Monday, March 10, 2008

Are you Episcopalians or Catholics?

We are back! It has been a very up and down last few days and feels very off kilter to have not been blogging. As we were about to board our plane at LAX early Thursday morning, my mom called me to let me know that my sister was in the hospital and had been in a near fatal car accident. At that point, she appeared O.K., but they would continue to run tests. My sister was coming home from picking up my nephew late at night, and a car heading in the opposite direction jumped the median and flew, airborne like a missile, at 60mph and hit my sister's car head-on. The airbags saved both her and my nephew's lives. The car was totaled and the other driver, a young woman in her 20's lost both of her legs in the accident. My sister was released on Saturday and will have a follow-up check-up. She is emotionally traumatized, and I cannot even imagine having to relive seeing that car airborne in front of you over and over again in your head. My nephew was fine other than a cut lip and some bruising. It is a miracle that they are alive. I was shaky and distracted all weekend. Still am.

The weekend was full of many varied moments:

The kids did very well on both flights. On the 2nd flight to our destination, BOY & GIRL got to go into the cockpit and talk to the pilot and co-pilot. The co-pilot showed them the steering wheel and all the various buttons. They were given their wings, which they wore proudly.

We were picked up at the Birmingham airport by E's brother-n-law who got just a little....lost and what was supposed to be a 2 1/2 hour trip to Columbus, GA took 4 1/2 hours as we toured lower Alabama in the dark. Never, ever believe that men are immune to getting lost while trying to drive and chat at the same time. I am here to tell you. It is now a proven fact. Not an ideal way to travel with two tired 3 and 4 year old children who have been cooped up all day. Especially for a GIRL who decides she wants to use your hair for yanking practice. My brother-n-law will have a hard time living that down.

After finally arriving at our hotel in Columbus, we realized that we had left the garment bag with all of our dress clothes for the rehearsal dinner & the Birmingham airport - 2 1/2 hours away.

E's brother saved the day by making the drive all the way to the airport and picking up our bag the next day. He was a GOD.

The weekend:
The entire time I was there, I was struck with how nice and helpful everyone was. Everyone. From the people at the hotel, to the woman on the phone at the airlines desk that helped us find our lost luggage, to the friends of E's sister. I miss the south.

During the weekend BOY & GIRL did not eat one vegetable. They lived off of fried chicken, pizza, fried chicken, muffins, fried chicken, cake, donuts and did I say fried chicken?

Lollipops were in a bucket in the lobby, easily accessed by children. Lollipop chunks were stuck to clothes, hair and were attracted to JCK's bare feet.

GIRL was SO proud of her wings that at various moments throughout the weekend, would flash her wings and recite the details of how she earned them. The vision of her in her little red velvet pantsuit telling her grandfather about earning her wings....

A few Whiskey & Cokes thrown in for good measure.

BOY and GIRL saw snow falling from the sky for the first time on the morning of the wedding. It was bitterly cold, but magical... for them.

There was an indoor pool at the hotel. E had the foresight to bring his bathing suit. I did not. BOY could wear shorts. GIRL wore her underwear as a monokini. BOY wanted to move in. E played for hours in the pool with BOY & GIRL. This tired them out...which was good - as we were staying in a hotel.

BOY took 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps each day. We lucked out and BOY slept quietly throughout the entire wedding ceremony. No quick exits needed. Although toward the end, judging from GIRL's body language, she looked like she was going to erupt into shenanigans.

BOY & GIRL got to see all of E's family and they got to see them. Worth every moment. E's sister and husband, and all of their girls welcomed us and showed us a good time.

GIRL got to dress up and go with me to the bridesmaids luncheon. She LOVED it! She felt very grown-up.

The wedding reception was in an old restored mill. It was a fantastic, open space for a happening. And E's family knows how to party. GIRL was a dancing, whirling dervish during the reception. She danced for over 2 hours with two other little girls. BOY did wind sprints around the space and then would slide across the floor on his knees. His version of break dancing. He tried for a while to dance with GIRL, but after getting spurned multiple times gave up and continued to do his own moves.

E's niece, the bride, was stunning. And SO very happy.

Wedding cake lying around on plates. Nirvana for BOY who served himself a few times.

Best lines delivered at the reception:

I'm going to the bathroom and tossing this girdle in the garbage.

What are those fat things? - delivered by BOY to a young woman, commenting on said young woman's lovely cleavage. We'll have to work on his way with women.

After hearing E's reading during the wedding ceremony:

A woman asked me at the reception, Are you Episcopalians or Catholics?


I just KNEW y'all had to be Episcopalian or Catholic by the way he did that reading!

Well he is an actor, he's had training...---

---Well, I just KNEW he was Episcopalian or Catholic! [What a waste that acting training was...all along, it was just O.K. that he was Episcopalian. Who knew?!]

Another woman told E that he sounded, "Evangelical." That threw E ...just a little.

We'll just say that it was an outstanding reading and leave it at that.

BOY managed to fall in a creek fully clothed the morning we were leaving to drive to the airport. Then at the airport: he got trapped within a compartment of a revolving door, purposefully went down the wrong escalator and tried to walk back up it, then leaped on a moving sidewalk going in the opposite direction of our gate, all before we boarded our first flight heading home.

On the way home, the first flight was uneventful. The flight from Memphis to LAX was not. BOY & GIRL were very well behaved. E and I had some challenges with both a flight attendant and a passenger.

Encounter #1: BOY was sitting next to E in a window seat. (3 seats to a row.) E went to the bathroom, BOY stated he did not have to go. Of course... about ....30 seconds later BOY decided he did need to go. He crawled under the aisle passenger's legs to get to the aisle, and was headed toward first class looking for daddy. By the time I got out of my seat across the aisle and got to him, he was greeting passengers in 1st class. I then steered him toward the back of the plane. A flight attendant approached me:

What seems to be the problem here? It was the tone. Not nice.

