Sunday, March 16, 2008

The Kamikaze Psycho Lady who clipped my son

I know you think I live my life just for obtaining blog fodder, but it isn't entirely true. Bizarre things happen to normal people. And bizarre people can have seemingly normal lives. Not that I would know ANYTHING about that.

I had another encounter at Trader Joe's. Yes. I. Did. This time however, it wasn't that I was a beacon for weird, friendly men who find me ravishing. No, that would have been better. Let's just call this the Kamikaze Psycho Lady who Clipped my son with her grocery cart. I do not kid, unfortunately. It was like this...

BOY & I were innocently inspecting the cheeses. Well, I was inspecting the cheese. He was standing by the cart his eyes urgently scanning the shelves for chocolate keeping his eyes peeled for fresh broccoli. As I reached for one of my favorite stinky cheeses, some Blue Stilton, I saw a woman walk past me pushing a cart. Then...BOY starts CRYING, which quickly turned into WAILING. I immediately turn around, pick him up and ask him what is wrong and in-between sobbing breaths he tells me that the woman hit him with her cart. On the head. By this time she has continued down the aisle and is about 10 feet away. I inspect his head and sure enough, behind his ear is a red area and a significant scratch. He is still crying. I look over at her and I can tell by her body language that she is consciously not looking at us. This is quite obvious because....she is the ONLY person in the entire store not looking at us due to BOY's wails. Noticeably not looking.

Now, I am not one to leap all over confrontation. I do it if necessary, but let's just say I do not embrace the concept. However, when your child has been hurt and by another adult, I believe you have to show your child that it is NOT O.K. for an adult to hurt him - even accidentally. So, I picked BOY up and walked over to the lady.

Excuse me, you bumped my boy's head with your cart.

She looked at me and said: Shame. Shame. SHAAAMMMEE on YOU!

So... not only did a woman hit my boy with her cart, but she is denying it. I stood there open-mouthed for a minute and then just shook my head, said, "shame on YOU" and walked away. Because...what else could I do other than create a scene in front of BOY and that, although tempting, would not be "a good parental choice." She, obviously, thought I was going to sue her or something, when all I was trying to achieve was a simple, "oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize..." Anything. I wasn't really prepared for SHAME, SHAME, SHAAAME on YOU!

As I walked away with BOY I told him that I was so sorry that the lady had hit him with her cart and that unfortunately, some people are just not nice people. As we finished our shopping I found myself shaking with anger. And fear that if I did spot her again in an aisle I would throttle her. So, we checked out with what groceries we had and left.

As I'm backing up and turning our car around to exit the parking space, a woman waiting in another vehicle yells out:

Come on HONEY, get a move on! [Jesus! Am I NOT even safe in my minivan?!]

YOU, GET A MOVE ON!!! ...[ Freaking FREAK ASS cranky woman... is what I WANTED to say. I had literally, just pulled out of my spot and was making the turnaround at a normal speed.]

BOY says: Mommy, that woman is a POOP POOP HEAD.

Boy, I don't normally like it when you say that, but YES, BOY, that lady IS a POOP POOP HEAD! [...and a FREAKING FREAK ASS CRANKY WOMAN!!]

BOY will be fine. I am obviously holding a grudge.

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  1. You totally handled that like a responsible adult. BUT OH MY GOD!!! How tempting to just knock her teeth in!

    As for the lady in the car? This is when I would have put it in park and got out my cell phone to make a call. And just hang out there in my parking spot.

  2. Sugar, you need to come on back to the Southland. We ain't got no cart-clippin' parking-spot luster-afters down this-a-way. Not 'cept in AtLAAANNa.

    That happen in AlaBAAAMMa, the lady would say, "Oh, baby, I am SOOO sorry! Let me buy you a lollipop. Is it a'right with your mama, I buy you a sweet treat? I could just DAAH, to hurt such a precious baby, such a handsome young MAYAHHN."

    And the lady in the parkin' lot? She'da waved you on, you take jes' as long as you lahhk.

    I do declare, California is inDEED the land of fruit and nuts! Come home, baby girl. We'll treat you RAAHT.

  3. It's not often that you encounter 2 beyotches in the same grocery trip. Shheesh. Kalynne is right - that would never happen in the south. Well the parking lot thing would.

