone, and blogs. It won't feel like that far. Just don't loose touch.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Not that this is actually helpful, although it is meant to be, but cross-country, even cross-planet moves are different in this day and age. Same goes for when my kids left for college. No brief calls from the payphone in the dorm; no posting letters -- we can talk, text, email, read posts, and even see each other via webcam anytime. And we do.

One of my close friends moved to New Zealand. With iChat, and blogs, and email we stay in close touch. It isn't the same, of course, but better than the alternative.

Take care, JCK.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I don't like them either, I feel your pain. :( I'm sorry you have to say goodbye.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I hope she realizes how much her friendship means to you. And, thank goodness for email. It makes long distance much closer.

happygeek said...

Yeah, good-by suck.
Cause while twitter and texts and stuff are nice, they cannot make up for the face-to face stuff and the occasional in your face stuff that is required in a good friendship.
So glad she found a good job! That's not easy anymore!

Nora Bee said...

What a nice tribute. And I want to go to your mom's group.

A good friend of mine is also moving away soon and I am in DENIAL.

Jen said...

Goodbye's suck. Goodbye tributes by an amazing friend like you don't suck. They KICK ASS! Can you write one for me, because I'm not doing so well these days. Seriously, she sounds awesome, but you are also awesome for recognizing all these things about her, and telling her you appreciate each one.

Mrs. G. said...

A good friend is such a treasure. Thank goodness for airplanes and the internet. Eat some chocolate, JCK. It won't cure what ails you, but it might help ease the pain just a little.

Mrs. G. said...

A good friend is such a treasure. Thank goodness for airplanes and the internet. Eat some chocolate, JCK. It won't cure what ails you, but it might help ease the pain just a little.

phd in yogurtry said...

I'm sorry, JCK. Good friends are so hard to lose -- well not lose in this case, but having a full continent between you is tough. Thank goodness for cheap long distance and internet - but not the same as living nearby. I too have trouble adjusting when a good friend moves away. A void is left and takes a long time to fill, if ever.

ShannanB aka Mommy Bits said...

That does suck. My best friend moved away last June. It was so hard. Our kids are best friends, we spent so much time together.

We've managed to stay tight via the computer and phone. With today's technology you can make it work!

Janet said...

I'm so sorry, hon. Yes, there's always email, but face-to-face is often so much more necessary.

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