Monday, January 21, 2008

As to why I didn't get the job...

Today I received a call from a very nice man letting me know that they would not be hiring me. Although it never feels good to be turned down for something, I must say that I was relieved. I interviewed for the position right before Christmas. A former journalist, the man seemed pleasant, witty and an intellectual giant (which is always both attractive and intimidating, since I am not one.) However, I was less clear after I left the interview than when I had gone into it as to what exactly the job description entailed. Everything was rather vague and as time went on and the actual interview started to fade from memory, I realized that I really had NO IDEA if I wanted this job since I didn't understand what it was. Hence the relief when I got the phone call.

As to why I didn't get the job, I really don't think it was because I was having so much fun during the interview that when the potential boss said they were looking for someone who could put a sentence together and help write fundraising letters I enthusiastically screamed stated that I had a blog.

Oh, really? - [him asking with interest... thinking that he had found a literary gem and not the babbling, tired looking woman he had spent the last 20 minutes interviewing.]

Yes! - [me feeling "that common bond between writers" later to be realized as narcissistic lunacy.]

I could have given him the wrong blog address. I could have said that my blog was personal and not a public forum. I could have... But, in the moment none of this occurred to me. And so I found myself reaching into my purse and, as if in a trance, handing him one of my cards. Yes. I did. And he said he would take a look at my blog. Perhaps COMPLETE IDIOT and HOW COULD ANYONE BE THAT STUPID come to mind?

I couldn't get out of there fast enough, quickly realizing the error of my ways. Yes, Mr. Policeman, that was me in the minivan screeching around the corner on 2 wheels, madly flying down the freeway and arriving home within record time. Yes, Nosy Neighbor across the street, that was me thrusting my key into the front door lock and literally running back to the home office, leaping on the computer and going to my blog archive, fingers at the ready to DELETE. But, how much would I be able to delete and what? Well, perhaps I should take the most recent potentially offensive post out of circulation. Just that week I had written an entry about being so incredibly fabulous that I had moved up in the world and my blog could be found by the search engines under "butt crack clip art." Otherwise known as the gluteal cleft. Yes, there really is such a phrase. Probably comes from the French. You know how they make everything sound so much better. And I thought...maybe I should start there. Probably not an entry that would get me the job. So, I changed the post to "draft" and took it off the blog. Oh, but this was insane. What was I thinking!!

Oh, no! my friends assured me when I frantically dialed telling them how incredibly, STUPID I had been. They probably won't even have the time to look it up. [That JCK is really NOT an intellectual giant.]

Oh, O.K., you really think so?

Yes, I'm sure they have too much on their plate to spend time looking at a mommy blog. [Friend laughing hysterically while covering the phone with her hand.]

Oh, you're right. I'm probably just obsessing.

I love my friends, but they lie. To me. Often. I couldn't bring myself to erase the entry, but I did take it out of circulation and put it into "draft" status for a few days until I calmed down. It took me ... several days to calm down. I cut back on the Irish Breakfast tea to 3 cups a day, increased my intake of chocolate by 2lbs a day, and happy hour started a bit early, but who is paying attention? Then I decided, what the hell?! I don't even know if I want this job, and the butt crack clip art is going back up, by GOD.

So... the call came. Well, a month later. And I have NO idea if they looked at my blog or not. I do know that it is probably good that I was not offered the job. Because, every time I walked through the office I would have been wondering if they were checking out a certain area on my person, the location of my gluteal cleft. And that would have been, well, depending on the undergarment worn...rather itchy - at least in theory. Perhaps next time I'll just leave my cards at home....

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  1. Your talents would have been wasted there--not much call for witty posts on the gluteal cleft in the fundraising arena!

  2. Hahahaha!!! I was wondering what happened to that one. And also? This is a hilarious entry! I'm laughing out loud and it is very late.

  3. Hey, if the man can't take a little guteal cleft humor, then who needs him?

  4. Oh, this is GREAT! Sounds like they couldn't handle you anyway. You're such a loose cannon! hee hee Talking about butt cracks and whatnot. hee hee

  5. Lucky for you, you have me - a true friend who always speaks the truth. I am positive he read your whole blog, and then decided not to hire you because he was intimidated by your wittiness.
    P.S. Wouldn't it be funny if he read this post? HA!

  6. Soo funny. I LOVE Jen's P.S. - that would be a scream!

  7. This was so very funny!!! I love your stories and your writing - I am always right there with you - with the nosey neighbor watching you run frantically into your house to hit that delete button!! Sorry you didn't get the job - but I did love the story my friend. Good to see you - see you soon. Kellan

  8. What's little ass crack between employees?

  9. You kill me. I can so see myself doing something similar --- right down the squealing tires and the two pounds of chocolate. Well, if he can't see literary genius when it's handed to him, it is his loss!
    I for one, enjoy some deep thoughts on crack.

  10. I spent many long, boring, and non-lucrative years as a grant writer. And I agree with Jen, I imagine he thought you were too witty, whether he read the blog or not!

  11. So funny. Love the tag, too. I know the feeling.

  12. Oh, you crack me up! It's their loss, though. Because it takes a certain kind of talent to write as compelling a post about the gluteal cleft as you did. Who wants to work for someone without a sense of humor, anyway?

  13. I'm debating if the cleft will now replace my obsession with flume (the little gap between upper lip & nose)....Maybe!

    Thank you for stopping by! I love visitors!

  14. I'm sorry you didn't get the job. Seriously, they don't what a fun, hilarious hip chic they passed up!

  15. just imagine what the actual work would have been like if the intro went like that...thankfully the universe intervenes on our behalf sometimes!

  16. I'm actually breathing a sigh of relief for you. I'm sure there's something better for you out there! (But yeah, leave the cards at home.)

  17. Oh my gosh that sounds like something I would do!!! I've had interviews like yours and in fact the last job I interviewed for I walked out of there going what the heck? I later found out that what they advertised and what they needed were 2 different things and they did not hire me either but were kind enough to call. LOL

    Anyway, have a great night! Thanks for the laughs. Your blog is great. DO not change a thing!

  18. That is funny, but if I was up for a writing job I would have given them YOUR blog address and told them I was disguising myself. But the glueteal fold post made me laugh because that was the very first time I ever visited your blog and it has made a lasting impression..haha. Sorry about the job, but it sounds like it wasn't for you anyway.

  19. Oh, that is funny! I'm kind of glad you didn't get the job, because any job with such a vague job description is a job that might include... well, really, ANYTHING. Arbitrarily.

  20. you crack me up. no pun intended. you're going to find a job where you are fully appreciated, gluteal cleft and all!

  21. This post had me laughing at a time when I really needed it.

    As you know from my own resume-builder, you are not alone. It happens to us all.

    What I love and appreciate is that you gave me another way of looking at my own job disappointment. (And believe it or not, I was engaging in a bit of self-censorship until I knew how my own little gamble would play out.)

    I should be reveling in the freedom to now write what I want.

    ... even if that means writing about places the sun doesn't shine.

    :D Thanks. - Julia


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