  4. I'm thinking lady #1 was probably mentally ill.

  5. What a wench, that woman. What a couple of wenches. And to say "Shame on you"? Weird.

  6. Wow, you are running into a lot of Poop Poop Heads lately, huh? Why do you continue to shop there? The first lady sounded...ripe for the funny farm. The second lady...well FREAKING FREAK ASS CRANKY WOMAN just about sums it up perfectly. LOL - you're funny.

  7. I can't figure out if it is a TJs or west coast thing - we've had a share of hijinks and crazy while picking up dinner.

    (The southern comment makes me swoon - I want lollies and niceness.)

  8. Well handled. I would have done the same - shaking and all. Then I would have been practically in tears by the end of the parking lot situation. My hubby used to have a jeep and someone cut through the soft top to steal a few CD's and his radio KNOB. Not the radio, but the KNOB. That was just shitty to do. He covered the hole in the soft top with a bumper sticker that said MEAN PEOPLE SUCK. It was perfect.


  9. Oh, poor Boy!! There are far too many POOP POOP HEADS out there - he's a little sweetie.

    Hope you had a good weekend, otherwise - see you soon. Kellan

  10. Kalynne has said it all - we people on the coasts are rude yahoos compared to those gracious Southerners....

  11. Very mature, I would have been very tempted to put her in a headlock and let the boy have a go at her.

    And I absolutely love that you got a picture of her.

  12. I say they were both freaking freak ass poop poop cranky headed women! good grief.

  13. OK seriously! Screw her, #1 and #2 I totally thought it was just me!!! The most bizarre stuff happens to me at the grocery store ALL THE TIME. Like the old man who grabbed a handful of my as, then spun around and said " Yeah, I DID THAT!!"


  14. definitely a poop poop head, boy has it right

  15. I'm so sorry!
    What a story. The parking lot is sort of par-for-the-course, but that first lady is a weirdo.

  16. I'm with Jenn, most people would not react that way at all, mind you, my experience has been with Canadians mostly and we apologize to the wall when we bump into it, so may be I can't speak for everywhere, but her reaction, so not normal!

  17. I'm so sorry that woman was such a beeyotch. I would've gone postal. And, I wouldn't have cared what my son thought. Everyone wonders why teens and kids don't ever accept responsibility for their actions. It's women like this who taught them.

  18. Too bad you couldn't clip her with your that would have been SWEEEEET.

  19. The boy has it right, but is it all right if I substitute other words in my head?

    What an awful person. You handled yourself better than I might have. As for the freaking freak ass poop poop head in the parking lot, I like Tootsie's idea.

    Seriously, people, be nice. It's not that hard.

    Sorry you had such a poopy day.

  20. Whoa, that is intense craziness. I hope it was Wine O'Clock when you got home...

    (And yes, you handled both situations with admirable maturity. I, on the other hand, likely would not have).

  21. Hey - thanks for coming by tonight. We saw Horton Hears a Who tonight and it was very good. I think it is sooooooo appropriate for the little ones - such a cute movie. The colors are so vibrant and the story is so like the book. It was one of the best animated movies I've seen in a long time. Little Billy even loved it and wants it on video. Alexis couldn't stop talking about all the characters and which was her favorite. I hope you take the kids, it was a good movie.

    See you soon - Kellan

  22. BOY is right--total poop poop head!!!
    Sounds like it was b$$$ day at Trader Joes---you must have missed the notice--btw nice mommy with son day is Wednesday ;)

  23. Dude. I would have smacked her upside HER head just to see how she liked it.

    I think you need to find a new TJ's. Isn't that where the sweet old lady oogled GIRL that time, too?

    Oh, and I bought Cotswold and English Cheddar with Caramelized Onions at TJ's yesterday. The cheese case is my favorite spot. MMMmmmmm.....

  24. Oooooh, I'm all fired up just reading this! When my eldest (nine next week!) was an infant, I was walking into a ladies bathroom and the woman in front of me let the door slam into my baby's head. And the woman was oblivious, even when my child was screaming. It was the first time I felt that absolute fury and had to blink and swallow hard many, many times to control it. I'm not so controlled anymore.

    Freakin' freak ass cranky poop poop head!! Here, here.


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