He has to go to the bathroom.

Well, the pilot has the seat belt sign on and you need to get back in your seats. Tone. Increasingly not nice.

He will pee in his pants. Me, equally not nice at this point.

Well, if you want to take responsibility... Very condescending tone.

Fine! We will TAKE responsibility. Me setting my own tone at this futile conversation in ridiculousness, seeing E heading back our way and spotting BOY doing the pee pee dance, while clutching his crotch. E accompanies BOY to restroom. I sit down fuming. [Note: I am not one to ignore airline safety rules, and know that they are important, but at this point there was no turbulence, nothing going on and we had an emergency. I guess I could have asked if she'd prefer that he take a whizz in the aisle.]

Encounter # 2: Basically the kids were really great on the flight. No crying. No whining. No getting up or crawling under passengers- other than the bathroom incident. This 2nd flight was 3 1/2 hours. The entire time BOY played with his Thomas the Tank Engine & Percy trains, making up stories and games with and without daddy. He used his socks for tunnels and a straw as a rescue link. E occasionally told him to lower his voice when he got too excited with his Thomas & Percy conversations, but really he was AMAZING for a 4 year old boy on an airplane. So....

The lady in front of them turned around and said, Well I should have told you earlier, but could you PLEASE be quiet for 30 minutes! We're at the end of a long day of travel! [I guess she thought she was the only one who was tired.]

E, basically incredulous: Well, it's obvious you've never had kids.

Cranky Lady: Yes, and there's a good reason for that.

E: Obviously!

Cranky Lady had no response. Probably a good thing. You don't want to aggravate a tired father of a 4 year old boy, who has been behaving really well.

Last encounter at LAX airport:

Security opening up the doors of our van and peeking inside. Ooops!! Caught red-handed. Nefarious deeds entailed trying to install 2 car seats back in the van and half-naked preschoolers being put into PJ's and pull-ups. Pretty terrifying stuff.

It's good to be home.

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  1. So glad to hear that your sister and nephew are pretty much all right. What a horrific accident.

    That aside, this was a great travel report!

    I would have paid my kid $10 to kick that lady's chair the rest of the trip.

    "What are those fat things?"--priceless!

    Sounds like a pretty great trip. And I'm glad you'

  2. that was supposed to say...

    I'm glad you're back.

  3. girl, i'm kind of tired just reading this account. oh, and honestly? you have the patience of a saint.

  4. That lady? Is lucky I wasn't sitting behind her. I would have taken that opportunity to discuss manners with my very well behaved young man; about how his are stellar and hers are not. In a loud voice. I hope there was more whiskey waiting for you at home.

    I hope your sister and nephew are doing better! How scary.

  5. Oh, I am so glad your sister and nephew are OK. Reading about stuff like that gives me a permanent lump in the throat. I'm glad the weekend turned out well!

  6. What ups and downs you've had. I'm glad your sister and nephew are alright.

    I hope that woman gets stuck on a flight with a crying baby soon!

  7. So glad you are home. Hope you get a chance to relax.

    (And I'm glad your family is ok. How scary.)

  8. So glad your sister is doing as well as can be expected after that.

    And the cranky lady probably doesn't have children because she has never had sex.

    What an amazing trip...

  9. So glad your sister is OK, what a horror.
    "What are those fat things?" He's gonna need some help with the ladies I'm thinking.
    You're a better woman than me, the cranky lady would have gotten a thomas the train in the back of the noggin. Seriously? I am always terrified of encountering people like that with the kids.
    HRH - that is TOO funny!

  10. Oh my god, everyone needs a nap!

  11. You are a better woman than I; I would have gone back to the airport for the garment bag and kept on going...missing all the good parts. Wonderful that the kids were such stellar travelers.

    So sorry to hear about your sister's accident. Chilling.

  12. Found you via the lovely Mary Alice.

    Loved hearing about your trip - I had fabulous mental picture of your son peeing in the aisle, then watching the pee trickle down aisle of the plane, puddling round the feet of the cranky lady.

  13. So glad your sister and nephew are ok. I hope they are able to get over the emotional aspects of it soon. How terrifying!

    You know, before kids, all of us probably were that cranky lady, complaining about "noisy, out of control kids" everywhere we went. Now, we understand.

  14. Sounds like quite a trip!

    I'm so glad your sister and nephew are okay. How scary!

  15. Glad they're OK, too. How awful for everyone.

    Smart move to send a different person back for the bag. You're a lot nicer than I am. I would have reported the flight attendant. And put a soggy 2-year-old on the cranky lady.

  16. I'm glad your sister & nephew are OK and hope they'll come to terms with the accident soon. That's a pretty terrible experience.

    Well - you were only 35 miles down the road from here? hmph.

    The Iron Works is a nice place for events, I've been to several Christmas parties there.

    I'm glad you reached home safely and uneventfully.

  17. I will be saying an Episcopalian prayer of thanksgiving for your sister and nephew. Also I certainly hope you drank your weight in sweet tea for me. Some days I really miss the south.

  18. Hey! You must have driven near me while getting lost between Birmingham and Columbus! US 280, right? (If not, it should have been.)

    This was hilarious. It kind of reminded me of flying from DC to Atlanta (talk about fellow travelers who never had children for good reason!) with the twins at 10 months.

    I found you via...I don't remember...the Blogrush widget, maybe? But I'm bookmarking you forthwith.

    --Kalynne, "The Philosopher-Mom"


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