Saturday, March 29, 2008

Evidently wrinkle cream should NOT be mixed with hemorrhoid cream

Here's a post that I've dug up from last summer. And YES, this is a true story....

What is it about vanity that makes you do stupid, stupid things? This morning I awakened to under eye puffs resembling twin Goodyear Blimps deflated. They looked big enough to re-inflate and my day was over before it began. That bad. Yes.

Not that it matters, but a dear friend has hired me to take photographs of her baby boy's baptism. Today. Yes, TODAY! In 3 HOURS! Well, I could use tea bags. No. Time to resort to drastic measures. What's here in the medicine cabinet? Oh, let's try that models trick you're always hearing about of using hemorrhoid cream.That is supposed to be a miracle cure for circles and puffs. Oh, I don't think it works. Besides, there seems to be a lingering odor. Uh, oh... I can hear the whispers already...that JCK taking pictures seems nice, but do you smell anything? There is an odor. Do you smell?... OH, HORRORS! This can't be happening!! Will they be sidling away? Wait the smell is being taken over by a burning sensation. Ouch! Is my skin sizzling? Wait a minute.... I hadn't considered that I was putting this hemorrhoid cream on top of my wrinkle cream. Oh, GOD. Could this be an acid peel? Not NOW! Quick! Put cold water on the flames!!! Jesus!! Dammit!!! Am I ALLOWED to SCREAM! EVIDENTLY WRINKLE CREAM SHOULD NOT BE MIXED WITH HEMORRHOID CREAM. IT IS A PROBLEM! I am a moron! Wash everything off. Starting to hurt a little less.

OK, let's take a look. Uh, oh... there seem to be red marks under my eyes. Are those burns?? Will I have to wear sunglasses indoors? Wait, I can't!! I'm the photographer. I need my eyes. DEEP BREATHS.... I now have 2 hours and 40 minutes until the baptism. Perhaps I could meditate. It will be fine. It WILL be fine. IT WILL BE FINE! Screw meditation! Should have stuck with those tea bags...

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  1. OMG I have missed you! I am in LOVE with the new look! WHERE did you get the top illustration? I just can't put something that goes down there on my face.....LOL

  2. Did concealer work to cover the redness? Ouch! I'm filing this one under: Good to Know.

    Awful, and very funny.

  3. OMG. I am laughing. I wish you had taken pictures...of you.

  4. dude. i have a story about athletes foot medicine and marital relations between my husband and i that would have you on the floor! i'm thinking about posting it.....

  5. Oh NO!!! Oh, JCK. One thing to consider when taking advice from a model? Is that they're usually younger than 25 years old. What they consider "bags" we would be grateful for after extensive plastic surgery.

    I hope you were able to get rid of the red. Poor you.

  6. Tootsie has once again hit the nail on the head! Since you're able to repost this I'm going to assume there was no permanent damage!

  7. That is funny, and I now have 3 questions.
    1. What wrinkle cream do you use, and does it work? (I need to invest in some)
    2. Did you ever try the hemmoroid cream on its own, just out of curiosity?
    3. Did you tell your friend that story?

    P.S. I finally put my email on my profile.

  8. NO WAY. Oh a picture of THAT! How hilarious. Make that a double OUCH. And obviously things did turn out FINE. Right? Right? :)

  9. Ow. I never heard that, fortunately, or I probably would have tried it (since I always keep a tube of the H-cream). Presumably you recovered in time for the baptism and no one commented on any funny smell?

  10. "...Blatant idiocy perpetrated upon myself..." That's almost as good as the post.

    And also good to know.

  11. ouch.... you should have just stuck with wrinkle cream

  12. I have a story about athletes foot medicine and marital relations between my husband and i that would have you on the floor!
    Revitaderm Cream


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